LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Artinum]

Ze/zir? That's a new one for me.

[Viscura]

Ze/zir? That's a new one for me.

 

Yeah, the created pronouns are new on a lot of people who0 haven't had particular reasons to come across them. That's why I'm good with the singular "they" for most people, it's a little easier to adapt a known set of pronoun than learn a whole new set.

 

Still, there's always time for a quick Pronouns 101

 

[SevenofSeven]

Hi Lee, welcome.

[Hit]

Welcome to the boards Lee! Is ze/zir pronounced the same as xe/xir?

[Twilight]

Hi Lee!

[Thrillho]

I've just been using "yonder gentlefolk" all this time.  Again I have failed.

[Spark]

Thankfully, we here in Lower Nowhere have "y'all," which is a perfectly fine collective/singular pronoun.

[Anathema]

I've just been using "yonder gentlefolk" all this time.  Again I have failed.

 

Or succeeded awesomely! (any time you use "yonder," it's a win.)

 

I'm a fan of "all y'all."  Gender neutral and folksy as all git out.

[Teirin]

Hi. This looks like a place where I should be!

I am non-binary transgender - or genderqueer. Feel free to use the singular "they" pronouns, or if you have comfort doing so, I like the "ze/zir" pronouns too. Or, y'know, call me Lee

 

I've read some of the posts on here, it's nice to have a safe space that seems to really be a safe space.

 

Hi Lee :-)

[Artinum]

Welcome to the boards Lee! Is ze/zir pronounced the same as xe/xir?

 

Wasn't Xexir the final boss in Final Fantasy MCMXVIII?

[Thrillho]

I had no idea ze Germans were genderless!

[fleaball]

Yeah, the created pronouns are new on a lot of people who0 haven't had particular reasons to come across them. That's why I'm good with the singular "they" for most people, it's a little easier to adapt a known set of pronoun than learn a whole new set.

 

Still, there's always time for a quick Pronouns 101

 

Pronouns 101_smaller.jpg

Welcome to the party!

[WillToPower]

I have a question that I wanted to offer up for discussion - I'm curious to hear what people think about this:

**Disclaimer - I am using "Queer" as an umbrella term for LGBTQA and the various gender and sexual minorities that don't fall under that acronym.**

 

Is there a distinction between "Queer" as a gender identity or sexual orientation and "Queer" as a personal identifier, community, or culture?

If one falls under the umbrella term of "Queer", do they have to use "Queer" as personal identifier or be part of the larger "Queer" community?

Can a person be one without being the other? Would it be possible to be "Queer" without being "Queer", per se?

 

What do you all think?

[Hit]

Yes? Of course its possible to be queer and not a part of queer culture. There are a lot of people who actively disengage from the scene for whatever reason. Transfolk in particular often do this as they progress through their transitions and want to "just be straight" or whatever.

Can you be a part of the scene as a heterosexual? Maybe, maybe not. Depends on what type of person you are i guess. The scene is mostly created by people with shared experiences and similar outlooks, so i dont see why a heterosexual person couldnt join in, especially if they fall outside the gender binary.

 

*edits for grammar, removed depersonalisation 

[LindsayLifts]

I'm a heterosexual female and I have quite a few gay male friends. My girlfriends and I often go out with them in West Hollywood, which has a huge queer scene - soooo much fun. So yeah, you can totally be a part of the scene even if you, yourself aren't queer.

[mkdutch]

I'm glad that this thread exists.

 

Hello by the by! I'm (as I like to call myself) a pandemic, or demisexual and panromantic.

[Twilight]

Hello!

[RES]

I'm a heterosexual female and I have quite a few gay male friends. My girlfriends and I often go out with them in West Hollywood, which has a huge queer scene - soooo much fun. So yeah, you can totally be a part of the scene even if you, yourself aren't queer.

Not trying to speak for anyone else, but while you consider yourself 'part of the scene' you're really not. I believe what may have been meant by a heterosexual not being able to join in is there is no way you can experience what I do as a gay/queer female, because you are not gay/queer, any more than I could claim to know what someone who is African American goes through because I am not.

You have never been fired because of your sexuality, never been looked at oddly because of who you were married to, never had your family tell you that whomever you were dating was not welcome in their home, never had your children feel they had to get into a fight because of what some punk kid who did not understand said about you. So party scene, yes, and I have several straight friends who used to join us when we would go to the club, but there is much more to us than that scene.

[LindsayLifts]

Not trying to speak for anyone else, but while you consider yourself 'part of the scene' you're really not. I believe what may have been meant by a heterosexual not being able to join in is there is no way you can experience what I do as a gay/queer female, because you are not gay/queer, any more than I could claim to know what someone who is African American goes through because I am not.

You have never been fired because of your sexuality, never been looked at oddly because of who you were married to, never had your family tell you that whomever you were dating was not welcome in their home, never had your children feel they had to get into a fight because of what some punk kid who did not understand said about you. So party scene, yes, and I have several straight friends who used to join us when we would go to the club, but there is much more to us than that scene.

 

I said I was a part of the scene, like a participant, or more like an avid fan even. My best friend is a gay man and he confides in me all the time about his problems with life, love, and prejudice.

 

And I have had my family tell me who I was dating was not welcome in our home... my parents don't approve of me seeing anyone who isn't Persian or white.

 

Wasn't looking to ruffle any feathers here. I'm an ally through and through!

[Twilight]

Allies are great! It's rough when families don't agree with your romantic choices. I've never experienced racism like that. What Redeaglespirit is saying is that sure, you can get an idea for what it's like to be queer, especially in situations that may be similar (like racism), but having race used against you is a different experience than having your sexuality used against you. Not better or worse, just different. No one's trying to outdo each other on how much of a victim they are.

[RES]

I am sorry, wasn't trying to attack, just pointing out that your experience in the scene is different as a heterosexual person than mine is as a queer person. Personally I cannot imagine telling one of my kids that I did not accept who they loved...

[Bekah]

Double Post Dance

[Bekah]

Hi Lindsay and mk

I agree with what Twilight said. I am glad you are supportive of other' lifestyles outside of your own, the world needs more of that

WTP: I agree with Hitlionsoul and hey!!!

[Hit]

 

 

I believe what may have been meant by a heterosexual not being able to join in is there is no way you can experience what I do as a gay/queer female, because you are not gay/queer

 

WARNING - BAD LANGUAGE INCOMING

 

Without getting into intersectionality (far too big a word for a monday morning) i dont think this really holds water, because people will judge you on your characteristics before they judge you for who you actually sleep with. If you look like a 'dyke' or a 'faggot' or a 'tranny' you are going to experience what queer people go through regardless of your gender/sexual identity. 

 

This is why queer people disassociate with the scene in the first place, because they dont want to be tied in to the implications that go along with being 'out and proud'. The "oh im gay but im no queen" types. The "i got mine now fuck you" types. 

 

I agree that the scene is a lot more than going to clubs, and i think you're spot on when it comes to interpersonal relationships (like family, friends, close work colleagues). But the day to day life, the people who stare at you in the supermarket, or the gas station attendant who wont open the doors for you at night, or the shop owner who tells you to gtfo, they dont know who you sleep next to. They just see clothes, haircuts, voice - they judge you based on a perceived lifestyle regardless of the life you actually lead. And thats exactly what queer people fight every day.

 

So if someone wants to hang out in the scene; help create safe spaces, write and/or distribute resources for queer and questioning folk, volunteer with at risk youth, or even just grab coffee and chat (or whatever else qualifies as being in your scene), then they are a part of the scene. 

[LindsayLifts]

I am sorry, wasn't trying to attack, just pointing out that your experience in the scene is different as a heterosexual person than mine is as a queer person. Personally I cannot imagine telling one of my kids that I did not accept who they loved...

 

No harm done. Much love. Just trying to put my name down on the ally list

 

And yeah... that's why I moved out. I wasn't even with anyone at the time, but they were pressuring me to find a "good Persian or white man". If I made a comment in passing about how a Black or Latino man was cute, I'd get chastised.

 

Like Twilight said, it's not the same, there are similarities, but at base it's not the same and I get that.