Battle Kitten: Ascension

fleaball · September 12, 2016

This internship blows. Someone save me. I just want to go to sleep.

Severine · September 13, 2016

The internship sucks or the research assistantship sucks? Or both? You're doing so many things it's hard to keep track of which direction the suck is coming from And I couldn't tell whether you were serious about dropping that class or not. I like that I can't tell.

FWIW it sounds to me like the prof you're assisting is a total flake. As in they're actually being really unprofessional, and probably violating the faculty guidelines for working with students, if any exist at your school. Any chance you can meet with them, or send an email or something, and explicitly ask to establish some kind of schedule or work paradigm where you have a set number of days between being given an assignment and needing to turn it in? Is there some kind of RA handbook you can consult or something to see if you have any recourse if this prof tries to screw you over?

Re: people (on the internet, and otherwise) being dicks: you're not alone in being bothered by this. At least you're not the only one? It gets to me a lot. Reading certain types of news, accidentally seeing internet comments, overhearing conversations on the subway - these things routinely send me into a despairing funk about how casually cruel and ignorant people can be. I honestly have a very poor opinion of human beings as a species, and I am very pessimistic about our ability as a society to ever progress to anything resembling a fair and functional world without blowing ourselves up or fucking up the planet or otherwise ruining everything with our shortsighted ignorance. I know many wonderful people, but they're massively outnumbered by people so full of hate and irrationality that I simply don't understand how their brains work. And it's discouraging when I see even people I know to be basically decent casually slip into batshit crazy hatred simply because they haven't really thought through their views very hard. Like one time we were having breakfast with L's mum and she casually suggested that she thought maybe debtor's prison was a good idea and we should bring it back to help sort out the subprime mortgage crisis. WHAT.

My strategy for life is essentially to create a pocket universe of reasonable, compassionate people and try to keep myself and the people I care about insulated from the impacts of random selfish ignorant assholes.

Oh and re: queer/bi stuff. I've encountered a lot of casual ignorance/dismissiveness, from both straight people and queer folks who are only into one gender. People make jokes about how I can't make up my mind, or about how my sexuality basically entails being willing to sleep with anyone. So funny, right? :huh: I think it's something that a lot of people find harder to understand than just being into same-sex people. Just remember you don't have to justify or explain yourself to anyone. You don't have to prove your sexuality by dating someone or acting a certain way or any of that bullshit. And even if your sexuality, or even just the way you choose to express it, does shift over time, that doesn't mean that it wasn't real beforehand. It's nobody's business but yours. @Sylvaa is right that the people who really care about you will find it totally irrelevant.

Oh and I am pumped to see you do this 5K. And I think your willingness to sign up for stuff and try new things even when it might be a tad overambitious is a good tendency as long as you leave room for things to go slightly off-plan without feeling bad. When you're working on reach goals, the standard should be different than when you're trying stuff you know for sure you can do, you know?

fleaball · September 13, 2016

Everything sucks. Okay no not really, I'm just grumpy and exhausted. Did not drop class. Have thoughts about it though. But later. Right now it's 11:52, I got home ten minutes ago, and my alarm is set for 6:15. Brb crying.

Will catch up with everyone tomorrow evening at some point bc I hate mobile and don't want to be on NF on work computer. Mostly so I can pretend I'm a good person. Or something. Whatever. But don't be surprised if there are random "I hate everything posts" regardless. Actually if you're still surprised at this point you should probably reflect on how clearly unobservant you are.

I'm gonna go to sleep now and hope Captain Fuckball put out the damn trash. Cheers.

Owlet · September 13, 2016

5 hours ago, fleaball said:

Actually if you're still surprised at this point you should probably reflect on how clearly unobservant you are.

Hahaha.

Hope you slept well and today is less grumpy-inducing.

Sylvaa · September 13, 2016

10 hours ago, Severine said:

Oh and re: queer/bi stuff. I've encountered a lot of casual ignorance/dismissiveness, from both straight people and queer folks who are only into one gender. People make jokes about how I can't make up my mind, or about how my sexuality basically entails being willing to sleep with anyone. So funny, right? I think it's something that a lot of people find harder to understand than just being into same-sex people. Just remember you don't have to justify or explain yourself to anyone. You don't have to prove your sexuality by dating someone or acting a certain way or any of that bullshit. And even if your sexuality, or even just the way you choose to express it, does shift over time, that doesn't mean that it wasn't real beforehand. It's nobody's business but yours. @Sylvaa is right that the people who really care about you will find it totally irrelevant.

I love it when people agree with me!

In reality, good grief! Like, other than super good friends who knew me well enough to know that I am joking, I don't understand how random people can just demean another's sexuality. Like, I get asking questions (which might be kind of annoying - I could understand that), but ugh. People suck. I think the only thing to do in return is question how in the world the people being like that are only attracted to one gender.

Also, I wasn't supposed to be signing up for the 5k too, right? (Sorry, I'm always like "hey - I'll do all the things with you" and then am not sure what I've said I'd do). I mean, I totally will, I just haven't.

fleaball · September 13, 2016

Grumpy flea is grumpy. The buses are just as laughable as the trains here so I wound up rushing to get one then waiting outside for 20 minutes in 90% humidity since it decided not to show. As a result I feel gross and I'm pretty sure I reek and there's nothing I can do about it. Probably gonna pray CVS carries body spray and hit them up on my lunch break but that's so far away. D:

@Sylvaa I don't think you mentioned doing this one? If you want to drive 2 hours to run 3 miles I won't stop you. =P But you don't have to.

Sylvaa · September 13, 2016

6 minutes ago, fleaball said:

@Sylvaa I don't think you mentioned doing this one? If you want to drive 2 hours to run 3 miles I won't stop you. =P But you don't have to.

Which one is it? I like spending the day being a tourist in DC, so maybe I will do so....

fleaball · September 13, 2016

1 hour ago, Sylvaa said:

Which one is it? I like spending the day being a tourist in DC, so maybe I will do so....

Hot Cider Hustle, November 5.

Bookish Badger · September 13, 2016

I'd run for hot cider. MMMmmmm....mulled hard cider...... brb drooling (says the person with a zero-tolerance no booze challenge).

Tamesis · September 13, 2016

Hot Cider doesn't sound that bad right now. Bring me some while I'm in class!

fleaball · September 14, 2016

Holy mother of fuck I am exhausted. I had a very brief second wind but it's gone. It's 9pm and I was going to work on my research stuff but... nope. Maybe at work tomorrow. I feel bad for taking so long but honestly if you fucking answered my emails I'd've had something for you a week and a half ago? Anyway. Apologies if this post is more scattered than usual because literally the only reason I'm not in bed yet is that I'm waiting on my laundry to finish drying and some stuff needs to be hung up immediately or it will wrinkle something terrible and fuck if I'm going to iron it.

23 hours ago, Severine said:

The internship sucks or the research assistantship sucks? Or both? You're doing so many things it's hard to keep track of which direction the suck is coming from And I couldn't tell whether you were serious about dropping that class or not. I like that I can't tell.

FWIW it sounds to me like the prof you're assisting is a total flake. As in they're actually being really unprofessional, and probably violating the faculty guidelines for working with students, if any exist at your school. Any chance you can meet with them, or send an email or something, and explicitly ask to establish some kind of schedule or work paradigm where you have a set number of days between being given an assignment and needing to turn it in? Is there some kind of RA handbook you can consult or something to see if you have any recourse if this prof tries to screw you over?

Re: people (on the internet, and otherwise) being dicks: you're not alone in being bothered by this. At least you're not the only one? It gets to me a lot. Reading certain types of news, accidentally seeing internet comments, overhearing conversations on the subway - these things routinely send me into a despairing funk about how casually cruel and ignorant people can be. I honestly have a very poor opinion of human beings as a species, and I am very pessimistic about our ability as a society to ever progress to anything resembling a fair and functional world without blowing ourselves up or fucking up the planet or otherwise ruining everything with our shortsighted ignorance. I know many wonderful people, but they're massively outnumbered by people so full of hate and irrationality that I simply don't understand how their brains work. And it's discouraging when I see even people I know to be basically decent casually slip into batshit crazy hatred simply because they haven't really thought through their views very hard. Like one time we were having breakfast with L's mum and she casually suggested that she thought maybe debtor's prison was a good idea and we should bring it back to help sort out the subprime mortgage crisis. WHAT.

My strategy for life is essentially to create a pocket universe of reasonable, compassionate people and try to keep myself and the people I care about insulated from the impacts of random selfish ignorant assholes.

Oh and re: queer/bi stuff. I've encountered a lot of casual ignorance/dismissiveness, from both straight people and queer folks who are only into one gender. People make jokes about how I can't make up my mind, or about how my sexuality basically entails being willing to sleep with anyone. So funny, right? I think it's something that a lot of people find harder to understand than just being into same-sex people. Just remember you don't have to justify or explain yourself to anyone. You don't have to prove your sexuality by dating someone or acting a certain way or any of that bullshit. And even if your sexuality, or even just the way you choose to express it, does shift over time, that doesn't mean that it wasn't real beforehand. It's nobody's business but yours. @Sylvaa is right that the people who really care about you will find it totally irrelevant.

Oh and I am pumped to see you do this 5K. And I think your willingness to sign up for stuff and try new things even when it might be a tad overambitious is a good tendency as long as you leave room for things to go slightly off-plan without feeling bad. When you're working on reach goals, the standard should be different than when you're trying stuff you know for sure you can do, you know?

RA thing sucks balls. Internship is not terrible but there's not a lot of work for me right now and I get antsy/guilty doing nothing when I'm getting paid for it, so it felt kind of sucky. Someone explained it to me today as "this week and next week are crazy for us and basically we've all got so much to do it's easier to do it ourselves than try to figure out what you can do and then explain it to you." Which I can totally sympathize with and after she said that I sort of just chilled this afternoon. I fully expect it to pick up as time goes on because there are several big events happening toward the end of the semester, so I guess I'll just enjoy it now. I was totally not serious about dropping the class. And actually while I was sort of embarrassed about it when she called me out (politely, really) I surprised myself by getting over it really quickly. Go me.

There are no guidelines that I'm aware of, especially evidence by the fact that everyone I know who's an RA does something completely different. If she would answer her email I would have no problem with the nebulous scheduling and whatnot. The problem is that instead of doing what I can and adjusting it later, I'm using it as an excuse not to do anything. So I'm taking advantage of it at the very least. So meh. (What I'm trying to say is you make very valid points but me being me I'm just going to try to roll with it rather than make waves.)

Seriously? Debtor's prison? jesus christ no. I have more comments I want to make on that but I don't actually want to get into any kind of societal commentary right now so I'm just going to keep it to myself. Rawr. But I totally agree. Whenever I accidentally scroll too far down on YouTube or a news story or something and see the comments section there is immediate despair. I like individual people, but people as a whole are stupid. Le sigh.

Re sexuality stuff: A+ to all of this. In all honesty (because I've been thinking about it a lot since this was such an atypical reaction for me) I think the reason this particular batch of bullshit affected me so hard was because I identify with the character in question. (Which is vaguely silly because I am not a monster hunter and such, but there are similarities). And also I am really invested in them making him bi in canon because we need the fucking representation. There are 80 billion essays on tumblr and probably elsewhere about it. But basically yeah. It wasn't just "ew queer people" but also "how dare you try to make him not-straight that's disgusting" and "why does it even matter" when there are serious reasons that it really fucking matters. I need to quit this damn show. :rolleyes: As far as my sexuality goes, personally, I have exactly zero fucks available for distribution. Obviously I appreciate that people here are not ignorant shitty people and like me regardless, but in general I don't care what people think about it. And I've definitely moved on from worrying about whether it's okay to call myself bi or whatever. (Honestly I'm sometimes surprised high school Flea turned out as well as she did without the information I have now.) Not only am I secure in how I feel and not worried about people accusing me of making it up or whatever the fuck (also high school Flea had some shitty friends but didn't realize it at the time), I also get that sexuality is fluid etc so basically ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But thank you for reassuring me and being awesome in general.

15 hours ago, Owlet said:

Hahaha.

Hope you slept well and today is less grumpy-inducing.

PUPPYYYY. I slept surprisingly well given the limited time I had for it. And was much less grumpy despite the circumstances. I owe it all to your and wonderpup here.

13 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

I love it when people agree with me!

In reality, good grief! Like, other than super good friends who knew me well enough to know that I am joking, I don't understand how random people can just demean another's sexuality. Like, I get asking questions (which might be kind of annoying - I could understand that), but ugh. People suck. I think the only thing to do in return is question how in the world the people being like that are only attracted to one gender.

Also, I wasn't supposed to be signing up for the 5k too, right? (Sorry, I'm always like "hey - I'll do all the things with you" and then am not sure what I've said I'd do). I mean, I totally will, I just haven't.

People are dumb and we should ship most of them to the sun. The end.

8 hours ago, Bookish Badger said:

I'd run for hot cider. MMMmmmm....mulled hard cider...... brb drooling (says the person with a zero-tolerance no booze challenge).

Oh man I've only ever had mulled wine but I think I need to figure out how to do it to hard cider because that sounds amazing. Holy crap. I will drink enough for both of us.

8 hours ago, Neeko said:

Hot Cider doesn't sound that bad right now. Bring me some while I'm in class!

Idk where you live but where I am it is too goddamn hot for cider and I'm cringing just thinking about it. Sorry.

Fuck my entire life. I just shrunk my best-fitting work pants. The ones I complained about being too big on Friday. They're stretchy so they still fit that way, but they're well above my ankle now. I literally bought them 10 days ago. And don't have time to go get new ones until Saturday. So mad. They didn't say not to put them in the dryer and it was definitely not on for too long because some other stuff came out still slightly damp. Grr.

And now I'm off to bed, because bed. Also my roommate is home and has a 100.4 degree fever and fuck if I'm going to get that from her. Last year fulfilled my quota of getting sick ever-fucking-again.

fleaball · September 14, 2016

Day 1: half hour early to work

Day 2: five minutes waely

Day 3: holy traffic batman. I'm reasonably close but also doubt I'll get there on time. Surprisingly not concerned.

Slept maybe 7 hours. I am more functional than this time yesterday but cannot wait to sleep in tomorrow. And I'm still mad about my pants.

that at is all.

Severine · September 14, 2016

Tight pants aren't all bad...

fleaball · September 14, 2016

2 hours ago, Severine said:

Tight pants aren't all bad...

The problem is they're not too tight (super stretchy ftw), they're too short. :\ Otherwise I would totally pretend I could pull it off.

Severine · September 14, 2016

1 minute ago, fleaball said:

The problem is they're not too tight (super stretchy ftw), they're too short. :\

I don't have a gif for that

fleaball · September 15, 2016

Vaguely related and it makes me laugh:

(Also usually me whenever I actually have to get dressed and leave my house.)

I told myself all day I was going to do my RA stuff when I got home because a) it's been two weeks now and b.) it really shouldn't take too long in the first place. And yet I've been home for 3 hours and not done it. And my eyes are closing by themselves. Guess I'm doing it tomorrow.

Tamesis · September 15, 2016

On 9/13/2016 at 9:54 PM, fleaball said:

Idk where you live but where I am it is too goddamn hot for cider and I'm cringing just thinking about it. Sorry.

Lol today may actually be an acceptable day outdoors for it, but while I'm in classes, two of my rooms are kept at like sub-zero temperatures so hot drinks aren't a bad idea. I just got out of my microbiology class today thinking that I really should have brought the hoodie that I looked at before I left.

fleaball · September 15, 2016

30 minutes ago, Neeko said:

Lol today may actually be an acceptable day outdoors for it, but while I'm in classes, two of my rooms are kept at like sub-zero temperatures so hot drinks aren't a bad idea. I just got out of my microbiology class today thinking that I really should have brought the hoodie that I looked at before I left.

Okay, that's acceptable. The last two weeks it's been in the 90s when I have class and I've shoved a sweater in my bag just in case bc whoever controls the AC at school is an idiot.

Tamesis · September 15, 2016

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Okay, that's acceptable. The last two weeks it's been in the 90s when I have class and I've shoved a sweater in my bag just in case bc whoever controls the AC at school is an idiot.

What's up with schools and wanting to freeze us out? Although, one of our coldest classrooms is controlled by the hospital we're attached to, which makes perfect sense.

fleaball · September 15, 2016

27 minutes ago, Neeko said:

What's up with schools and wanting to freeze us out? Although, one of our coldest classrooms is controlled by the hospital we're attached to, which makes perfect sense.

Honestly. I prefer to be cold rather than hot but there are limits. If the classroom is super cold I will just want to crawl under the table and nap.

Tamesis · September 15, 2016

23 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Honestly. I prefer to be cold rather than hot but there are limits. If the classroom is super cold I will just want to crawl under the table and nap.

I have a few of those really soft blankets in the back of my car and I consider just snuggling up in those while I'm in class. But probably not the best plan. I struggle to be awake regardless in some of my longer classes. Like the one I have in 30 minutes. Their lecture is reading from the power point slides that we all have a copy of, in not a very engaging way, sooo staying alert can be a challenge in itself.

I agree with you though. Sweating in a classroom is no fun. At least with the cold you can throw a sweater or something on if needed.

fleaball · September 15, 2016

Surprise, I am not going to get that research done before class either. Mostly because I don't want to.

My therapist said that in the past few weeks I've seemed calmer and had less nervous energy. Maybe the pill is actually affecting it. Whee.

Time to go off in search of coffee.

Bookish Badger · September 15, 2016

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Time to go off in search of coffee.

Because caffeine is so good for calm... *ducks back into the burrow before flea can throw something*

RES · September 15, 2016

19 minutes ago, Bookish Badger said:

Because caffeine is so good for calm...

If you ever saw me without it you would see how true this statement is...

fleaball · September 16, 2016

I got less than 4 hours of sleep. For no valid reason. Please kill me.

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