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(re)Arrival at the End of the Year


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Whoever decided that "sorry" was the hardest word has clearly never been gifted with social anxiety.

On that note, hello! I’m Phera. 34, He/Him, 85% human 15% coffee at any given time. Definitely not sixteen weasels in a trenchcoat. Who told you that? What did they look like? Were they carrying an oversized briefcase shaped like a goose? Don't believe a word they tell you, the moment they leave you'll notice all of your grapes have mysteriously vanished. The sneakthief.

 

Technically I've been here before, only with a different trenchco- username.  Which I cannot remember for the life of me, and the password for the account has vanished into the aether, no doubt snatched by a sock goblin.  (Honestly, they're never happy to just take the socks, always grubbing for more.)  But around the time that I was last here I was just fresh out of receiving a diagnosis for hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome that basically turned my reality inside out, placed a chicken on top of its head and proceeded to dance a merry jig over what was left of my coping mechanisms at the time while playing the most irritating tune in the back of my head at all hours of the day.  I met some great people in the time I was here, some of who I still see wandering around, and I felt awful about vanishing the way I did.  But I needed to take the last few years to snatch that banjo away from my mind gremlin, beat it back into submission and come to terms with all of the changes that I needed to accept and make for myself.

 

Since that point my health has gone downhill, not going to lie.  We got a diagnosis for CPTSD, and a diagnosis for ARFID that I can't really do anything about until I've seen a gastroenterologist (which I've been on the wait list for for over a year now); and my weight has hit its highest ever point, topping out at a little over 450lb/205kg.  I'm now also on the waitlist to discuss bariatric surgery.  So there's that.

 

So while I wait for more specialists to show up and tell me that there's nothing they can do expect make popcorn so they can watch me suffer more comfortably, I found myself in a much more stable headspace to be proactively improving my situation.  Nothing can be all bad, after all. 

 

Except decaf.  Decaf and me, we got problems.

 

So positives, I moved my younger brother in and now I'm not struggling to survive and pay rent, while also having physical support around the house.  I started writing again, going so far as to net myself a fairly significantly sized little fan club for some of my content.  Turns out people really like fanfiction, who'd'a thunk it?!  And overall the world does not seem like quite the dark and dreary place it did yesteryear.  Which is wild, Australia has more sunshine that it knows what to do with!

 

Now I'm rambling, probably my most significant talent to date.  In a nutshell, while my mental health has improved my physical health has suffered to the point that I'm struggling with instability in my lumbar spine.  In order to not end up in a wheelchair by the end of next year, I need to buckle down and build some basic muscle strength, since muscle is about all that holds my bones in place.  It felt like the right time to be back in a support system to do that.

 

So that's me!  If I don't know you, I'm excited to!  And if I did know you, I'm excited to know you again!

 

 

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2024 Intentions Roadmap

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Welcome (back) fellow coffee friendo! Your icon is amazing. 

 

Social anxiety is a real heckin bitch tbh. 

 

I'm jumping back on for the first time since April to do a challenge with the new year. 

  • That's Metal 1

Grey Jedi Ranger

Jedi Becomes Her Own Hero

Jedi Battle Log

“Keep Calm, Carry On, and Don't Freeze Up!”

- Oboro Shirakumo (Loud Cloud), My Hero Academia Vigilantes

Challenges: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43#44, #45#46#47#48#49#50#51#52#53#54#55#56#57#58#59#60#61#62#63

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2 minutes ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Welcome (back) fellow coffee friendo! Your icon is amazing. 

 

Social anxiety is a real heckin bitch tbh. 

 

I'm jumping back on for the first time since April to do a challenge with the new year. 

 

Thanks!  Coffee, cats and naps is my life motto!

 

2023 is gonna be a good year, I'm gonna make it one ?

 

New starts are the best vibes

  • Like 1

Do the thing

 

2024 Intentions Roadmap

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2 minutes ago, Pherales said:

 

Thanks!  Coffee, cats and naps is my life motto!

 

2023 is gonna be a good year, I'm gonna make it one ?

 

New starts are the best vibes

Yes yes YES. This. 

 

Let's do this shit.

  • Like 1

Grey Jedi Ranger

Jedi Becomes Her Own Hero

Jedi Battle Log

“Keep Calm, Carry On, and Don't Freeze Up!”

- Oboro Shirakumo (Loud Cloud), My Hero Academia Vigilantes

Challenges: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43#44, #45#46#47#48#49#50#51#52#53#54#55#56#57#58#59#60#61#62#63

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