Snarkyfishguts: DBL

[Snarkyfishguts]

I took yesterday off from counting calories and then this morning I went back and counted what I ate because I wanted that 14 weeks of tracking everyday. But it was nice to take the day off and then change my mind. LOL. I went way over yesterday with eating cheesecake, and it was worth it! That being said, I didn't lose weight this week. Nor did I gain. I'll take it!

 

 What's next? Well, I'm going to drink a cup of coffee. I've been fighting off a depressive episode, and I think I need to increase my vitamin D, reduce sugar, and stick to my schedule this week without really focusing on how I feel too much. I've set my dawn simulator to go off at 6:20 AM so it will start bringing light into the room around 6am. I realized over the weekend that I really feel sad at the start of the day and then after dinner, and that it's not sunny at those times anymore.  The good news about this is that I felt good enough to notice the difference. before my seasonal depression would just meld with regular depression so there's progress being made here.    

 

I'm also going to be doing a lot of cleaning this week. Last week I was caught up in shopping for the trip/fall, which was fun, but I'll be happy to have a cozier week at home and settle back into the comfort of routine. At least for the next few days until we find out what Dad's cardiac rehab schedule is, then I'll have a NEW routine  

[Shello]

On 9/23/2023 at 8:30 AM, Snarkyfishguts said:

OOOH how did she like it?

From what I could tell, she loved it.  And so did my brother.  He was eating one of her brownies when she called me.  

 

On 9/23/2023 at 8:30 AM, Snarkyfishguts said:

The silliness is why I love it so much. Howard is my best boy. 

+

On 9/23/2023 at 8:30 AM, Snarkyfishguts said:

That's a show I really enjoyed but needed breaks in between seasons. 

Funny how that works out.  We just started season 3 of MMM last night.  We're still watching seasons I had seen before but there's a lot I had forgotten.  

 

On 9/23/2023 at 8:30 AM, Snarkyfishguts said:

I hope it's a good tool for you!

So far I am really liking how they handle different things.  I paid for the yearly upgrade plan.  It was cheap and I liked the bonuses.  I am being a little obsessive over the logging but I think that's usually how it is when it's a new app.  I need to find ways to back off so I don't get burnt out like usual.  

[Snarkyfishguts]

1 hour ago, Shello said:

I am being a little obsessive over the logging but I think that's usually how it is when it's a new app.  I need to find ways to back off so I don't get burnt out like usual.  

I hear you. It’s worth the time to enter meals and recipes so you can spend less time on it later. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

"Do I look like a weirdo?"

 

 

A little bit of silliness for your day.

[Snarkyfishguts]

On 9/25/2023 at 12:39 PM, Shello said:

From what I could tell, she loved it.  And so did my brother.  He was eating one of her brownies when she called me.  

  I missed this the first time! I love that your brother is close by to Peach, even if he is a brownie thief!! I'm also glad she loved the package!  

[Snarkyfishguts]

I spent most of the day outside and it really helped my mood. The sun is out and I got a lot of yard work done and went for two walks, and I'm super duper tired. It feels good to be active in the yard and it feels good to be in the sunshine. 

[RES]

3 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

It feels good to be active in the yard and it feels good to be in the sunshine. 

AFT, happy for you!

[Snarkyfishguts]

1 hour ago, RES said:

AFT, happy for you!

Thanks! It was so nice.next week is gonna be sunny too and I know I can’t stock up on sunshine and vitamin D but I am definitely gonna enjoy it as much as possible before the skies turn grey for the winter. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

I HAVE A SECRET!

 

The Secret is that in Only Murders in the Building, there are baked items that are featured in this season from a bakery that actually exists, and said bakery is doing orders to mail out said baked item anywhere in the US. So I ordered some and I think the baked item may arrive in time for the season finale Tuesday, and I'm really excited to surprise my folks with it! YAY! If they don't arrive on Tuesday, we'll enjoy them when they do.  

 

At some point, I forgot to stop making everything work.  I really appreciate @The Most Loathed because he helped me realize that I needed to just play for the sake of playing by sharing his own journey. I was like "Wait a minute, I need to stop working on everything and just do the thing for fun too!"  Deep breath. So it's time to just go do that. See you soon!

[Shello]

Well now I really want to be watching the current season of OMITB!  We are just starting season 4 of The MMM.  

[Snarkyfishguts]

2 hours ago, Shello said:

Well now I really want to be watching the current season of OMITB!  We are just starting season 4 of The MMM.  

It's fun. I broke down and told Mom today because she was so frustrated I said "Okay, we have something to look forward to!" and she was like "This is so cool!!" Dad will still be surprised. I thought about telling him, but he's having a bad mental health day around food, so I'm not telling him because that's just poking the bear. He'll find out Tuesday.

 

 

[The Most Loathed]

10 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

At some point, I forgot to stop making everything work.  I really appreciate @The Most Loathed because he helped me realize that I needed to just play for the sake of playing by sharing his own journey. I was like "Wait a minute, I need to stop working on everything and just do the thing for fun too!"  Deep breath. So it's time to just go do that. See you soon!

I have to credit my guitar teacher for this. I'm just the one floundering away at it  Let's learn to play a little more, in life, together.

[Snarkyfishguts]

Just now, The Most Loathed said:

I have to credit my guitar teacher for this. I'm just the one floundering away at it  Let's learn to play a little more, in life, together.

DEAL!  

[Snarkyfishguts]

Poor sleep, poor eating, poor exercise, and poor stress management for the last few days. I need a banana and a nap. A banananap.   

 

I'm not wearing my fitbit today. I need a break from data collection.  I'm not sure when I'm going to put the fitbit back on. Maybe tomorrow. I did count calories, but I may take a break from that too. I really want to lose weight and I really want to be healthy, but right now taking care of myself is about recognizing the areas in my life that don't come with an app.  I'm tired of keeping score, and I find myself rebelling against the apps in self-destructive ways, so I'm acknowledging that I need to take a break and will come back to the tools when I'm back in a healthier mindset. 

 

Today I played the ukulele. I haven't done that in ages  and it was fun. I learned the chords to play this song 

 

It's one of the most cheerful post-breakup songs I've listened to. 

 

I also just cleaned random things today and did some drawing for some embroidery patterns I think people might enjoy. It was this completely unstructured day of wandering around and dealing with stuff. Excepting when I lost track of time and got completely hungry/horrible to live with, it was a great day. 

 

 

[Shello]

Your day sounds lovely!

[Snarkyfishguts]

7 hours ago, Shello said:

Your day sounds lovely!

It really was, thank you!

[Snarkyfishguts]

I weighed in today at 229.5 which is a 2.2 pound increase this week. Looking back at my week, that is fair. 

The good news is that I took my monthly measurements and those are all down a quarter inch everywhere except my belly where I lost a full inch. So that's good too. 

 

 

I've been perfectionistic lately, and the problem with that is that I want to stop, but I want to stop in the best way possible. ? 

 

It's time for some personal growth!!!

[The Most Loathed]

On 9/30/2023 at 5:46 PM, Snarkyfishguts said:

I'm not wearing my fitbit today. I need a break from data collection.  I'm not sure when I'm going to put the fitbit back on. Maybe tomorrow. I did count calories, but I may take a break from that too. I really want to lose weight and I really want to be healthy, but right now taking care of myself is about recognizing the areas in my life that don't come with an app.  I'm tired of keeping score, and I find myself rebelling against the apps in self-destructive ways, so I'm acknowledging that I need to take a break and will come back to the tools when I'm back in a healthier mindset. 

This is good self awareness. No one is keeping score. If ditching the data collection feels right, do it. 

 

12 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I've been perfectionistic lately, and the problem with that is that I want to stop, but I want to stop in the best way possible. ? 

I hear this completely.

[Snarkyfishguts]

11 hours ago, The Most Loathed said:

This is good self awareness. No one is keeping score. If ditching the data collection feels right, do it. 

Taking a weekend off was really good. I’m back at it today and I feel ready to really be healthy. This may become a monthly thing. 

 

11 hours ago, The Most Loathed said:

I hear this completely.

It’s hard to stop. It feels good to do something well and be prepared.

 

I don’t know about you But I am always thinking “how can I make this better next time?” To where I forget to enjoy where I am because I keep thinking I should be better. and I am learning a lot from people who say “I’m good at this!” and just get better and better because they’re not tired from trying so hard. 

[The Most Loathed]

28 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I don’t know about you But I am always thinking “how can I make this better next time?” To where I forget to enjoy where I am because I keep thinking I should be better. and I am learning a lot from people who say “I’m good at this!” and just get better and better because they’re not tired from trying so hard. 

I'm definitely guilty of "how could this be better" thinking. "This is relaxing but how could I relax better"? Ah, dude, you could relax better by shutting up and relaxing.
I think that for me it's the opposite of the second half of what you said. I see a lot of people who say "I'm good at this" but they aren't. They just talk too much. Unfortunately for me I take that as a lesson to never say "I'm good at this" and just try harder. Probably not the right lesson but it's my kneejerk.

I think there's a middle ground that I'm trying to find and try to encourage in those close to me. Don't declare ones own awesomeness, let other do this for you but also, relax, just do what meets your needs both physically but also emotionally. Whatever is beyond that is just noise. So much easier said than done, at least for me. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

24 minutes ago, The Most Loathed said:

I'm definitely guilty of "how could this be better" thinking. "This is relaxing but how could I relax better"? Ah, dude, you could relax better by shutting up and relaxing.

?? I’ve thought this! Lol

24 minutes ago, The Most Loathed said:

I think that for me it's the opposite of the second half of what you said. I see a lot of people who say "I'm good at this" but they aren't. They just talk too much. Unfortunately for me I take that as a lesson to never say "I'm good at this" and just try harder. Probably not the right lesson but it's my kneejerk.

I think there's a middle ground that I'm trying to find and try to encourage in those close to me. Don't declare ones own awesomeness, let other do this for you but also, relax, just do what meets your needs both physically but also emotionally. Whatever is beyond that is just noise. So much easier said than done, at least for me. 

I absolutely get this.  Your middle ground is excellent ? 

[Snarkyfishguts]

My frustration with the calorie counting and activity tracking is diminished. I'm remembering this is a temporary tool to help me lower my blood pressure, get better cholesterol numbers and that losing weight is a part of that, but not the whole picture. Remembering the whole picture of health makes me feel better. This is the hardest part of the journey and if I can push through it, I'll look back a year from now and be happy with my choices. 

 

Okay, back to work then  

 

[Stronkey Kong]

6 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

My frustration with the calorie counting and activity tracking is diminished. I'm remembering this is a temporary tool to help me lower my blood pressure, get better cholesterol numbers and that losing weight is a part of that, but not the whole picture. Remembering the whole picture of health makes me feel better. This is the hardest part of the journey and if I can push through it, I'll look back a year from now and be happy with my choices. 

 

Okay, back to work then  

 

 

Sounds good. I definitely get the frustration and taking breaks are good so long as you get back to it. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

3 hours ago, Stronkey Kong said:

 

Sounds good. I definitely get the frustration and taking breaks are good so long as you get back to it. 

Definitely! ? it definitely is my biggest protective factor against stress eating ?

[Snarkyfishguts]

This week had ups and downs.  I had a binge eating episode after a bad day, and I take responsibility for that and accept the weight gain that comes with it. I also let go of feeling responsible for other people. I am not keeping anymore secrets for people, I'm not spending hours listening to people complain and make excuses. My plate is full.

 

Some people are assholes, and I can't make that better for anyone. Especially some of my relatives. I'm just gonna let them go be assholes. I was always taught that being kind and investing in people can make a positive impact on their lives, and I think that's true unless the person is an asshole. Assholes never grow and learn. You might know of a couple exceptions, but the assholes in my life are not on that list. 

 

Taking care of myself makes a difference. Not just in my weight loss but in my emotional well-being too. I like who I am when I spend more time on my health and taking care of my home and being with the non-assholes in my life. I feel like I can focus better, I sleep better, I laugh more. I like me when I'm taking care of me. I feel like I have worth and capability, and when I have worth and feel capable, I am less anxious which I enjoy quite a bit. So I'm going to take care of myself from now on.

 

So this week was good. I mean, it sucked a lot too, but I feel like I needed to confront some things and I'm glad that it went as well as it did.  Now I'm off to eat a banana and go for a walk. Have an awesome day!