[fleaball]

All of the space. In all of the ways that space can be had. [Copied and pasted from the most recent challenge because whoops, forgot about that one.]
 

1. physical space:

- find homes for all the shit in my room that doesn't belong where it is

- give away or otherwise get rid of the whole bin of stuff I don't want (by the end of the challenge)

 

2. mental space:

- journal OR meditate every day (both is better)

 

3. financial breathing room space:

- no more than 1 takeout order a day (ideally none but baby steps)

- don't buy anything that isn't an absolute necessity

 

4. spiritual space?

- someone help me out here idk how to spirituality

- go to the library and get the books recommended last challenge

[Whisper]

Hi Flea,

 

I am really happy to see you.

[RES]

[fleaball]

Challenge not off to a great start, but better than the last one. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

The tiniest bits of cleaning have happened to check off the goal. Meditating has been rather meh, have ordered food more than once each day so far, and honestly I haven't done anything about the spirituality goal except kick myself for not coming up with something specific I can track. Meh. 
 

on the other hand, yesterday I started physical therapy because my body hates me, and I accidentally walked a mile after it trying to catch Pokémon and I didn't die. (Still hate the company behind pokemon go but meh it's something to do.) I didn't even realize until I got home that I had no issues breathing despite my lungs still hating me post-covid. Yay for inhalers. But the downside of walking a mile after no activity forfuckingever is that I now want to die because everything hurts. 
 

oh. Forgot the other half of the financial goal. So far I haven't bought anything unnecessary other than food, which is good. But I need to buckle down and decide what qualifies as necessary (eg sunscreen if I'm going to keep walking after PT every week) and what really really isn't. I'm blanking on what some of those things are but there are things I saved in the Target app are like "do I actually need this or am I just making up excuses?" 
 

I am exhausted af due to lack of sleep the past couple days so I'll check in on people tomorrow or the next day if my brain decides to work. And if the cats let me get any actual sleep. 

[fleaball]

When I make exercise goals, I do no exercise. When I don't, I go out to catch Pokémon for hour-plus walks three times in a week? Ultimately it's a good thing but I'm also so wiped when I come back that I'm definitely not doing anything related to my actual goals. I have every intention of doing things but after not walking in forever I'm just fucking exhausted. So tl;dr this week was shit challenge-wise. Although I just realized I only ordered food once today so there's that. 
 

having trouble with motivation for anything else because depression is still winning. Cats are obnoxious, people I live with are obnoxious, the world is absolutely fucked, and I just want to go live in a cave in the woods somewhere. Still forcing myself to do some stuff but I'm not nowhere near 100%. I think I'm more annoyed by it than anything. Like hello, I have stuff I need and want to do can we table the bullshit for a minute so I can focus?

 

gonna go outside in a couple minutes to see if I can see the aurora but I'm doubtful because of light pollution. [edit: I was right. Womp]

[Radost]

Depression is a butt. You rock for doing what you can even with the dark beast on your shoulder. Keep it up!
 

Sorry the magic lights didn’t show for you. I’m gonna try again myself but I missed it last night and I can’t stay up late today so I’m not hopeful. 

[Whisper]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

aurora but I'm doubtful because of light pollution. [edit: I was right. Womp]

Might not be the light pollution: stayed up late hoping to see it, but nothing. I've got family in rural Colorado they've got just a slight bit of pink. 

[fleaball]

17 hours ago, Radost said:

Depression is a butt. You rock for doing what you can even with the dark beast on your shoulder. Keep it up!
 

Sorry the magic lights didn’t show for you. I’m gonna try again myself but I missed it last night and I can’t stay up late today so I’m not hopeful. 

they really should've scheduled it for a more convenient time. D<
 

17 hours ago, Whisper said:

Might not be the light pollution: stayed up late hoping to see it, but nothing. I've got family in rural Colorado they've got just a slight bit of pink. 

Idk if you tried this but apparently it's much more visible if you look through your phone camera? For me light pollution was a huge part regardless; my immediate surroundings are the worst for stuff like this. 

[fleaball]

Absolutely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this year morning. I've felt like shit all day and been in a mood to match. With no apparent explanation. The one thing I've done so far is laundry, and only because I need clean clothes for PT tomorrow. I'm currently avoiding a shower but that's also a must if I'm going out in public tomorrow because I'm so gross rn. Beyond that I don't think anything is getting done. Maybe a trip to target to pickup the sunscreen and other actual needed things that I ordered, but if I do that I'll want to stop at a local drive thru which isn't a great idea. Oh that reminds me: not helping my shitty mood is the scale being up a couple pounds. I haven't done anything lately to make it go down, but seeing it scoot up isn't fun.

 

Ive decided the spirituality goal isn't going to be a daily thing. More of a "read things and meditate and see what comes of it" goal. I did get a bunch of books from the library the other day but not the ones recommended in my last thread because while I was looking for those ones I kept getting distracted going "oh that looks good, oh this one sounds interesting, ooooh yes that too!" So I walked out with 7 books and honestly only stopped there bc the bag I had couldn't handle more. Woo nerd. 
 

so anyway. I am alive today and that'll have to do. 

[fleaball]

Took a shower. Went to target. Am about to go eat my weight in Chinese food and start another playthrough of FFXII because fuck everything else. 

[fleaball]

Didn't play FFXII last night bc I couldn't be fucked to turn on the tv. 
 

didn't go to PT this morning and am pissed at myself for it. Woke up and anxiety just took over and I just couldn't. This happened every fucking time I do PT and has also happened several times I've had appointments with various doctors. All of which I've seen before, which makes it even more annoying. So I called to cancel 40 minutes before the appointment, attempted to go back to sleep but really just tossed and turned for two hours, then gave up and have basically just been stewing over it all day. Needless to say my mood has not been super great. I fully intended to go. The entire reason I took a shower, did laundry, and went to target for sunscreen last night was because I had this appointment today and would be going for a walk. 
 

this will be getting journaled about later and also discussed at length with my therapist on Wednesday. I'll just continue sulking til then I guess. 

[fleaball]

I am seriously not feeling connected to these goals at all. Like, they're good goals and things I need to be doing anyway. But I don't feel any... idk "urgency" is not the word but yeah it's like I just really don't care about the whole challenge thing. Dear brain, get with the program please. 
 

- cleaning and getting rid of shit has happened

- meditation/journaling has been spotty

- lol at financial goals

[fleaball]

I cosplayed as a functional human today! Planned on cooking. Did the cooking. Except the ground turkey I had that said use by tomorrow cooked up weird and I didn't trust it. So I tossed it. End of meal, correct? 
 

nope! Pulled a frozen package of ground turkey out of the freezer and chucked it in the pan. My father was playing 20 questions again and I said "meh if this doesn't work I'll just throw a can of beans in my pasta instead."

 

who even am I? Aside from a person who is currently eating whole wheat pasta with ground turkey, mixed veg, and Alfredo sauce, that is. 😉