LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[SevenofSeven]

Discrimination can happen to anyone and it is never pretty. Two stories jump to mind immediately, my bestest friend ever since childhood is lesbian and I love her. She was having a party years and years and years ago and I was there helping out as you do when I was verbally attacked by one her newer friends, basically if I was straight what right did I have being there, why don't I take my penis loving vagina ( it was spat at me a bit more harshly than that ) and go fuck myself, why don't I just give my friend up because she will find better friends than me, it just went on and on. In the end all I could do was smile and leave, she and her little group clapped as I left, needless to say I still have my friend and I have never seen her or her cronies again. I felt sick when it was happening, then I got angry at myself for not retaliating, but in hindsight I am glad I didn't, I felt sorry for her in the end.

The second time was only in February I took my brother to the Sydney Pride Mardi Gras ( best weekend EVER ), we had the best weekend right up until the taxi driver taking us to the airport on fly out day, there was a transgender young lady walking across the road and our driver says in a snarky voice " Boy or Girl? " my brother says " Tired and hungover more than anything " the taxi driver says to us " In my country we just shoot them so they don't spread disease to everyone " well I almost vomited and my brother started grinding his teeth. Nothing more was said for the next 20 minutes to the airport. Out of the whole weekend that was the worst thing that happened and it is the one thing that sticks the most.

I don't have to live it everyday and have no idea what it is like to walk a mile in anyone else's shoes and feel their blisters, but I had a taste and I didn't like it, so I do my very best to help fight the good fight for my family and my friends whom I love.

[Avistew]

It could be that non-heterosexuals are just more accustomed to not following societal norms and are more comfortable with the idea? Just a guess!

On a somewhat related note: I was wondering in anyone here is familiar with the webcomic Kimchi Cuddles? I have no idea if it's popular. Is it a good representation? It was mentioned on one of the asexual communities after Ace was added as a character. I've been wondering about it. It seems quite nice.

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Sorry for the really late response, but I do know Kimchi Cuddles. It's cute. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "a good representation"? It seems to me it isn't trying to represent more than the specific dynamics of the author's relationships and network, I don't think it's trying to be a spokesperson or anything like that. In that way, I'm sure it's representative

 

If you meant something else would you mind elaborating?

[Teirin]

Sorry for the really late response, but I do know Kimchi Cuddles. It's cute. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "a good representation"? It seems to me it isn't trying to represent more than the specific dynamics of the author's relationships and network, I don't think it's trying to be a spokesperson or anything like that. In that way, I'm sure it's representative

 

If you meant something else would you mind elaborating?

 

No, that was basically it.  Not a great question, after later consideration. I started reading after it got mentioned in the Asexual community when the character Ace was brought in.  It's really sweet and I dearly wish more of us practiced communication on that level.  Think of all of the screwups that could be avoided if we were all better at communicating.  I've been trying to do some reading up on various things but I never know if something is a good source and I don't know many GSRM people in real life to ask questions of.  A webcomic, however nice, should never be considered a main source so it was a bad question. 

 

Thank you for taking the time to answer!

[Teirin]

The D&D 5th ed basic rules were released today and the character section on gender and orientation is surprisingly inclusive.  Page 33 of this document: http://media.wizards.com/downloads/dnd/DnDBasicRules.pdf

[ColoQ]

The D&D 5th ed basic rules were released today and the character section on gender and orientation is surprisingly inclusive.  Page 33 of this document: http://media.wizards.com/downloads/dnd/DnDBasicRules.pdf

Boy howdy it is.. for those who don't wanna click on over and find it.. here is a copy-paste of the relevant text.

 

 

You can play a male or female character without gaining any special benefits or hindrances. Think about how your character does or does not conform the the broader culture's expectations of sex, gender, and sexual behavior. For example, a male drow cleric defies the traditional gender divisions of drow society, which could be a reason for your character to leave that society and come to the surface. 

 

You dont need to be confined to binary notions of sex and gender. The elf god Corellon Larethian is often seen as androgynous or hermaphroditic, for example, and some elves in the multiverse are made in Corellon's image. You could also play a female character who presents herself as a man, a man who feels trapped in a female body, or a bearded female dwarf who hates being mistaken for a male. Likewise, your character's sexual orientation is for you to decide.

[Twilight]

That's amazing! I'm so pleased!

[RES]

You can play a male or female character without gaining any special benefits or hindrances. Think about how your character does or does not conform the the broader culture's expectations of sex, gender, and sexual behavior. For example, a male drow cleric defies the traditional gender divisions of drow society, which could be a reason for your character to leave that society and come to the surface. 

 

You dont need to be confined to binary notions of sex and gender. The elf god Corellon Larethian is often seen as androgynous or hermaphroditic, for example, and some elves in the multiverse are made in Corellon's image. You could also play a female character who presents herself as a man, a man who feels trapped in a female body, or a bearded female dwarf who hates being mistaken for a male. Likewise, your character's sexual orientation is for you to decide.

<3...this makes me happy beyond belief, almost wish I was a gamer just so I could play!

[Avistew]

I'm really happy about it too I've heard some people complain about their phrasing not being ideal, but I think for a mainstream product it's really good.

[Artinum]

Given the recent posts in this thread about alternative gender pronouns, I think phrasing is the least of their worries. Making gender and orientation entirely open to the players is an excellent approach, and I quite agree that it shouldn't impact on character attributes. It doesn't necessarily do so in real life.

[ColoQ]

<3...this makes me happy beyond belief, almost wish I was a gamer just so I could play!

... its never too late to start. Seriously my times at the Gaming table have been some of the highlights of spending time with my friends. 

 

 

Given the recent posts in this thread about alternative gender pronouns, I think phrasing is the least of their worries. Making gender and orientation entirely open to the players is an excellent approach, and I quite agree that it shouldn't impact on character attributes. It doesn't necessarily do so in real life.

The female vs. Male stats thing has been neutral for as long as I can remember. And has been open to players choice as well. Its only recently that language regarding gender roles, and gender-fluidity have been added. which is a step forward by a dam site. 

[Frost of the Gloaming]

Lol I play(ed) way to many fighting games because I'm looking at this and thinking to myself shouldn't you just use the character that fits your gaming style be it female/male?

 

 

I normally end up being the quick strike which for the most part is the smaller female characters, Ling Xiaoyu being one of my favorite.

[ColoQ]

Lol I play(ed) way to many fighting games because I'm looking at this and thinking to myself shouldn't you just use the character that fits your gaming style be it female/male?

 

 

I normally end up being the quick strike which for the most part is the smaller female characters, Ling Xiaoyu being one of my favorite.

The best part of RPGs is that the character that matches your play style isn't pre-determined by someone else.

 

I've seen someone play a crazy badass super-strong 3 foot tall gnome barbarian that have wielded  a double-headed Ax twice it's size, and had more ability to take damage than the 6 foot tall human wizard behind them.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

That sounds fun

[Reluctant Amazon]

Realizing you are female after lifelong depression over being male helps you reach over 400 lbs. sucks.

Ah well at least I figured it out.

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[Spark]

Yeah. But hey, now it's just the "over 400 pounds" part that sucks, and I, miss, am right there with you on that part. That part is curable. Let's do this!

[GamingPlenty]

WARNING - BAD LANGUAGE INCOMING

 

Without getting into intersectionality (far too big a word for a monday morning) i dont think this really holds water, because people will judge you on your characteristics before they judge you for who you actually sleep with. If you look like a 'dyke' or a 'faggot' or a 'tranny' you are going to experience what queer people go through regardless of your gender/sexual identity. 

 

This is why queer people disassociate with the scene in the first place, because they dont want to be tied in to the implications that go along with being 'out and proud'. The "oh im gay but im no queen" types. The "i got mine now fuck you" types. 

 

I agree that the scene is a lot more than going to clubs, and i think you're spot on when it comes to interpersonal relationships (like family, friends, close work colleagues). But the day to day life, the people who stare at you in the supermarket, or the gas station attendant who wont open the doors for you at night, or the shop owner who tells you to gtfo, they dont know who you sleep next to. They just see clothes, haircuts, voice - they judge you based on a perceived lifestyle regardless of the life you actually lead. And thats exactly what queer people fight every day.

 

So if someone wants to hang out in the scene; help create safe spaces, write and/or distribute resources for queer and questioning folk, volunteer with at risk youth, or even just grab coffee and chat (or whatever else qualifies as being in your scene), then they are a part of the scene. 

 

while i partly agree with this post there are still things that a straight person won't experience that a gay person will. there might be similarities such as parents not agreeing with your love interest, they might be perceived as gay and ridiculed on the street but it's not entirely the same. the fear and upset is the same but for a gay person the words really matter. i've never had to deal with it on the streets but when someone in school found out i was gay, they used the word dyke and looked at me like i was diseased. if i was straight and they did that, it might upset me, but it wouldn't make me feel ashamed of who i am. even parents who disagree with their daughters choices in men is not the same as parents disapproving of their daughter being gay. i'm not saying one is worse than the other, but there are differences.

 

my sexuality is used as a talking point and i always hear the story of "in school i had short hair and hung around with boys, i was always called a lesbian" and ok, but you aren't a lesbian. i always feel this person is trying to connect with me about it but it's not the same, she didn't go through high school trying to come to terms with her feelings towards other girls and continually hearing jokes about something you are, people just called her a name. something many of us deal with.

[Hit]

 

 

there are still things that a straight person won't experience that a gay person will. 

Yup, and there's no singular queer narrative either. So i'm not sure how that ties in to the conversation about whether or not straight people can be a part of "the scene". just as you said you never dealt with homophobia on the streets, i never really got any flak for it in school. it's kind of ridiculous to be saying "oh you have to go through this specific experience to join the conversation" when so few of us have the same story.

 

i totally understand the being sensitive to language aspect though - when the words describe who you are as a person as being lesser or wrong they cut a lot deeper. that being said, just because a person ended up straight, or bi, or in a hetero-normative relationship, doesn't mean they never questioned their sexuality or have never been met with discrimination for who they are (and that can be a lot more than just being called a name).  

[Reluctant Amazon]

Narratives. OMG. The trans community is all about narratives.

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[Hit]

it kinda makes sense for the trans community; hit up /r/asktransgender and count the number of posts that come in titled "am i trans?". A lot of people have this idea that unless you follow a really specific path and have a really specific experience, then you don't count. It's mostly bullshit.

[GamingPlenty]

Yup, and there's no singular queer narrative either. So i'm not sure how that ties in to the conversation about whether or not straight people can be a part of "the scene". just as you said you never dealt with homophobia on the streets, i never really got any flak for it in school. it's kind of ridiculous to be saying "oh you have to go through this specific experience to join the conversation" when so few of us have the same story.

 

i totally understand the being sensitive to language aspect though - when the words describe who you are as a person as being lesser or wrong they cut a lot deeper. that being said, just because a person ended up straight, or bi, or in a hetero-normative relationship, doesn't mean they never questioned their sexuality or have never been met with discrimination for who they are (and that can be a lot more than just being called a name).  

 

very true with your last point, i thought i had mentioned that about people who question their sexuality but i must have deleted it in my editing. i couldn't really comment on the whole scene conversation because i've never been a part of it. i would rather spend my time with people i have common interests with, their sexuality (just like gender and race and everything else) doesn't matter.

[Reluctant Amazon]

A lot of people have this idea that unless you follow a really specific path and have a really specific experience, then you don't count. It's mostly bullshit.

I've spent 20 years in denial because of this sorta thing.

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[Thrillho]

A lot of people have this idea that unless you follow a really specific path and have a really specific experience, then you don't count. 

 

That sums up a LOT of the world.

[Twilight]

*raises hand for not following the "expected" orientation/gender identity path*

[Batwoman]

We are all special snowflakes. It is just easier for most people to put you into a box.

Sent via Phone-Bot... "Phone-Bot will enslave the humans. Beep, boop, bop."

[Thrillho]

It was hard not to read that as pure snark... my wife loves to use the phrase "special snowflake" with maximum derision.