Battle Kitten: Ascension

[Captain Kohana]

Hey there fleaball.

 

I'm brand new to this community but I just read your last post (and a bit of this thread) and it sounds like you're really up against it right now. I'm sorry to hear that things are just piling on one after the other after the other to a point that it's just completely overwhelming. Hopefully you were able to get some sleep and wake up feeling even a small amount better.

 

While my circumstances are far different than yours, your comment about "because even when I'm not doing work I'm not relaxing because there's always something" really hits home. If I can offer one small piece of advice it would be to find something that gives you even a tiny little temporary reprieve - maybe it's listening to a favorite song (perhaps one you haven't heard in a long time) that triggers memories of something happy and you can escape for 3 or 4 minutes. Just a little something that is easy and pure and good. No big time commitment, expense or effort because you might not have that in you right now. But similar to the "20 seconds of courage" philosophy, try to find just one small thing and see where it leads.

 

Hang in there.

 

CK

[fleaball]

Hey CK, thanks for your comments. I'll reply later but if I think about that stuff right now I'll start crying in the dentists office. (I cry easily lately, it's not because of anything you said.)

 

 

So I'm getting the one root canal. The other tooth could be referred pain or could just be from clenching my jaw. A ton of my teeth are cracked from clenching, which isn't even a thing I knew I did until I caught myself doing it at Christmas. So basically right now it's: def do the bottom one, wear my night guard every night and as much as possible during the day to prevent the clenching, be careful eating hard things, and cross my fingers. They want me to come back in a few weeks to reevaluate the top one. 

 

Realllly need a job with decent insurance asap. 

[Plazmotic]

46 minutes ago, fleaball said:

So I'm getting the one root canal. The other tooth could be referred pain or could just be from clenching my jaw.

As someone with a lifetime of dental shenanigans under my belt, I think you're making the right decision. 

[Countess D'If]

On 4/30/2017 at 9:04 PM, fleaball said:

Y'all. I'm so terrified of this dentist appointment. Not because it's the dentist but because I'm afraid that whatever happens, I'm going to make the wrong decision. Either get two teeth pulled and regret it and have trouble eating for the rest of my life, or have a root canal on one only to find out another one needs it and I can't do that and will have wasted thousands of dollars all over again like I did with my car. 

 

I am so stressed out about this. And so scared. There are so many things happening on so many different fronts and I just can't take it. I'm so tired of all of these things piling up every time I think I've started to make progress on something. I'm tired of all kinds of illnesses and medical ailments stacking on each other, I'm tired of things happening that I don't understand so I can't question what other people are doing, I'm tired of my stupid fucking anxiety making everything into a fucking ordeal and I can't even stop it because there are so many things going wrong in my life that it's all I can do just to keep my head above water right now. I'm tired of crying all the fucking time. 

 

And I don't want to go home in two weeks. I really fucking don't. I don't want to sit around and watch my mother slowly dying. Also my family drives me up a fucking wall and I wish I could just take a week and go somewhere else. Anywhere else. I am constantly wound up when I'm there, so much tighter than usual. I don't know how to relax anymore, because even when I'm not doing work I'm not relaxing because there's always something. 

 

In conclusion, everything is terrible and I'm going to go cry myself to sleep clutching a stuffed animal and hoping I wake up in a different world. 

 

 

I know what you mean. There are things that scare the crap out of me (mostly financial things) that i do not have the mental capacity to do without help. 

 

Hugs

 

[Severine]

I'm so sorry I wasn't around earlier this week when things were so crap   I think getting the root canal is what I would have done too. I don't know much of anything about dental stuff but if you're looking for unqualified opinions, that's mine!

 

Re: jaw clenching, my dentist told me to work on retraining my brain: when the mouth is closed, there should still be a slight gap between top and bottom teeth, so he told me to sort of wedge the tip of my tongue in there (at the very front) for like 5 minute intervals throughout the day to remind myself. Because apparently over time if you've become used to holding it in the wrong position, it can mess up the alignment/muscles which contributes to pain. I have seen an improvement overall since I've tried to work on it, although it still flares up when I'm extra stressed.

 

If you end up going home and things are rough and you need a break away from there, you can always crash at our place for a couple days or something, or just demand a distracting outing once in a while. 

 

 

[fleaball]

10 hours ago, Severine said:

I'm so sorry I wasn't around earlier this week when things were so crap   I think getting the root canal is what I would have done too. I don't know much of anything about dental stuff but if you're looking for unqualified opinions, that's mine!

 

Re: jaw clenching, my dentist told me to work on retraining my brain: when the mouth is closed, there should still be a slight gap between top and bottom teeth, so he told me to sort of wedge the tip of my tongue in there (at the very front) for like 5 minute intervals throughout the day to remind myself. Because apparently over time if you've become used to holding it in the wrong position, it can mess up the alignment/muscles which contributes to pain. I have seen an improvement overall since I've tried to work on it, although it still flares up when I'm extra stressed.

 

If you end up going home and things are rough and you need a break away from there, you can always crash at our place for a couple days or something, or just demand a distracting outing once in a while. 

No worries! There's not much anyone could have done. It was one of those things where no matter what anyone said I had to worry about it until I went back to the dentist and they told me what was up. If I had needed more than one root canal I would have had to think about it, but I sort of knew I needed to have the one.

 

Ha, I've wound up doing that on my own. All the dentist told me was to wear my night guard, and maybe take a muscle relaxer when I didn't have work the next day. Super helpful. I can't really clench my teeth right now because it's still sore/I have to be careful with the temporary crown, but I'm definitely trying to pay attention to when I'm doing it and force myself to relax. 

 

Thank you! I'm def going home and we def have to meet up one night. Honestly it shouldn't be that terrible, I think I was just expecting the worst because I was already hella stressed. I mean my family definitely does drive me up a wall but with school over I won't have the added layer of stress of having work I need to be doing but feel guilty doing because I should be spending time with my mother, and then going around in that circle forever. I'll recover when I get back to DC. Also a great opportunity to work on coping mechanisms, right?  

[fleaball]

It's chemo day. If everything goes well they're coming for graduation. 

 

I've asked three times how everything's going (her appointments are usually in the morning and should be done by now) and I haven't gotten an answer. But she did answer an unrelated message. 

 

I'm getting nervous. 

[fleaball]

Aaaaand she has a cold. No fever, but that means it's currently iffy. Fuck everything. 

[Owlet]

Oh my god, seriously? Does that mean postponing chemo? I hope not. Sending positive kitten vibes...

[fleaball]

Just now, Owlet said:

Oh my god, seriously? Does that mean postponing chemo? I hope not. Sending positive kitten vibes...

No, she had the chemo. But they're supposed to fly down here on Saturday for graduation Sunday but if she's sick she can't come. I called her earlier and she sounded terrible. Which is not a good sign, because usually she's okay the day of, but it's the next two or three days post-chemo that knock her out.

[Owlet]

1 minute ago, fleaball said:

No, she had the chemo. But they're supposed to fly down here on Saturday for graduation Sunday but if she's sick she can't come. I called her earlier and she sounded terrible. Which is not a good sign, because usually she's okay the day of, but it's the next two or three days post-chemo that knock her out.

Ohhhhh. In that case I will send even more positive kitties your way (I wish I could send real ones but I don't think they'd like the postal service much) 

 

C'mon Mama Flea, you can dooo ittttt...

[fleaball]

Just now, Owlet said:

Ohhhhh. In that case I will send even more positive kitties your way (I wish I could send real ones but I don't think they'd like the postal service much) 

 

C'mon Mama Flea, you can dooo ittttt...

Yeah. Real kitties would be appreciated, but would probably not approve. <3

 

I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed but I don't know if it will happen. I'm guessing it's doubtful because my father's the one who told me she had a cold. And when I called and said she sounded terrible she just said it was a bad day. But I imagine she didn't tell me about the cold because she doesn't want to upset me.

[Sylvaa]

12 hours ago, fleaball said:

Yeah. Real kitties would be appreciated, but would probably not approve. <3

 

I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed but I don't know if it will happen. I'm guessing it's doubtful because my father's the one who told me she had a cold. And when I called and said she sounded terrible she just said it was a bad day. But I imagine she didn't tell me about the cold because she doesn't want to upset me.

 

It is still early in the week! Lot's can change! I'll be rooting for your mom making it down there!

 

[fleaball]

1 hour ago, Sylvaa said:

 

It is still early in the week! Lot's can change! I'll be rooting for your mom making it down there!

 

Very true. I'm just tired of being on this roller coaster. 

[fleaball]

In other news, the neck pain I had a few weeks ago that convinced me I had the same mystery virus? Was from clenching my teeth. When I went to student health the other night I asked if it would cause my neck to hurt and without knowing where it was she traced the exact line down my neck saying that was a muscle from my jaw. So there's one less thing to worry about. 

[Jarric]

Hope you're doing ok this week *hugs*.

 

Glad the neck pain is at least not an issue now.

[fleaball]

3 hours ago, Jarric said:

Hope you're doing ok this week *hugs*.

 

Glad the neck pain is at least not an issue now.

Doing okay!  As of right now my parents are still flying down tomorrow for graduation, which was my biggest source of stress. I won't chill until they're actually here but it's looking good. Thanks.  I've been meaning to update here but I've been exhausted and words are hard lol

[Jarric]

2 hours ago, fleaball said:

Doing okay!  As of right now my parents are still flying down tomorrow for graduation, which was my biggest source of stress. I won't chill until they're actually here but it's looking good. Thanks.  I've been meaning to update here but I've been exhausted and words are hard lol

 

Words are hard! Glad you're doing ok. Good luck for graduation

[fleaball]

My mother looks like crap but she's here!

[Dagger]

15 minutes ago, fleaball said:

My mother looks like crap but she's here!

Yay for being with you!

[NeverThatBored]

Hooray! I'm so glad she was able to make it~

[fleaball]

I am nervous as hell right now. I am not going to enjoy this day. I'm trying to make sure everything is perfect for my parents (as in logistical stuff, so they can just focus on my mother), I still feel really really guilty for asking my roommate to come (made worse by the fact that she's like "no I'll go up super early with you and just stick with your parents in case they need anything while you go do what you have to" and while that was all her idea I feel bad because I didn't ask her to come sit through this entire thing just to babysit my parents), and there are just to many things happening in my brain right now because my mother looks so bad. Like what it means that she's here and what it means for the future that she's so easily exhausted and barely eating anything. 

 

Fuck. I'm actually going to wear makeup today and I have to remember not to cry and fuck it up. 

[NeverThatBored]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

I still feel really really guilty for asking my roommate to come (made worse by the fact that she's like "no I'll go up super early with you and just stick with your parents in case they need anything while you go do what you have to" and while that was all her idea I feel bad because I didn't ask her to come sit through this entire thing just to babysit my parents),

 

Keep in mind that it feels good to help people! People generally like being able to help others. It sounds to me like she's happy to help out because she likes and cares about you, and she's probably happy that there's something she can do to help you and your parents out. 

[Dagger]

2 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Keep in mind that it feels good to help people! People generally like being able to help others. It sounds to me like she's happy to help out because she likes and cares about you, and she's probably happy that there's something she can do to help you and your parents out. 

QFT.

[Owlet]

Best of luck! Hope you manage to have some nice moments despite the stress <3