New here, need advice on staying strong

[babygrandma]

Just found this community today. I'm hoping to get some advice on sticking to eating better when my husband wants to get off course. I know i have to be strong. I know I have good healthy food in the fridge, but when he orders pizza or gets fast food, I join in. Then one slip up equals several days, etc. I do pretty well for breakfast, lunch and snacks. All times I am not around him. I am not blaming him, I know i have to simply find the strength in me to stay strong. I just don't know how. It doesn't feel fair that he eats whatever he wants when I am trying to be healthy. I know life isn't fair, and I sound like a brat. I guess I need to find a way to have more will power or something. Any advice anyone might have is welcome. Thanks in advance.

[Raincloak]

Have you talked to him about this?

[RedStone]

On 4/3/2016 at 2:35 PM, babygrandma said:

 It doesn't feel fair that he eats whatever he wants when I am trying to be healthy. I know life isn't fair, and I sound like a brat. I guess I need to find a way to have more will power or something. Any advice anyone might have is welcome. Thanks in advance.

 

Nah, you're okay! It's tough to have autonomy in a tight couple situation. Have you guys been together a long time? 

 

It was super weird when my husband went vegetarian when I am very much a carnivore. It took a while to adjust and find ways to eat together while maintaining our personal preferences. (And cooking for the two of us is a bit of a juggling act, even now.) But you're probably on to something about finding motivation (aka - a good reason) to stick to your choices. Just because you're attached doesn't mean you have to live the same exact lives. You can still be individuals and make choices that you think are best for you! It's all about why you're doing it.  Feeling strongly about why you're doing it makes it easier to ignore temptation even when it's in the same room. And when it comes to health, @Raincloak is on to something too when it comes down to having a frank discussion about support with your partner!

 

Good luck, and keep us posted!

[Bob the Bardbarian]

You sound like a brat?  No!  These are your life goals!  They're important to you!  You're not a brat!  You're a bad-ass queen of righteousness, and he's trying to put poison into your body!

...

Okay maybe not that intense, but still.

In this situation, I would suggest 2 things.

First, let him know that you're going to eat healthier.  Not that you want to, that you're going to.  Pick a day, your final day, to eat whatever you want.  And make it glorious, make it EPIC!  Make everything, sweet, sugary, salted, cheesy, greasy, and bad for you.  After that, start planning out your meals, follow the recipes on NF, and plan things out ahead.  It's when we don't have a set plan for meals that we start improvising.  And I don't know about you, but when I improvise, things can fall apart quickly if I'm not careful.  Plan out your meals.  If your husband doesn't want to eat what you're having, that's fine.  Set the example, and stay healthy.  Don't let his poor choices conflict with your goals.  Make a plan, and stick with it.

Second, remember that you will fail, we all do.  There will be days where no matter how much willpower you use, you will give in, and that's okay.  Don't get discouraged.  Pick yourself up, and try again.  If you're reasons for getting healthy are important enough to you, then nothing can stop you from reaching them.  Don't let your emotional state of mind make you forget who you are, who you're becoming, and what you're capable of.

Good luck.

[Raincloak]

well, that isn't the approach I would recommend, honestly.  Bingeing is overrated, and "I'm a queen of righteousness and you're trying to poison me" is a very bad attitude to take with a spouse.  You've tried the flat resistance approach and clearly it hasn't worked so far.  Time to change your strategy.

 

When I said "talk to him" what I meant was to get the guy on board.  Some sort of compromise needs to be reached.  He loves you, he presumably wants what's best for you, and he might even be ready to change his own eating habits.  Be that as it might, when you live with someone, you don't want to make dinner time a battleground.  Possible options: limiting junk food in the house (leaving him free to eat pizza when he goes out), taking turns cooking dinner, having takeout just twice a month (perhaps on payday), signing up for a program together, etc.

[Noname123]

Honestly, it's his choice. 

 

And it's totally fair. If he has no interest in getting healthy, that's his choice. You can't decide this for someone else. That's the long and short of it. You can either decide to change yourself and he'll change when he sees the effect it has on you, or he's happy in current state and you do your thing. 

 

I speak from experience,  I went through this. For over two years I made two separate grocery lists and when we'd go out sometimes we'd go out to two different places for take-out (love me some sashimi) Or I'd just bake veggies when ordered pizza.

 

Focus on you and don't rely on others for your willpower or motivation. 

 

P.S. I'm also not on board with the binge before picking a day to get healthy. Just start now. You're not swearing off all those foods forever and there's no reason to make yourself feel sick before you start eating healthy. 

[babygrandma]

Thanks for all the advice! I have been better this week, and he has too actually. Having planned meals is key, I know that. I am going to do some meal prep this weekend. I have also made some better choices even when going out so that is good. Getting iced tea instead of soda, getting a salad instead of sandwich/fries. Small steps are still steps. He has said this week he wants to eat better but still wants pizza more often than we should. I am staying strong and doing my thing. I know it will be better in the long run to make small changes that last. I do love cooking so I have no problems with that. I do great for breakfast, lunch, and snacks. Dinner is my downfall, being tired from working all day and the stress of life just makes me want to give up come dinner time. I'll try to find some tasty recipes that I'll look forward to coming home and eating, that might help. 

 

Thanks everyone!

 

[animuse]

I'm pretty big on the "step down" approach so your body gets used to the changes gradually. If pizza's gotta be a thing, aiming for more veggies on the pizza, or one less "bad" topping, or getting a smaller pizza and throwing a salad together while you wait for it to arrive. You could also play around with making healthy pizza alternatives too, there's lots of ways to make pizza healthier and less caloric - and then you both can have fun experimenting on the less tiring days - or premake the pizza over the weekend and freeze it :3 

[RedStone]

 

You could also play around with making healthy pizza alternatives too, there's lots of ways to make pizza healthier and less caloric - and then you both can have fun experimenting on the less tiring days - or premake the pizza over the weekend and freeze it :3 

 

^This! We make cauliflower and zucchini crust pizza all the time, great way to get veggies in and totally delicious! 

[Prairieknitwit]

I fight against this all the time.  When my husband and i first started dating, I gained 20 lbs because I started eating like him. (That, in addition to the Freshman 20, started my first weight loss journey)  Now, this is a man everyone loves to hate.  He HAS to eat a very high calorie diet in order to just maintain his weight.  I have seen this man knock back half a pan of lasagna, then sit on the couch and moan about his sore belly and then turn red and run a fever as his metabolism amps up to burn off the excess calories he just ingested.

 

He is a burner.  I am a storer.  We have three kids now and I refuse to cook two separate meals every day--one for the family and one for me.  (I also don't want the kids to see me cooking different things for myself)  So, when I am on the ball, I plan and journal everything.  This is my third trip on the Weight Loss Journey train because it is hard work living with people who want to eat and it's very easy to slack off.    I compensate by making my regular dinner for the family, and then making extra veggies for me.  I will have lots of veg and protein with a little carb while everyone else gets more carbs.  It helps a lot.  Eat the real pizza, just less and have veggies on the side.  I actually love salad ON my pizza now.  WHen my husband knows I am trying to be healthier he waits until I go to bed before he makes his bedtime nachos and that helps me a lot.   Yes.  He eats bedtime nachos.  His cholesterol is normal.  He just had it tested.  

 

 I will eat fewer calories for breakfast and lunch so I have room for the heavier dinner the rest of my family needs.  I still feel cranky that I have to do this, but it's my life.  I supposed I need to suck it up and do it because not doing it was getting to be very very bad for me.