[Harriet]

I have low and variable energy, and am trying to avoid crashes that last for weeks. Apparently my fatigue is due to viral reactivation, which is primarily triggered by stress, especially psychological stress. I should continue with meditation, good sleep, low-stress exercise, and somatic therapy. The year of hippie wellness shit continues, as does the year of bujo, because it provides a flexible, mindful approach to scheduling that can be done even during crashes.

 

I am tracking my crashes, and they seem to cover about half of my time, happening a bit less than once a month and lasting for weeks. It’s no wonder, then, that my routines and plans are constantly interrupted. If I accept that crashes are inevitable, then perhaps success will look less like a unbroken streak and more like circling back to the things I value. Persistence, not consistency. A spiral, not a beeline. (Thanks to Mad Hatter for the spiral metaphor).

 

Walking up and down hills in Cassis made me aware that my conditioning has worsened, so I want to get back to the rowing in the gym. I did three months, then quit when I crashed. For some reason I figured that, because I stopped, it meant the rowing plan itself had failed, and I didn’t bother rowing any more. With my new understanding of spiral-persistence succes, it’s time to circle back and keep chipping away at it.

Another idea I want to come back to is little “adventures” or outings to shops, cafes, the market. Staying at home is restful, but depressing, and it eventually shrinks my list of available behaviours. Although I think my fatigue is largely physical, I believe it also causes a psychological aspect of avoidance that further limits me. I want to push back gently on this and increase my comfort zone.

I have also noticed that, although I have stuck to my internet ban for a few months now, I am actually creating the same oblivion state through low quality books, podcasts, and other time killing activities that take me out of awareness of my environment, body, and mind. I want to be here for my life, even if it is uncomfortable.  So in addition to my physical exercise, I want to set aside some time every day for low stakes, low stress “study”, which could be painting, German, or a higher quality book or podcast. I must focus on the practice, not the achievement, because I just don’t like where my art skills are at right now. Art should be play, so my “study” should be fun.

To further work on trading oblivion for presence, I am trying to bring mindfulness to my eating, and my lifting. I am reading a book on weightlifting as a mindfulness practice for healing trauma—the somatic therapist recommended it. It very much chimes with Sovalis’s concept of embodied prayer, or Scaly’s metaphor of iron worship. Or literal worship? I am unsure. I was searching for a spiritual practice—I haven’t been able to stick to morning prayer or meditation because they both feel a bit hollow. But I am thinking of dedicating my lifts to a certain crippled god of valour, and trying to emphasise the mindfulness/embodied aspect of my lifts. I tried it this morning. It was good.

 

I’ll report on whether I managed prayerful gym, small adventures, mindful eating, and playful study.

[Harriet]

Saturday 04

 

Prayerful lifting: I did lifting as a form of worship. It was absolutely beautiful. I must find my invocation for the relevant deity, I have forgotten the words. 

 

For a small adventure: I walked to the market and back. I stopped at a jewellery stand and bought a pendant for myself. I have been wanting to do this for ages. I really like simple, semi-precious stone jewellery in silver like my mother used to wear. But Mr Harriet and his ULTRA FANCY mother in law have absolutely crushed my belief in my qualification to choose jewellery for myself, so I haven't bought much, if any, jewellery for myself for years. I picked a eudialyte pendant that is a dark pinkish red with black. It was expensive (well, I suppose expense is relative. It was 100 euros. Enough to make me almost change my mind. Mother-in-law's jewellery/wearable fine art goes for... much, much more) I told Mr Harriet about it, and he JUST COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF; he asked if a market was really the place to buy jewellery, and if I'm sure it's high quality and not fake, and when I explained that he and mother in law had very much dented my confidence with their stupid commentary and I just wanted to choose something I LIKE he finished with "Well, don't expect [mother in law] to applaud your choice." Was he trying out for the role of ARCH VILLAIN? I am so demoralised. Why did he do that? Then later, when he apologised, he offered yet again to buy me one of his mother in law's pieces. I don't think he understands that the problem is not him having preferences or stating them, it's him making out that his opinions are authoritative and objective because his mother in law is an artist or his friend is an artist. (What does that make me? A mere scribbler of piccies). It's some sort of impenetrable class barrier; I'm just not qualified to like or choose things, I'm too middle class. 

 

Mindful eating: I did some of this.

 

Study: I did a bad painting that was not much fun.

 

Other: I walked too much: 13000 steps. I guess I just wanted to make up for my terrible crash in Cassis and, I dunno, start being a better person immediately. It was a mistake. My lower legs hurt so much it was hard to fall asleep. 

[Harriet]

Sunday 5

Embodied Prayer: I went to the gym and did some rowing. Honestly I forgot to make it mindful or prayerful; I listened to a podcast instead. I wonder if rowing is really the right activity for prayer. It's long and boring, whereas lifting requires very short bursts of pure attention and effort.

No small adventure; will ideally do two per week. 

Mindful eating: yes, I did some of this. 

Study: I listened to my first podcast from 'you're dead to me', thanks to @sarakingdom. I listened to Coldmirror's 5 Minuten Harry Podcast (German practice). I wanted to listen while rowing but I couldn't stop sniggering so I had to stop. My brother had a similar but more dangerous problem when he tried to listen to her while bench pressing. Not conducive to optimum intraabdominal pressure. Coldmirror is insane and hilarious. I also did a bit of an art class.

 

Other: Had another talk with Mr Harriet about children where I explained my intense fear of returning to the endless crash state of earlier days, and my fear that I would be talked, persuaded, rationalised into it. He said maybe we don't even need to talk to a counsellor about kinderwunsch if I'm that certain, but I said he deserved to talk through his thoughts and feelings on the matter even if we come to different conclusions. I think I got through to him because in the past he has said we can get nannies, we can put the children in kita, my brother can be a second father... I pointed out that part time study was enough to produce the endless crash state and asked him if he thought that having children, even with a lot of help, would be less burdensome than part time study. He said no. I also pointed out that I don't like the idea of having children under conditions in which I'm planning to spend as little time as possible with them.

[Everstorm]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

I am actually creating the same oblivion state through low quality books, podcasts, and other time killing activities that take me out of awareness of my environment, body, and mind. I want to be here for my life, even if it is uncomfortable.

I do this so much, too.  We can be uncomfortably present together.

 

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

I really like simple, semi-precious stone jewellery in silver like my mother used to wear.

Sounds lovely!  You are certainly entitled to like what you like, and I am sorry to hear that you have been made to feel that is not okay.

 

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Honestly I forgot to make it mindful or prayerful; I listened to a podcast instead. I wonder if rowing is really the right activity for prayer. It's long and boring, whereas lifting requires very short bursts of pure attention and effort.

I find rowing to be sort of meditative, but it helps when I use the water rower, since the water sloshing sounds are very soothing.

 

I've missed you, Harriet.  I'm glad you're back!

[Mad Hatter]

14 hours ago, Harriet said:

Art should be play, so my “study” should be fun.

Yes! 

 

14 hours ago, Harriet said:

I am reading a book on weightlifting as a mindfulness practice for healing trauma

That's oddly specific but sounds very cool.

 

14 hours ago, Harriet said:

"Well, don't expect [mother in law] to applaud your choice."

Oh no, not MIL disapproving a pendant! 🙄 The petty part of me would wear a million cheap beaded necklaces every time I'd see her. 😄

[Harriet]

22 hours ago, Everstorm said:

I do this so much, too.  We can be uncomfortably present together.

 

Thank you. I hate it, but thank you 😛

 

22 hours ago, Everstorm said:

Sounds lovely!  You are certainly entitled to like what you like, and I am sorry to hear that you have been made to feel that is not okay.

 

Thank you. 

 

22 hours ago, Everstorm said:

I find rowing to be sort of meditative, but it helps when I use the water rower, since the water sloshing sounds are very soothing.

 

I would love to get to a point where cardio could be meditative. I wonder if I can work on it deliberately. Practice every time: "Empty your mind..." 

 

22 hours ago, Everstorm said:

I've missed you, Harriet.  I'm glad you're back!

 

Thank you! I had no internet on my computer.

 

10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Yes! 

 

I started a class on light and just did some balls for the first assignment. Soothingly simple and un-failable. 

 

10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

That's oddly specific but sounds very cool.

 

Yeah she is all about healing/soothing stored stress in the body/nervous system, and she knows I lift, so she recommended it. 

 

10 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Oh no, not MIL disapproving a pendant! 🙄 The petty part of me would wear a million cheap beaded necklaces every time I'd see her. 😄

To be fair, it's not MIL, it's Mr Harriet invoking MIL as an authority. Just like he invokes his artiste friend's opinion that pale people like me should always wear dark colours because dark colours are high contrast and that looks better (note the smooth transition from objective fact to totally subject preference?). Anyway, I guess he's not TRYING to be a total dick. He just has a habit of presenting his preferences as objective, and I have a habit of being way too sensitive to his approval. Bad mix. Hmmm. Must do something he hates. For practice, you know, exposure therapy. Tattoo? Purple sweater? Pink nails?

[Harriet]

Monday

Prayerful lifting: yes, I devoted my jump-to-pull up negatives and my OHPs to deity. I lost my mindfulness on the hip thrust but are those sacred enough to count as worship anyway? Uncertain.

 

Playful Study: Yes, I painted some greyscale shaded objects for a very simple, soothing beginner assignment. No stress just smooshing greys around.

 

Mindful eating: I did a bit of this but not at dinner when we were talking, and not for my snack which I just wolfed to help with the fatigue while we were out.

Adventure: Yes. Mr Harriet asked if today was a good day to go to the furniture store and check out the sofa he had his eye on. We had to get a train and a bus and I am wrecked, totally wrecked now. Typing from a prone position on the sofa, will probably catch up with everyone's threads tomorrow rather than tonight. But I did it. The sofa is great. So comfy. All other sofas are trash, I know that now. Now that I have sat on the one true sofa of goodness. It's so wide and fat and deep and soft and inviting and welcoming and forgiving. 

 

[Everstorm]

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

Must do something he hates. For practice, you know, exposure therapy. Tattoo? Purple sweater? Pink nails?

Clearly, an all-white wardrobe broken only by semi-precious stone pendants.

 

 

 

 

[Sovalis]

I can't in good faith "like" your first few posts on this thread when there's such discomfort in them, because I don't want you to think I want that for you. But I am absolutely here in solidarity as you sort through how to handle the spirals and all the - I'm going to say "unsupportive weirdness" instead of something rude - of Mr Harriet on subjects of jewelry and children. I really admire you, Harriet, and I want everyone in your life to get on board with how groovy you are. C'mon, Mr Harriet. You get a front row seat, be a friend instead of a downer. Argh. /rant 

 

Here to support your soul stretching and embodied prayers. 💜

[Laghail]

On 5/5/2024 at 10:55 AM, Harriet said:

I have also noticed that, although I have stuck to my internet ban for a few months now, I am actually creating the same oblivion state through low quality books, podcasts, and other time killing activities that take me out of awareness of my environment, body, and mind. I want to be here for my life, even if it is uncomfortable.  So in addition to my physical exercise, I want to set aside some time every day for low stakes, low stress “study”, which could be painting, German, or a higher quality book or podcast. I must focus on the practice, not the achievement, because I just don’t like where my art skills are at right now. Art should be play, so my “study” should be fun.

To further work on trading oblivion for presence, I am trying to bring mindfulness to my eating, and my lifting. I am reading a book on weightlifting as a mindfulness practice for healing trauma—the somatic therapist recommended it. It very much chimes with Sovalis’s concept of embodied prayer, or Scaly’s metaphor of iron worship. Or literal worship? I am unsure. I was searching for a spiritual practice—I haven’t been able to stick to morning prayer or meditation because they both feel a bit hollow. But I am thinking of dedicating my lifts to a certain crippled god of valour, and trying to emphasise the mindfulness/embodied aspect of my lifts. I tried it this morning. It was good.

 

I love this so much, this sounds like such a worthy way to bring meaning to different parts of your life.

 

Can I raise my hand out of pure projecting my shiz onto you? Jon is often trying to eliminate unhelpful behaviors, and often falling into a frustrating game of wack-a-mole where he eliminates a bad habit, freeing up energy like it's supposed to, but some or all of that energy goes into a different unhelpful behavior. Jon is currently mad at his evil therapist who had the audacity to suggest that some of his unhelpful habits are coming from genuine needs of his body, that are being expressed in unhelpful ways. This quack of a therapist wants Jon to both eliminate unhelpful behaviors AND consider which unmet needs were being met by the unhelpful behaviors. E.I. Jon should stop doomscrolling on Facebook AND find trashy/brain-lite entertainment options for when his body is asking for gentle escapism; Jon should stop doomscrolling on facebook AND find low-effort ways to make himself feel reassured that he is involved in the lives of other people. 

 

It's possible that none of the above apply to the Harriet model of human being. This is literally Jon projecting his shiz onto Harriet, because Jon's therapist refuses to use a magic therapy wand and make Jon's unhelpful or difficult-to-meet needs go away.

 

TL;DR - therapy is a waste of time.

[Sea-to-sky]

On 5/5/2024 at 4:55 PM, Harriet said:

Another idea I want to come back to is little “adventures” or outings to shops, cafes, the market. Staying at home is restful, but depressing, and it eventually shrinks my list of available behaviours

I think this is a great plan. I find my mood massively effects my available energy. Getting out always helps me mood wise and its a trick ive used again and again. 
even if all your doing is just switching up the sofa for a coffeeshop, i find it can really help. 
for me, short outings work best when crashing as they give you maximum benefit for minimal output of energy. 
 

On 5/5/2024 at 4:55 PM, Harriet said:

Persistence, not consistency. A spiral, not a beeline. (Thanks to Mad Hatter for the spiral metaphor

I like this idea. Forward momentum despite shifting variables. Will have to remember that next time i get jammed enegy wise. 
 

On 5/5/2024 at 5:09 PM, Harriet said:

For a small adventure: I walked to the market and back. I stopped at a jewellery stand and bought a pendant for myself. I have been wanting to do this for ages. I really like simple, semi-precious stone jewellery in silver like my mother used to wear

Fantastic! So glad you did it. Necklace sounds lovely. 
 

a thing does not have to be expensive to be beautiful. Does not have to extravagant to bring you joy. If a cheap kids bangle you got out of a vending machine for 99p makes you happy, then thats what matters. You do you 🙂
 

i vote for pink nails and purple jumper. Bonus points if one of them is sparkly. 
 

(Just for the record, if you have a pale skin tone wearing dark colours close to the black end of the hue will highlight the paleness. That might be what your going for, its a trick goths often use to look pale without a ton of light foundation. Bright colours would probubly work better in my opinion. But this does vary depending on your personal hair + skin tone combo)

 

ps. Prayerful lifting sounds very metal 🤘

[Scaly Freak]

On 5/5/2024 at 9:55 AM, Harriet said:

To further work on trading oblivion for presence, I am trying to bring mindfulness to my eating, and my lifting. I am reading a book on weightlifting as a mindfulness practice for healing trauma—the somatic therapist recommended it. It very much chimes with Sovalis’s concept of embodied prayer, or Scaly’s metaphor of iron worship. Or literal worship? I am unsure.

 

Mindful lifting is the Way of the Temple of Iron. It's how we connect with the weight and make the muscles truly feel it.  

 

On 5/5/2024 at 10:09 AM, Harriet said:

For a small adventure: I walked to the market and back. I stopped at a jewellery stand and bought a pendant for myself. I have been wanting to do this for ages. I really like simple, semi-precious stone jewellery in silver like my mother used to wear. But Mr Harriet and his ULTRA FANCY mother in law have absolutely crushed my belief in my qualification to choose jewellery for myself, so I haven't bought much, if any, jewellery for myself for years. I picked a eudialyte pendant that is a dark pinkish red with black. 

 

That sounds amazing, and based on some of the pictures you've shared, it would probably look great on you. 

 

On 5/5/2024 at 10:09 AM, Harriet said:

"Well, don't expect [mother in law] to applaud your choice." Was he trying out for the role of ARCH VILLAIN? I am so demoralised. Why did he do that?

 

Because his brain-mouth filter broke, and he keeps forgetting that words hurt?

 

Since his mother isn't going to be the person wearing the pendant, her opinion about it is irrelevant. I hope you bought it, and wear it every day.

 

Also... I've been told this is controversial, but you are not actually required to spend any time at all with someone who talks down to you and makes you feel bad about yourself, just because they're a member of your family either by birth or by marriage. If they want your company, they need to earn it. (Edit to clarify that the "someone" in this situation is the MIL, not Mr. Harriet. Spousal situations have a different rule set.)

[Harriet]

20 hours ago, Everstorm said:

Clearly, an all-white wardrobe broken only by semi-precious stone pendants.

 

I'll have to try this. Five bucks says he doesn't even notice.

 

18 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I can't in good faith "like" your first few posts on this thread when there's such discomfort in them, because I don't want you to think I want that for you. But I am absolutely here in solidarity as you sort through how to handle the spirals and all the - I'm going to say "unsupportive weirdness" instead of something rude - of Mr Harriet on subjects of jewelry and children. I really admire you, Harriet, and I want everyone in your life to get on board with how groovy you are. C'mon, Mr Harriet. You get a front row seat, be a friend instead of a downer. Argh. /rant 

 

Mr Harriet was not unsupportive about the children conversation, just about me dressing myself lol. I should also point out I mostly only share things about him when he annoys me, not when things are going well. For example he organized absolutely everything about the holiday, so all I had to do was bob along behind him like a balloon. He rented a car and drove, even though he would usually cycle everywhere. He got groceries for us when I was too tired to come with. He scouts ahead on public transport and finds places for me to sit. He just has a few blind spots of insensitivity. 

 

18 hours ago, Sovalis said:

Here to support your soul stretching and embodied prayers. 💜

 

Yay! ❤️ 

 

17 hours ago, Laghail said:

 

I love this so much, this sounds like such a worthy way to bring meaning to different parts of your life.

 

Yeah, we'll see if it works this time.

 

17 hours ago, Laghail said:

 

Can I raise my hand out of pure projecting my shiz onto you? Jon is often trying to eliminate unhelpful behaviors, and often falling into a frustrating game of wack-a-mole where he eliminates a bad habit, freeing up energy like it's supposed to, but some or all of that energy goes into a different unhelpful behavior. Jon is currently mad at his evil therapist who had the audacity to suggest that some of his unhelpful habits are coming from genuine needs of his body, that are being expressed in unhelpful ways. This quack of a therapist wants Jon to both eliminate unhelpful behaviors AND consider which unmet needs were being met by the unhelpful behaviors. E.I. Jon should stop doomscrolling on Facebook AND find trashy/brain-lite entertainment options for when his body is asking for gentle escapism; Jon should stop doomscrolling on facebook AND find low-effort ways to make himself feel reassured that he is involved in the lives of other people. 

 

It's possible that none of the above apply to the Harriet model of human being. This is literally Jon projecting his shiz onto Harriet, because Jon's therapist refuses to use a magic therapy wand and make Jon's unhelpful or difficult-to-meet needs go away.

 

Yeah, no, definitely. I think I do need some escapism and low effort activities. I know my brain is trying to protect my low energy stores by saying no to everything new or effortful. But I think choosing bad, repetitive material for distraction is maladaptive; more interesting books and podcasts would be hopefully meet my needs better.

 

17 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

Fantastic! So glad you did it. Necklace sounds lovely. 
 

 

Thank you! 

 

17 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

(Just for the record, if you have a pale skin tone wearing dark colours close to the black end of the hue will highlight the paleness. That might be what your going for, its a trick goths often use to look pale without a ton of light foundation. Bright colours would probubly work better in my opinion. But this does vary depending on your personal hair + skin tone combo)

 

I know, I did go through an all-black phase and still wear black sometimes. I don't like how it goes with my hair, though. I think I know what colours I like. The trick is just to ignore Mr Harriet's opinions on them, like he shrugged off the revelation that I don't like the colours of 90% of his wardrobe. 

 

17 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

ps. Prayerful lifting sounds very metal 🤘

 

Literally metal. 

 

14 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

That sounds amazing, and based on some of the pictures you've shared, it would probably look great on you. 

 

Thank you!

 

14 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Because his brain-mouth filter broke, and he keeps forgetting that words hurt?

 

Yeah, something like that. 

 

14 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

Since his mother isn't going to be the person wearing the pendant, her opinion about it is irrelevant. I hope you bought it, and wear it every day.

 

Also... I've been told this is controversial, but you are not actually required to spend any time at all with someone who talks down to you and makes you feel bad about yourself, just because they're a member of your family either by birth or by marriage. If they want your company, they need to earn it. (Edit to clarify that the "someone" in this situation is the MIL, not Mr. Harriet. Spousal situations have a different rule set.)

 

She's not uniformly awful or anything, just intimidatingly fancy. She tries to be nice by giving me things and even took me into a clothes store on a whim while we were supposed to be getting groceries, but I experienced it as stressful because I need time to consider what I like, and sometimes I'm picky and want to say no to everything, but I also felt like I had to say yes to *something*. There's nothing malicious about her. A lot of it is my insecurity. 

[Harriet]

I feel like a sack of stones today.

Prayerful lifting: I planned gym but skipped it. Body says Nöööörghslghstuffxbnblmgork.

Adventure: not today.
Mindful eating: Not really. I had an unpleasant apparent hypo and have just been eating high calorie whatever in a desperate attempt to feel less horrible.

Study: I actually did a simple lighting study painting, and listened to Ologies on blood cancer and glycobiology. I read some of An Immense World. 

 

I slept a lot and am worryingly tired. 

[Sea-to-sky]

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

. I think I know what colours I like.

Gotta wear what makes you happy 😄

 

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

but I experienced it as stressful because I need time to consider what I like, and sometimes I'm picky and want to say no to everything, but I also felt like I had to say yes to *something*.

100% with you on this. Clothes shopping takes a lot of energy for me too. Anything with a lot of choices takes a lot of energy to be honest. Decision paralysis and i are old friends . 

[Sea-to-sky]

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

Nöööörghslghstuffxbnblmgork

That Sucks, but well done for listening to your body. 

[Everstorm]

Proud of you for getting in some study while feeling awful.

[Harriet]

21 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

That Sucks, but well done for listening to your body. 

 

19 hours ago, Everstorm said:

Proud of you for getting in some study while feeling awful.

 

Thank you possums ❤️ 

[Harriet]

Wednesday

Prayerful lifting: no, too wrecked this morning. I also cancelled grocery shopping and went back to sleep.

Adventure: Already did 2. Went to somatic experiencing therapist, does that count?
Playful Study: did another soothing simple lighting study and listened to history podcast. Also did a suggested exercise of trying to combine two animals into one creature. Turned out terrible but at least I tried.

Mindful eating: I did a little of this. Not the best work but some. 

 

Luckily I felt a tiny bit less awful after a mid morning nap. Still tired, though. Therapy was interesting. I told her about my fears about having children and that it would push me back into an endless crash state. I said there was a 1-5% of me that still thinks I would somehow manage, that the illness is somehow psychological so having more meaningful activity would help, or at least not make things worse. She said pretty firmly there is no evidence of that. In her opinion, I need to find a way to go more gently through my life and stop pushing so hard. She thinks the children question should be off the table until I am better. We also talked about prayerful lifting, which she loved, and she was surprisingly curious about which Gods I offer to and appears to be familiar with ancient Norse and Greek gods. Interesting. 

 

Tonight I will watch our football team play Madrid in the champions league semi. I am not a super sports fan but I acquired a football team fanhood when I married a Bavarian. 

[Jarric]

On 5/7/2024 at 4:30 PM, Harriet said:

Nöööörghslghstuffxbnblmgork

 

That's a lot of umlauts - I hope you feel better soon.

 

4 hours ago, Harriet said:

Also did a suggested exercise of trying to combine two animals into one creature. Turned out terrible but at least I tried.

 

This sounds like fun - I do like a chimera. Will have to add this to my list of drawing options.

[Mistr]

On 5/5/2024 at 11:09 AM, Harriet said:

Prayerful lifting: I did lifting as a form of worship. It was absolutely beautiful. I must find my invocation for the relevant deity, I have forgotten the words. 

 

Yay!

 

On 5/5/2024 at 11:09 AM, Harriet said:

For a small adventure: I walked to the market and back. I stopped at a jewellery stand and bought a pendant for myself. I have been wanting to do this for ages. I really like simple, semi-precious stone jewellery in silver like my mother used to wear. But Mr Harriet and his ULTRA FANCY mother in law have absolutely crushed my belief in my qualification to choose jewellery for myself, so I haven't bought much, if any, jewellery for myself for years. I picked a eudialyte pendant that is a dark pinkish red with black.

 

Good for you going on an adventure and finding a pendant you like. And buying it. I have had that argument with myself before and then been disappointed when the beautiful-but-expensive object was sold when I went back to buy it.

 

On 5/5/2024 at 11:09 AM, Harriet said:

It was expensive (well, I suppose expense is relative. It was 100 euros. Enough to make me almost change my mind. Mother-in-law's jewellery/wearable fine art goes for... much, much more) I told Mr Harriet about it, and he JUST COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF; he asked if a market was really the place to buy jewellery, and if I'm sure it's high quality and not fake 

 

I can answer those questions.

 

Yes, the market is a great place to buy jewelry when there are artisans selling pieces you like.

 

High quality compared to what? If you want to wear something made out of plastic and chrome, those are the right materials. If you like green jewelry you might choose malachite, jade or glass. All of those are the same quality, although not the same price. You might value a bracelet made of polymer clay beads strung on embroidery floss more than one made of gold if the first one was made for you by someone you love.

 

No, it is not fake. It is a real pendant. It is not something else pretending to be a pendant. The actual identity of the stone does not matter. You like the shape and the color. You did not buy it because you want to wear a ruby. You bought it because you like this stone. The fitting might be sterling silver or silver plate or some other silver metal. You will find out if it is real silver if it tarnishes and you have to polish it. 😜

 

I bought a pendant and matching earrings when I was on vacation with my mom a couple years ago. It was $100, which was outside my budget. But it was layered glass made by a local artisan and I knew I would never see it again.  It has colors I wear all the time. So now I wear it a lot to make that purchase a good value for me.  

[Laghail]

5 hours ago, Mistr said:

I bought a pendant and matching earrings when I was on vacation with my mom a couple years ago. It was $100, which was outside my budget. But it was layered glass made by a local artisan and I knew I would never see it again.  It has colors I wear all the time. So now I wear it a lot to make that purchase a good value for me.  

That sounds so wonderful! Can we see??

[Mad Hatter]

On 5/6/2024 at 6:27 PM, Harriet said:

Tattoo? Purple sweater? Pink nails?

Whatever you love is the right answer!

 

On 5/7/2024 at 5:30 PM, Harriet said:

Body says Nöööörghslghstuffxbnblmgork.

I felt that in my bones the other day.

 

14 hours ago, Harriet said:

Also did a suggested exercise of trying to combine two animals into one creature.

Ooh I did a whole course on this, super fun! Don't always work out though. Sometimes they would cancel out, or create an existing animal or make an unintentional chimera. What did you try to combine?

 

9 hours ago, Jarric said:

This sounds like fun - I do like a chimera. Will have to add this to my list of drawing options.

But was the exercise to make chimeras or scientifically viable creatures? Those take very different approaches!

[Sepherina]

A bit late but here to support you! Following.

[Harriet]

19 hours ago, Jarric said:

 

That's a lot of umlauts - I hope you feel better soon.

 

Thank you. Slightly better today but the umlauts may be permanent. 

 

19 hours ago, Jarric said:

This sounds like fun - I do like a chimera. Will have to add this to my list of drawing options.

 

It sounds fun but then it turned out terribly and I don't feel awesome. Why did it turn out badly? Why don't I feel awesome? EH?

 

17 hours ago, Mistr said:

Good for you going on an adventure and finding a pendant you like. And buying it. I have had that argument with myself before and then been disappointed when the beautiful-but-expensive object was sold when I went back to buy it.

 

Thank you.

 

17 hours ago, Mistr said:

High quality compared to what? If you want to wear something made out of plastic and chrome, those are the right materials. If you like green jewelry you might choose malachite, jade or glass. All of those are the same quality, although not the same price. You might value a bracelet made of polymer clay beads strung on embroidery floss more than one made of gold if the first one was made for you by someone you love.

 

No, it is not fake. It is a real pendant. It is not something else pretending to be a pendant. The actual identity of the stone does not matter. You like the shape and the color. You did not buy it because you want to wear a ruby. You bought it because you like this stone. The fitting might be sterling silver or silver plate or some other silver metal. You will find out if it is real silver if it tarnishes and you have to polish it. 😜

 

Real/fake stones I guess. I would also wear glass or wood or plastic if I liked how it looked, but I wouldn't be happy about being sold a semi precious stone if it were something else. I'm pretty sure the stones were stones, though. They have a website. The woman talked to me about sourcing difficulties for some of the stones.

I do have a glass necklace from MIL. But the difference is, it is a vintage art deco piece from a famous jewellery designer. You see, when you ask questions like "do I like this?" and "is it reasonable quality and does it look good?" you are revealing your middle class values. If you were FANCY you would be saying "what is its providence?" and "who designed it?" and "have other fancy people heard of the designer?" and "is this the kind of thing that other, more common people might also have access to? If so, I don't want it."

 

17 hours ago, Mistr said:

I bought a pendant and matching earrings when I was on vacation with my mom a couple years ago. It was $100, which was outside my budget. But it was layered glass made by a local artisan and I knew I would never see it again.  It has colors I wear all the time. So now I wear it a lot to make that purchase a good value for me.  

 

Lovely. Wearing it all the time is the best outcome and marker of success. 

 

9 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Whatever you love is the right answer!

 

I don't know what I love. I am not longer certain that I am qualified to dress myself. I think I like hoodies. Erm. I would like to have access to a more dressed up look, though. 

 

9 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Ooh I did a whole course on this, super fun! Don't always work out though. Sometimes they would cancel out, or create an existing animal or make an unintentional chimera. What did you try to combine?

 

I put a deer head on a lobster body. I tried to give it lots of little deer legs. It turned out badly, partly because it was a bad match but partly because I was lazy and don't know enough about those animals to characterise them well. 

 

4 hours ago, Sepherina said:

A bit late but here to support you! Following.

 

Thank you and welcome!