LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[ColoQ]

I put "other" whenever I can in places that have more than two options (like on surveys or sites like Facebook), and will be putting "other" when Canada updates their passports to allow it (in a few year's time, apparently). If surveys that ask for it have a feedback form, I sometimes note that down in my reply. I feel like making sure my voice is heard in places that are willing to listen will help to add to the momentum to update official government documents down the road.

 

I think that is the key:once a large enough governmental requires it, software companies will include it in updates, bundles, etc... You won't see a massive change you'll see it in increments. 

[Hit]

just saw this link on reddit - https://www.passports.gov.au/web/sexgenderapplicants.aspx#quest1

 

there's a lot of misinformation out there on how exactly you can go about updating your gender marker for government documents in Australia, but this cuts the bullshit pretty quickly. all you need to update your passport is a letter from a registered medical professional who can ratify your claim. this link also mentions you can have a "X" for "unspecified" on your passport but seems to imply its only applicable for intersex people. however, provided your letter reads "is of indeterminate sex" this shouldn't be a problem.

 

now we can sit around and debate the frustration that comes with needing a medical professional to back up your identity, but considering most people i talk to believe you need to have had AT LEAST bottom surgery before you can legally change your gender, i think this is good and important info to share.

[fleaball]

So a friend of mine used "u-hauling" in a sentence today and I was quite pleased that I knew what it was. Thank you educating me, friends.

[fleaball]

So this guy just came up to me and said "are you a lesbian? No, I think you're straight." Not sur if I should be offended or if he's just super drunk

Eta: I'm totally in the wrong thread I'm sorry! Except I guess it applies to this thread as well soooo I can delete it if someone wants me to but otherwise I'm leaving it?

[Hit]

 

 

So this guy just came up to me and said "are you a lesbian? No, I think you're straight." Not sur if I should be offended or if he's just super drunk

 

id be super confused. like, ummm you asked the question, why dont you let me answer?

[Artinum]

So this guy just came up to me and said "are you a lesbian? No, I think you're straight." Not sur if I should be offended or if he's just super drunk.

 

Best response - "actually, I'm a straight lesbian."

 

To be fair, those are the best kind. Wonky lesbians have terrible trouble finding clothes that fit.

[shaeon]

I'm new to Nerd Fitness and therefore new to this thread as well. I went hunting for this thread because I have this theory: every group forum, regardless of their purpose, has a queer thread somewhere.

 

 I am a cis female lesbian. Here to get in shape and hang with some awesome nerds. Hi everyone!

[Bekah]

Art...that would have been my response too  

Shae...welcome  

[SevenofSeven]

Hi Shaeon, welcome.

[shaeon]

Thanks Bekah and Seven!

Flea, was he drunk? It's such an obnoxious thing for a person to tell you what your sexual orientation is based only on appearances. Particularly without bothering to have a conversation with you.

 

But yeah, what Artinum said. A straight lesbian. Straight up, lesbian.

[Hit]

sup shae, nice boots.

[shaeon]

Thank you kindly, Hitlion!

[fleaball]

Thanks Bekah and Seven!

Flea, was he drunk? It's such an obnoxious thing for a person to tell you what your sexual orientation is based only on appearances. Particularly without bothering to have a conversation with you.

 

But yeah, what Artinum said. A straight lesbian. Straight up, lesbian.

Super drunk. I hope he had the world's worst hangover. =D  The best part is that I'm bi, and when I told him as much he just went "Mm, no, you're straight. But it's absolutely brilliant you came out anyway!" (This was at the only gay club in the city, too, so I guess I got super lost?)

[Thrillho]

"Thanks for being gay, straightey!"

[shaeon]

 

The best part is that I'm bi, and when I told him as much he just went "Mm, no, you're straight. But it's absolutely brilliant you came out anyway!" (This was at the only gay club in the city, too, so I guess I got super lost?)

 

What the what? That's hilarious.

 

Is it likely he was lost? I don't get out to the gay bars as much as I used to in my town - I love to go out dancing but for some reason every gay bar around here has to have drag shows until 2 a.m., and by the time they are over and the dancing gets started, I'm really tired. However, when I have been out to the bars lately, it seems like there are a ton of straight people there. We don't have any lesbian bars around here, just mostly male/mixed. At the main dance club, it always seems like about half the women there are straight, and I've seen straight guys out at the gay bar with their girlfriends (you can pretty much always tell because they are hanging off of each other like "hey we are STRAIGHT just in case anyone was confused about that").

[RES]

Which irritates me...I don't go in their bars, why do they insist on shoving it in our face?

Sent from my HTC One X using Tapatalk

[fleaball]

What the what? That's hilarious.

 

Is it likely he was lost? I don't get out to the gay bars as much as I used to in my town - I love to go out dancing but for some reason every gay bar around here has to have drag shows until 2 a.m., and by the time they are over and the dancing gets started, I'm really tired. However, when I have been out to the bars lately, it seems like there are a ton of straight people there. We don't have any lesbian bars around here, just mostly male/mixed. At the main dance club, it always seems like about half the women there are straight, and I've seen straight guys out at the gay bar with their girlfriends (you can pretty much always tell because they are hanging off of each other like "hey we are STRAIGHT just in case anyone was confused about that").

lol nope, he was gay. Just super judgey. There WAS a poor straight boy I felt kind of bad for. Apparently his friends insisted he come out to the club with them, but neglected to tell him which club, and then pretty much ditched him. He looked so lost. 

 

Which irritates me...I don't go in their bars, why do they insist on shoving it in our face?

Sent from my HTC One X using Tapatalk

Desperate need to explain shitty fashion sense and/or lack of awesomeness?

[Bekah]

What the what? That's hilarious.

 

Is it likely he was lost? I don't get out to the gay bars as much as I used to in my town - I love to go out dancing but for some reason every gay bar around here has to have drag shows until 2 a.m., and by the time they are over and the dancing gets started, I'm really tired. However, when I have been out to the bars lately, it seems like there are a ton of straight people there. We don't have any lesbian bars around here, just mostly male/mixed. At the main dance club, it always seems like about half the women there are straight, and I've seen straight guys out at the gay bar with their girlfriends (you can pretty much always tell because they are hanging off of each other like "hey we are STRAIGHT just in case anyone was confused about that").

just my thoughts...maybe the guy/girl couple he's straight she isnt, but they are interested in a third and just trying to be up front that they are together...bc well, where else can they go for her to find someone? I'm obviously not there to see it, but its plausible...

and yeah when did straight girls going to gay male bars become a thing? Is it just that the lack of sexual interest factor by the men, makes it more fun for them?

[fleaball]

and yeah when did straight girls going to gay male bars become a thing? Is it just that the lack of sexual interest factor by the men, makes it more fun for them?

Safety, maybe. 

[shaeon]

just my thoughts...maybe the guy/girl couple he's straight she isnt, but they are interested in a third and just trying to be up front that they are together...bc well, where else can they go for her to find someone? I'm obviously not there to see it, but its plausible...

and yeah when did straight girls going to gay male bars become a thing? Is it just that the lack of sexual interest factor by the men, makes it more fun for them?

 

Sometimes, definitely. But as to where else can they find someone, I'm sure they've heard of the internet.

 

I'm 41 and straight women in particular have been in gay bars for as long as I can remember. And now I feel like an Elder Gay, passing down to you all what it was like In My Day (it was exactly the same).

 

I have no trouble with straight allies being in the gay bar. But the emphasis is on the word ally, here. The thing that bothers me personally the most is when I'm dancing and I smile at a woman on the dance floor, just trying to make a bit of a connection, and she gives me a look of wide-eyed terror, locks eyes with the straight female friend she is there with, and they both look horrified and work their way into the middle of a bunch of guys. It's insulting to come into a gay bar and treat some of us as if - by virtue of being gay - we are terrifying and must be avoided. There's a local straight bar (or you know, not designated gay and therefore presumed straight) that has a really good 80s night I like to go dancing at. If a guy there tries to dance with me, I don't react with horror. I just politely decline and keep on shakin' my booty. Hell, there are plenty of lesbians in the gay bar I'm not going to share mutual interest with! You can decline without being a jerk.

 

The other weird thing is I've faired far better at dancing with girls at the 80s night. I have no explanation for such things.

[ColoQ]

Safety, maybe. 

 

For some, yes. For others, there is the colloquial "hag," that their major social life is being surrounded by gay men (I know of several examples from my life). There is also an ill-conceived appropriation of the space... I can summarize the obnoxious straight girl thought as "we both like the same thing, therefore a gay bar is just as much my space as it is your space."  This is usually expressed in the form of obnoxious, drunk straight girls on a Bachellorette party outing to their local gay bar. 

Here in Las Vegas we had a bar called Drink and Drag: a Gay/Trans oriented bar/bowling alley / club. it was in the Downtown area smack between the Freemont Street Experience and the Freemont East District. For clarity: Freemont St. Experience is almost entirely relegated by locals to tourists, or ironic hipster-y bar crawls.  The Freemont East  District is where the popular locals bars are (caution: hipsters).  Between these two "districts"  Drink and Drag became one of the most popular Bachelorette party locations. Just before it closed, I went in and maybe .. 1/3 the patrons were LGBTQ. And most of us looked uncomfortable. I'm rather certain its what contributed to the cash flow problems that meant it's doom. 

Straight folks need to be respectful when they enter LGBTQ spaces. Their presence there isn't an automagic slap in the face, but... it can be. 

[shaeon]

ColoQ, I've been to Drink and Drag! Sorry to hear it closed, but yeah it was also pretty straight when I was there. If I return to Vegas any time soon, I'm going to hit you up for gay bar recommendations.

 

I was actually in Vegas to attend the wedding of a very close friend to her trans husband, and we were at Drink and Drag late at night on the day they got married. I actually feel like drag is one of the reasons why there are so many straight folk in the bars these days - drag has become pretty mainstream. People watch Drag Race and then they want to go see a drag show.

 

What was weird to me was how many straight people I ran into at the Spectrum Party at DragonCon this year, which is the gay party at the con. It's the only time I can think of running into numerous straight guys in a queer environment where they didn't seem uncomfortable being there without a girl. Two separate guys tried to dance with me there. One of them just kept dancing AT me, basically, and the friend I was there with tried to get rid of him by dancing really close to me. He started pumping his fist in the air and shouted "YEAAH!" Afterwards, I told her "aw honey, acting like we are a couple and dancing all sexy together is NOT how we get rid of straight men."

[ColoQ]

ColoQ, I've been to Drink and Drag! Sorry to hear it closed, but yeah it was also pretty straight when I was there. If I return to Vegas any time soon, I'm going to hit you up for gay bar recommendations.

Sure! I may not go out to the bars as often any more, but I know people.

 

I was actually in Vegas to attend the wedding of a very close friend to her trans husband, and we were at Drink and Drag late at night on the day they got married. I actually feel like drag is one of the reasons why there are so many straight folk in the bars these days - drag has become pretty mainstream. People watch Drag Race and then they want to go see a drag show.

 

What was weird to me was how many straight people I ran into at the Spectrum Party at DragonCon this year, which is the gay party at the con. It's the only time I can think of running into numerous straight guys in a queer environment where they didn't seem uncomfortable being there without a girl.

I've been to DEFCON - a hacker convention that occurs here in town, and there is a sub-group called QUEERCON... and they have several events over the course of the weekend that are mostly LGBTQ, and their main party on Friday night is usually very mixed because.. well.. its one of the best non-private parties at the con.

Two separate guys tried to dance with me there. One of them just kept dancing AT me, basically, and the friend I was there with tried to get rid of him by dancing really close to me. He started pumping his fist in the air and shouted "YEAAH!" Afterwards, I told her "aw honey, acting like we are a couple and dancing all sexy together is NOT how we get rid of straight men."

I try just hitting on the straight guys at a gay bar that are there to creepily pick up ladies. Works wonders.

[shaeon]

The Spectrum Party did have awesome music. I think that's the main reason it was such a mixed crowd. Actually, the only people I saw there who were kind of like "eeek! gays!" were friends of my friend. She and I kept trying to urge her little group away from just standing around awkwardly because we wanted to dance. I'd had a bit to drink, and perhaps was not at my most tactful? I suddenly realized what the issue was and said "ha, I get it. You're their gay card." Soon after they decided they didn't care for standing around uncomfortably while she and I danced, and headed out. It was a relief.

 

There's also Outlantacon out here, which is an entire LGBT/geek convention. I've never been. I've been thinking I should do at least a day pass this year, and see what it's like.

 

 

I try just hitting on the straight guys at a gay bar that are there to creepily pick up ladies. Works wonders.

 

That is awesome of you. Because god knows it can be hard for us to get rid of them.

[Hit]

 

 

 At the main dance club, it always seems like about half the women there are straight, and I've seen straight guys out at the gay bar with their girlfriends (you can pretty much always tell because they are hanging off of each other like "hey we are STRAIGHT just in case anyone was confused about that").

 

woop here comes the assumption police - just cos people appear to be in a heteronormative relationship does not mean the two people are straight, cis, or not-queer. so lets keep all the options on the table and not try to judge people super quick. that being said, this -

 

 

 

This is usually expressed in the form of obnoxious, drunk straight girls on a Bachellorette party outing to their local gay bar. 

 

and this -

 

 

 

It's insulting to come into a gay bar and treat some of us as if - by virtue of being gay - we are terrifying and must be avoided. 

 

are the biggest problems with non-exclusive gay bars. the local gay bar in Perth had a huge problem with bachelorette parties, but i think theyve outright banned them now. its hard to think of something more disrespectful (and just downright rude) to the queer community then celebrating your straight marriage in a queer space, where the majority of the people there cant legally get married.