My BIG Why

[Vron]

First I'd like to say thank goodness for Nerd Fitness.  It is the right thing at the right time for me.  Second I'd like to say to everyone here, congratulations on taking steps and choosing to do something good for yourself.  I just signed up two days ago and am choosing slow and steady for the win. 

 

And now here is My BIG Why as I wrote it just now:

 

Being overweight is a side effect of hiding from myself, my feelings, my life.  When I over eat I am numbing myself and trying to comfort myself.  I feel safe surrounded by fat, like a moat against the world.  But more and more I realize I am trapped by this moat, by these habits.

 

I am afraid but I want to live.  I want to shine and be involved in the world.  I don't want to hide behind the fat anymore.  I don't want to use unhealthy habits to comfort myself.

 

I want to engage, challenge myself, live life.  I want to shine.

 

In this way  my life will include love, friendship, partnerships, joy, adventure, fun.  I will try to  manifest my business ideas.  I will be open to love.  I will dance, swim, bike, hike, play.  I will be comfortable in my body.

[RedStone]

32 minutes ago, Vron said:

I am afraid but I want to live.

 

Heyo, and that's the spirit of human nature! I was JUST having a conversation this morning with a fellow nerd here about how difficult happiness can be... but what a worthwhile thing it is to strive for every day. What an excellent WHY. What a beautiful why. Hold on to it. 

 

So. What's the plan? Do you have an idea what kind of activities you enjoy? 

[Lee Jun-fan]

52 minutes ago, Vron said:

Being overweight is a side effect of hiding from myself, my feelings, my life.  When I over eat I am numbing myself and trying to comfort myself.  I feel safe surrounded by fat, like a moat against the world.  But more and more I realize I am trapped by this moat, by these habits.

 

Untill last year I didn't realise the purpose of a moat was to prevent someone tunnelling under a castle wall to collapse it making for an easier breach.

So in a way your moat is preventing you from digging into the real troubles that are the root cause of your choices.

 

I admire your courage to take the first steps to living life again. Good luck.

[Vron]

3 hours ago, RedStone said:

So. What's the plan? Do you have an idea what kind of activities you enjoy? 

 

Thanks for the kind words!  My plan is slowly coming together.  Before I joined NF I had already decided no booze or sugar for January just to see if I could do it.  However in the spirit of actually also enjoying my life I allowed myself sugar in my coffee, (i mostly drink tea anyway) maple syrup, jam and 86% dark chocolate.  I also decided to walk everyday (even if just to the mailbox), meditate everyday (even if just for a minute or two) and go outside everyday (even if just to step onto my porch to take a breath)  Because I knew I only had to do tiny increments of these activities, it was easy to stick with.  And often I walk outside so two birds one stone.  I meditate sitting up in bed as soon as I wake up so it's done.  I try to walk soon after that if possible but sometimes I end up walking later, even at night.

 

My ultimate goal is to build a life I can maintain and enjoy.  I don't want to count calories, track food, or really give food too much over all thought.  But I also want to enjoy what I eat, fuel my body with good stuff, and still enjoy fun things like pizza and wine now and then.

 

To that end February I am continuing to not have booze or sugar at home. (except the exceptions noted above)  I am going to allow sugar and booze in a social setting if I want.  I have to say, grocery shopping was so much easier this month when I didn't have to fight with myself about how many hostess treats or candy bars I should buy and whether another bottle of wine was a good idea.  It was easy because I just didn't buy them so I didn't have to think about it. 

 

I am working through the NF quests slowly but surely and this week will create my plan for my first challenge.  I'm super excited about that. 

 

In the future I also want to add more vegetables and definitely can't wait to start strength training.  I am following the NF path for those things.  I know from past experience that taking on too much at once isn't sustainable for me so I'm happy to let NF guide my pace.  I want to build a new lifestyle here, not just lose some weight.

 

As for activities I enjoy I really like walking outdoors.  I also love bike riding, hiking, dancing!, swimming, volleyball.  Some of those things I haven't done in a long time.  Some of them I'm not able to do now.  But I hope to include them all by the end of the year as well as adding things like martial arts, soccer, yoga and maybe even some parkour.

 

Thanks again for the encouragement : )

[Vron]

3 hours ago, TruebornJester said:

So in a way your moat is preventing you from digging into the real troubles that are the root cause of your choices.

 

 

Wow.  That is so true and completely resonates with me.  Yes, of course.  Not only am I hiding from the big bad world, but from my own dark self and secrets.  Double hiding! 

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement and keen insight.

[Iceburner]

On 1/29/2018 at 4:21 AM, Vron said:

First I'd like to say thank goodness for Nerd Fitness.  It is the right thing at the right time for me.  ...

I just signed up two days ago and am choosing slow and steady for the win. 

 

And now here is My BIG Why as I wrote it just now...

 

It was the same for me 3 years ago. Something had to change and I am grateful that I found NF. The Academy and this community led me step by step to a better healthier life. And it was easy to take one step after the other. Thanks for sharing your BIG WHY here.

 

On 1/29/2018 at 8:39 AM, Vron said:

 

Thanks for the kind words!  My plan is slowly coming together. ...

 

My ultimate goal is to build a life I can maintain and enjoy.  I don't want to count calories, track food, or really give food too much over all thought.  But I also want to enjoy what I eat, fuel my body with good stuff, and still enjoy fun things like pizza and wine now and then.

...

I am working through the NF quests slowly but surely and this week will create my plan for my first challenge.  I'm super excited about that. 

 

In the future I also want to add more vegetables and definitely can't wait to start strength training.  I am following the NF path for those things.  I know from past experience that taking on too much at once isn't sustainable for me so I'm happy to let NF guide my pace.  I want to build a new lifestyle here, not just lose some weight.

...

 

 

It sounds like a good plan where you do not try too many hard things at the same time. And if you follow your plan step by step and after a while modify it and add new challenges to it you finally will reach a maintainable healthy and happy life.

 

My tipp: Try the food log when you feel ready and keep it for some weeks or months. It gives you a good insight on... well your food

 

It made me realize how much sweets and cake (!) we actually eat in the office. I then managed to avoid the sweets, because I could count that there will be another cake around the corner. . Later I managed to avoid every second cake which was good enough for my personal food goals. And I was still happy! I didn't miss it.

 

My point is the food log raised my awareness and step by step I made choices to 'optimize' my food intake according to my personal demands. Later I just stopped using it because I felt I had learned what food will have what effect on my daily calories (or on my moat of fat).

 

Anyway, before I ramble on I stop here and just say:

 

Congratulations on the good choices you already made and good luck on reaching your ultimate goal! 

 

 

 

 

[Vron]

14 hours ago, Iceburner said:

My tipp: Try the food log when you feel ready and keep it for some weeks or months. It gives you a good insight on... well your food

Oh my god, all the cake!  I worked in an office that was like that too.  It's funny you are encouraging the food log because it is also part of the first steps I'm supposed to take from the email I got from NF.  Trusting the process, and now even more motivated by your recommendation, I've started doing that.  My deviation is instead of writing it down (which is what seems like such a pain) the NF email suggested I could even just take photos of what I eat. 

 

It is so easy to just snap a pic with my phone.  And of course that makes them date/time stamped too.  And it actually shows the portions I eat,  not just a guess I write down.  A picture of a 8" slab of cake has more impact on me than writing "I ate a big piece of cake" and then remembering it as more of a 4" slab of cake lol. 

 

It's interesting to me how even that simple act makes me think more about what I am choosing to eat, why I am wanting to eat it, and how much of it I am eating.  It has been really eye opening.  What I have learned so far is:  More vegetables!  and Smaller portions!

 

Thanks for the extra push to try food logging because it is already helpful