night-wren Posted July 17, 2014 Report Share Posted July 17, 2014 My girlfriend is Asexual...fear I believe is her issue...other than no sex our relationship is perfect...however I am a VERY sexual person...but she would consider it cheating, and don't want to hurt her...but I do need more... Aw, I'm sorry. It's frankly quite terrifying from the ace side to know that your partner needs something you can't give them properly {there are aces who do, but there also are many who don't}. That's a painful place to be, for both of you. 1 Quote Newbie Hobbit Battle Log | Challenge: The Hobbit-Hole Rebellion{she/her/hers pronouns, please} "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about CREATING yourself. {to find is to come upon something either accidentally or by effort, but to create is to bring into existence or produce by sheer will}" --Unknown Hobbiton to Rivendell: 8.5mi of 458mi 1.9%1.9% Walking to Mordor {1779mi}: 0.5%0.5% Link to comment
redimagination Posted July 18, 2014 Report Share Posted July 18, 2014 Love this thread, great to see so much conversation going on! Bisexual here! Love and live with a man who is very supportive of LGBT+ rights. Quote Current Challenge Previous challenges:7, 6, 5, 4, 3. 2, 1 I am the one thing in life I can control Link to comment
Bekah Posted July 18, 2014 Report Share Posted July 18, 2014 Found this a while back.... it was definitely informative.I always wanted to be a Unicorn 1 Quote Druid Assassin Halfling Druid Level 16, Current Quest: Bekah Returns Spoiler Fitbit Facebook Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. - Jim Rohn Link to comment
RES Posted July 19, 2014 Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 I always wanted to be a Unicorn ALWAYS be a Unicorn.... 1 Quote RES...and I want to live days worth dying for Current: RES: Life is not Always SET Spoiler Really Eclectic Scorpio, Level 87 |1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27|28|29|30|31|32|33|34|35|36|37|38|39|40|41|42|43|44|45|46|47|48|49|50|51|52|53|54|55|56|57|58|59|60|61|62|63|64|65|66|67|68|69|70|71|72|73|74|75|76|77|78|79|80|81|82|83|84|85|86|87|88|89|90|91|92| | My Character Page | Tracking Spreadsheet | My Blog | Growth happens when you care more about the well being of your future self than the comfort of your present self! "Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is." -Yoda Link to comment
Artinum Posted July 19, 2014 Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 I'd rather be a dragon. 5 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
BeautifulBeast Posted July 22, 2014 Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 Oh boy I haven't been keeping up with this thread like I should. I have some catching up to do!!! 1 Quote Level 10 Wandering Nord Constitution: 15.5 Strength: 14 Wisdom: 17.5 Stamina: 12.25 Dexterity: 2 Charisma: 8Current Challenge: Picking Up The Pieces Link to comment
BeautifulBeast Posted July 22, 2014 Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 It's funny, I really do wonder if it's more of an orientation that we tend to give it credit for (as opposed to a consciously made relationship choice). This is just me totally spitballing here based on no clinical knowledge whatsoever, but . . . I mean, much like being queer or kinky, I can't remember I time I didn't feel nonmonagamous, before even knowing there was a word for it. Every relationship I've ever had has been at least theoretically open (sometimes neither the other person or I really took advantage of it because we were busy and no one likely happened along). The one exception, in college when I was still young and foolish and I thought I could/should change who I was to make a boyfriend happy, ended in me cheating. I've always felt that I couldn't limit myself to one partner any more than to one dear friend, but I also know that's just the way I'm wired, and while I don't get it myself, I understand that many folks are wired totally differently. My husband and I have been together for 24 years and in that time we've had one poly triad with another woman, we've had random hookups either as a couple or on our own, and we've both fallen madly in love with other parties and had long-term secondaries (my on-and-off secondary and I have been together for 8 or 9 years now, and my husband just adores him). It doesn't work for everyone but, as Dan Savage says, it works for more people than you might think, since so many of us are closeted due to societal stuff around nonmonogamy. And you only hear about peoples' kinks and quirks when they break up, so it's easy to see those things as the cause of the breakup rather than just one aspect of a relationship that didn't work for any number of elaborate or mundane reasons. My 2 cents. I agree with this completely! I think it is very much a sexual orientation. My husband is the same way as you, he has always been non monogamous but since he didn't realize people 'do' that he tried to force himself into the monogamy box and was very miserable for it. A few years into our marriage he read something about poly and it just struck him. Up until that point I was watching him subside from our relationship and completely hermit himself from other females for fear of cheating on me and having a strong desire to NOT do that. He was miserable and sullen and it effect us both. 1 Quote Level 10 Wandering Nord Constitution: 15.5 Strength: 14 Wisdom: 17.5 Stamina: 12.25 Dexterity: 2 Charisma: 8Current Challenge: Picking Up The Pieces Link to comment
Larkin Posted July 24, 2014 Report Share Posted July 24, 2014 I hate to sound like one of those people who make their gender and sexual minority status their entire identity, but, I'm (pre-any form of transition, alas) neutrois and pansexual. How is everyone? 1 Quote “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.†Link to comment
SevenofSeven Posted July 24, 2014 Report Share Posted July 24, 2014 Hey Larkin, welcome. Quote Wait! What............? Link to comment
Hit Posted July 25, 2014 Report Share Posted July 25, 2014 I'm (pre-any form of transition, alas) neutroisthis is a new one to me, but welcome to the boards yo edit: went and looked it up, on the ball now! probably still misguided though, so please feel free to expand on it if you like. Quote It's the moose on the inside that counts. Link to comment
night-wren Posted July 26, 2014 Report Share Posted July 26, 2014 Hello and welcome, Larkin! May I ask what pronouns you prefer? 1 Quote Newbie Hobbit Battle Log | Challenge: The Hobbit-Hole Rebellion{she/her/hers pronouns, please} "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about CREATING yourself. {to find is to come upon something either accidentally or by effort, but to create is to bring into existence or produce by sheer will}" --Unknown Hobbiton to Rivendell: 8.5mi of 458mi 1.9%1.9% Walking to Mordor {1779mi}: 0.5%0.5% Link to comment
Viscura Posted July 26, 2014 Report Share Posted July 26, 2014 Hi Larkin, nice to meet you I'm genderqueer - currently pre-transition too, though hopefully not for long. And I second night-wren's question. Quote Viscura[Cybernetic Warrior] Current Challenge LEVEL: 18STR: 23 | STA: 25 | CON: 22 | INT: 10 | WIL: 19 | DEX: 1 Stuff I do:Write stories and talk about being transVarious filmy/webseriesy things Link to comment
Reluctant Amazon Posted July 27, 2014 Report Share Posted July 27, 2014 It's fun to realize that you have too much mental illness to really determine the degree to which you are a gender nonconforming straight male vs. a lesbian transgender woman.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment
Varelse Posted July 27, 2014 Report Share Posted July 27, 2014 It's fun to realize that you have too much mental illness to really determine the degree to which you are a gender nonconforming straight male vs. a lesbian transgender woman. Reading this thread sometimes I ask myself if it's possible to be - sexually - a woman (and agreeing with it) but at the same time to feel that your gender?-role is masculine. More mental illness here, I think. Quote Level 4 10 WIS | 2 STR | 2 STA | 2 CON | 5 CHA | 1 DEX battle log | epic quest The Stoic Path of Virtue: #1 | #2 | #3 Current challenge: Don't break the challenge Link to comment
Reluctant Amazon Posted July 27, 2014 Report Share Posted July 27, 2014 Nah that's not mental illness, that's just par for the course in the gender/sex cloud.I have extreme anxiety that impairs my judgment. I often lie to myself to ease anxiety. It makes it hard for me to pin down 1 Quote Link to comment
night-wren Posted July 27, 2014 Report Share Posted July 27, 2014 Reading this thread sometimes I ask myself if it's possible to be - sexually - a woman (and agreeing with it) but at the same time to feel that your gender?-role is masculine. More mental illness here, I think. Mental atypicality, maybe, but I wouldn't call it mental illness unless it bothers you or causes you to hurt other people. It sounds to me like you're just somewhere in the vague n-dimensional Venn diagram of nonbinaryland. I've found that I prefer to introduce myself with she/her/hers and consider myself on the 'woman' side of the misogyny in my major, but, at the same time, I prefer to present and act as masculine. Identifying with butch as a gender is the best compromise I've found for myself. In my experience as it applies to me, the word 'butch' is a simpler way of saying 'transmasculine, non-binary, she/her/hers pronouns, I'm a guy, not a lady'. On the other hand, people tend to equate butch with lesbian, and I'm asexual, so whatever. I have extreme anxiety that impairs my judgment. I often lie to myself to ease anxiety. It makes it hard for me to pin down Ugh, having anxiety sucks. Mine is more avoidant than self-decieving, but yeah, I can see how it would confuse the definitions. 1 Quote Newbie Hobbit Battle Log | Challenge: The Hobbit-Hole Rebellion{she/her/hers pronouns, please} "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about CREATING yourself. {to find is to come upon something either accidentally or by effort, but to create is to bring into existence or produce by sheer will}" --Unknown Hobbiton to Rivendell: 8.5mi of 458mi 1.9%1.9% Walking to Mordor {1779mi}: 0.5%0.5% Link to comment
Candace Koller Posted July 27, 2014 Report Share Posted July 27, 2014 I often lie to myself to ease anxiety. It makes it hard for me to pin downI'm of the opinion that one shouldn't have to label it. We are all different people and trying to categorize people into neat little labels just seems like we are oversimplifying to me. We are human and humans are all different. For me, I want to be who and what I am without feeling I need to conform to a label. 4 Quote Goal weight: 135 lbs (61.2 kg), Starting weight: 200 lbs (90.7 kg)Current Weight: 196.6 lbs (89.2 kg) 5.2%5.2% Battle Log | ChallengeThe chronicles of my journey through mental illness.The Stories Not ToldBreak the silence. Fight the stigmas. Don't be afraid to ask for help.Level 2 Half-Elf|STR| 4 |DEX| 3 |STA| 2 |CON| 4 |WIS| 9 |CHA| 5 Link to comment
GamingPlenty Posted July 27, 2014 Report Share Posted July 27, 2014 Reading this thread sometimes I ask myself if it's possible to be - sexually - a woman (and agreeing with it) but at the same time to feel that your gender?-role is masculine. More mental illness here, I think. i'm one of those people that don't feel the need to seperate my gender and sex. when talking about myself the words are interchangeable. i'm a woman, happy to be in the female body. to me that has no effect on the role i see myself in, no effect on my mannerisms, and no effect on my hobbies. i do what i want, i just happen to have a vagina. 4 Quote Level 2 Wood Elf, Adventuring for Ranger statusSTR 4 | DEX 2 | STA 1.75 | CON 1.75 | WIS 2 | CHA 2 71.6%71.6% > 65kg 0%0% 100 days crisp free Link to comment
Reluctant Amazon Posted July 27, 2014 Report Share Posted July 27, 2014 People whose gender identity match their physical sex have that privilege. 2 Quote Link to comment
Varelse Posted July 27, 2014 Report Share Posted July 27, 2014 People whose gender identity match their physical sex have that privilege. Yeah, the fun fact is that I've been feeling weird all my life, but not anymore. One day I realized that I am happy being a woman, and I'm happy being 'masculine', so everything is OK with me. But on the meantime my life has been such a nightmare, haha. 1 Quote Level 4 10 WIS | 2 STR | 2 STA | 2 CON | 5 CHA | 1 DEX battle log | epic quest The Stoic Path of Virtue: #1 | #2 | #3 Current challenge: Don't break the challenge Link to comment
Hit Posted July 28, 2014 Report Share Posted July 28, 2014 i'm one of those people that don't feel the need to seperate my gender and sex.so a cis-person? but seriously, this isn't exactly a situation where "you dont feel the need" to do something. its like saying i dont differentiate between my nose and my mouth, i just call it my face. theyre different things, and even if they congruent for you, it stands to reason to understand the difference. 2 Quote It's the moose on the inside that counts. Link to comment
AnnieP (respawned) Posted July 28, 2014 Report Share Posted July 28, 2014 So, been on NF through 3 challenges and just found this thread last night and read through it. All 72 pages of it -- they don't call this Nerd Fitness for nothing, after all. So, "Hi." *waves*I'm a pan-romantic Asexual, as labels go. I'm mostly only "out" online (and that, sporadically). Real life is... complicated. I have a roommate of 23 years (my bff) with whom I share meals, finances, good times, bad times, etc, in addition to a home. Most people assume I'm a lesbian as a result -- which isn't offensive in the least, but it's not the truth. I am torn between the desire to live honestly (by telling the truth) and the need to not get the strange looks and rude comments that I have been subject to when I have been more open.Yes. I am "in the closet" by allowing people to think I'm "out".I have two brothers -- neither of whom has ever met roommate due to living in another state. One has made it clear that roommate and I are both welcome to stay with him at his house anytime. One never mentions her at all. The second brother's girlfriend told me recently (after having had waaaaayyyyy too much to drink) that my brother loves me, and the two of them can "agree to disagree" with me about how I 'choose to live my life'... yeah.Dad never really says much about roommate anymore (he did in the beginning, and none of it good), though he was forced to spend time with her when he flew out for my recent surgery. That went... better than expected. Mom, on the other hand, keeps asking me if I've "found a nice man yet" and worries that I'm "not a spring chicken anymore". I'm not planning a 'frank discussion' with either of them in the near future.I haven't discussed being ace with my friends since a particularly bad experience over 20 years ago. I'm sure my current friends wouldn't give me the "there must be something really wrong with you" lecture I got back then, but I just cannot bring myself to broach the subject.No one at work would really care one way or another -- telling them my orientation is really ace and not lesbian would just make it more of an issue than it should be with co-workers. As it is, they accept roommate as part of my family. They say hi to her, and ask me how she's doing. When I was leaving town for my surgery, my boss told me to tell roommate to call him if she needed anything. (gods, I love my job)Sorry, that post grew to be much longer than I had planned. :/ 3 Quote AnnieP (respawned) Starting over Newbie (second time's the charm) "Never be satisfied with anything less than absolute perfection! ...said no sane person ever." -- Spark "And my cheese monster will never be satisfied by cheddar, only the cheese of accomplishment." -- Ze Frank, An Invocation for Beginnings(NSFW) Current Challenge: Finding Her Joy Again; Previous Challenge: Here We Go Again Link to comment
SevenofSeven Posted July 28, 2014 Report Share Posted July 28, 2014 Hey Annie, welcome aboard. Glad to have you in here! 1 Quote Wait! What............? Link to comment
GamingPlenty Posted July 28, 2014 Report Share Posted July 28, 2014 so a cis-person? but seriously, this isn't exactly a situation where "you dont feel the need" to do something. its like saying i dont differentiate between my nose and my mouth, i just call it my face. theyre different things, and even if they congruent for you, it stands to reason to understand the difference. yeah i'm definitely one of those cis people. i probably sound incredibly close-minded. i can understand someone not feeling comfortable in their physical body but i don't understand not identifying with the word. i'd like to understand why some people feel that way, because to me it looks like society stuck labels on what makes a woman or a man and these people simply don't feel like they fit them and i'm sure that it's not as simple as that. it's sort of like gender doesn't exist for me, if someone were to ask for my sex and then asked me for my gender i'd be really puzzled, because i'd feel like i just told them when they asked my sex. i respect that they are different things for a lot of people, and just not for me. i welcome anyone to tell me more about it, because i really don't get it, and i'd like to not sound like a dick. Quote Level 2 Wood Elf, Adventuring for Ranger statusSTR 4 | DEX 2 | STA 1.75 | CON 1.75 | WIS 2 | CHA 2 71.6%71.6% > 65kg 0%0% 100 days crisp free Link to comment
Hit Posted July 28, 2014 Report Share Posted July 28, 2014 Sorry i didnt mean to come across hostile, but the conversation happening in this thread requires you to understand and respect the difference between sex and gender. The broad strokes are:Sex - your physical characteristics (your genitals, chromosones, hormones)Gender - your mental characteristics (consciousness, identity)When these two are in alignment (as in your case) you dont even notice the difference. Things run smoothly and everything is fine. Thats being cis. When they dont align, shit hits the fan. Your brain is expecting one signal thing and getting another, its expecting testosterone but getting estrogen. Thats an example of being trans. 1 Quote It's the moose on the inside that counts. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.