Battle Kitten: Ascension

[Dagger]

1 minute ago, fleaball said:

It's not an entire page from the source. It's various chunks that make up a full page of our paper. My bad for not being clear. Our paper is on depression though so a lot of it is statistics, lists of symptoms, etc. I do the same thing with cutting & pasting relevant information just so I have it in one place if I don't have time to write it right then. Which I why I'm hopeful about it. She did say she's working from home tomorrow so she has time to work on the paper so I think she IS going to fix it. 

Ah, that makes a lot more sense and something I have done too in the past. Of course, if she doesn't fix it, it isn't anything. Because just some snippets isn't actually something.

 

I always hated group projects because you always had one or two people who didn't do anything. So if you wanted a grade, you had to do more. At the same time, the teachers says you shouldn't carry those people, but WTH are you supposed to do with them? Go tattle when you realize the day before the turn it they never did their part? Ignore their part and just pretend it isn't part of your project, but that would drag down the grade of the whole thing.

 

There really aren't any good solutions. The only times it has worked for me is when I've gotten to choose my group mates, but only if I've had time to get to know them (aka not first day or first week of class) and I don't need so many of them I can't realistically know enough people who want to work with me (aka six member groups are too big...).

 

/end rant

[fleaball]

I had some pretty disastrous group work in the spring semester. For one the prof was like "I wish you'd all come to me sooner so we could handle this." But like, we're adults and everyone else so far has been like "sucks to be you, work it out!"

 

We just decided to get our final draft done by Thursday morning. That means I'll have time to go back and edit/rework things if I need to. I hope I don't because I don't want to do extra work but at least it's a possibility. 

 

 

 

Speaking of extra work, I emailed my research prof to confirm that we were meeting tonight since she never got back to me, and suddenly her office hours are overbooked so can we meet next Tuesday instead? Well sure, why not. I guess you don't need my help that badly. 

[Dagger]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Speaking of extra work, I emailed my research prof to confirm that we were meeting tonight since she never got back to me, and suddenly her office hours are overbooked so can we meet next Tuesday instead? Well sure, why not. I guess you don't need my help that badly. 

This is like a bad comedy show, except it would be about something less boring. So the university pays you for doing no work (I'm guessing the prof doesn't pay for it yourself).

 

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

We just decided to get our final draft done by Thursday morning. That means I'll have time to go back and edit/rework things if I need to. I hope I don't because I don't want to do extra work but at least it's a possibility. 

*like* I also hope you don't have to do any extra work, but it is better to have that chance.

[fleaball]

Yeah as part of my "financial aid" (but it's really not) I got an award for X amount of money from the school, but in order to actually get the money I need to work 10 hours every week for a professor and it's paid out like a job. I more or less liked the one I had last year but she needed someone who could work more this year or something so at the last minute I got assigned to this lady and it's been a clusterfuck from day 1. 

 

Tbh I feel like MOST people in my position don't do the full ten hours and most profs don't give a shit about it. But this is a new level of not caring. 

[fleaball]

My roommate is sick, but she doesn't seem to have what I have. Which is good because I didn't give it to her but now I'm like "ugh stay away please don't share." She thinks she picked it up from a bunch of people around her cube who've been sick. Bleh. 

 

I need to get clothes to wear for the 5k but I don't know what to get. I haaaaate being too hot and wearing clothes that are too long when exercising, but it's probably going to be in the 40s that morning. Low 50s at best. Ugh. Shopping. 

[Tamesis]

4 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I need to get clothes to wear for the 5k but I don't know what to get. I haaaaate being too hot and wearing clothes that are too long when exercising, but it's probably going to be in the 40s that morning. Low 50s at best. Ugh. Shopping. 

 

Good luck! I'm sure you'll find something awesome to wear!

[NeverThatBored]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

My roommate is sick, but she doesn't seem to have what I have. Which is good because I didn't give it to her but now I'm like "ugh stay away please don't share." She thinks she picked it up from a bunch of people around her cube who've been sick. Bleh. 

 

I need to get clothes to wear for the 5k but I don't know what to get. I haaaaate being too hot and wearing clothes that are too long when exercising, but it's probably going to be in the 40s that morning. Low 50s at best. Ugh. Shopping. 

 

I like ear warmers/headband things for when it starts to get frigid. They help a lot!  At 40 degrees, if you're running or walking at a fast pace you'll probably warm up fast enough that an actual jacket would be too warm. 

[RES]

2 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

if you're running or walking at a fast pace you'll probably warm up fast enough that an actual jacket would be too warm. 

Had that problem with the Jingle bell one last year....was very glad I ditched the jacket before I started, though was glad for long sleeves!

[fleaball]

1 hour ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

I like ear warmers/headband things for when it starts to get frigid. They help a lot!  At 40 degrees, if you're running or walking at a fast pace you'll probably warm up fast enough that an actual jacket would be too warm. 

 

58 minutes ago, RES said:

Had that problem with the Jingle bell one last year....was very glad I ditched the jacket before I started, though was glad for long sleeves!

 

Yeah I'm not a fan of jackets in the first place, for anything. (Give me hoodies or give me death.) I'm thinking leggings/tights under shorts because I hate leggings in general but not as much as I hate exercising in pants. And maybe a long sleeved shirt. Depends on what I can find. Totally forgot I have a headband and gloves. Thanks ladies!

 

So I shouldn't complain about getting paid to do my homework at this internship but honestly I would also rather not get up at the crack of dawn and get dressed up and trek all the way downtown every day if you're not going to give me anything to do. I'm tired and would rather do homework on my couch. 

 

Group paper folks are currently arguing via text over who's going to edit the paper. Girl from Moldova insists I should do it bc I'm the only one from the US. German girl is saying she's also a native speaker bc her mom is from England. I'm just chilling and pretending I'm not seeing this trainwreck unfold. 

[fleaball]

Uggggggggggh. I got into my LAST choice capstone project that I applied for a few weeks ago. The one I put the least amount of effort into the cover letter for and that I really only applied to because it was the only project in my program. I don't know how I feel about this. 

[fleaball]

Update: I would have gotten into my first choice but it was cancelled because not enough people applied. So now I feel better about it.

 

So my options if I want to graduate are: do the shitty one I got accepted for; come up with a topic for and find a professor to supervise writing a 50-page research paper; or apparently the prof for the cancelled project offered to supervise 50-page papers on this same subject if people are still interested in the topic and working with the same client. Which I'm sort of interested in, except I have no idea how to turn what was essentially a consulting project into a research paper? I emailed her to ask about it but she's going on vacation tomorrow and I have to make a decision on whether or not to take the other project by Sunday night. Uggggh. 

 

Or I could wait and try to do something over the summer and just graduate late. Because on top of this, a research methods class (project management), and  another 3-credit class, I also have to get a job or an internship that will be substantive enough to qualify for my professional experience requirement. I might be fucked. x_x

[NeverThatBored]

How "substantive" does it have to be?

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, NeverThatBored said:

How "substantive" does it have to be?

Minimum 85% not bitch work (so doing research, writing reports, other actual productive work). And your supervisor has to sign off on it, so no bullshitting. My current place may look good on my resume, but the fact that I spent most of today doing homework or reading fanfic on my phone isn't helpful.

[NeverThatBored]

9 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Minimum 85% not bitch work (so doing research, writing reports, other actual productive work). And your supervisor has to sign off on it, so no bullshitting. My current place may look good on my resume, but the fact that I spent most of today doing homework or reading fanfic on my phone isn't helpful.

 

Maaan, that's annoying. Finding the things is the hardest part, so it would have been great if your current one fit the bill.

 

It seems like you're a paper-writing wizard, so I bet you can pull off one of the papers. And you sound really unenthusiastic about the one you got accepted for, so you probably shouldn't force yourself to do that if you have other options?

[fleaball]

20 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Maaan, that's annoying. Finding the things is the hardest part, so it would have been great if your current one fit the bill.

 

It seems like you're a paper-writing wizard, so I bet you can pull off one of the papers. And you sound really unenthusiastic about the one you got accepted for, so you probably shouldn't force yourself to do that if you have other options?

Yeahhh. My program director was like "this is our way of forcing companies to use you guys as more than unpaid grunt work." Um, actually, you're screwing us. If I turn down an internship because it's not good enough for you, there are dozens of students in this city waiting to take my place. 

 

Honestly I did think "I wrote a 20-page paper in 2 days, how bad can this be?" My hangup is that it's officially called a "substantial research paper" and will require actively doing original research instead of just cobbling together a bunch of articles and I have no idea how this prof thinks we can turn a consulting project into a research paper. I have until at least Sunday to make my decision, possibly longer. 

[fleaball]

Group paper update: most of the cut and pasted part has been rewritten, save one paragraph. I'll fix it tomorrow. I'm still working on my own part because I hit a wall at work where I just could not focus on anything and now that it's 10pm I realize I should probably get that done. Except my part got extended by two sections, apparently. There are 10 questions to be answered, we each took 3 and were supposed to collaborate on the last but no one has added to it. And there's no conclusion. Womp. 

 

I just wanna sleep, man. And I'm going back to student health tomorrow after class because while I feel like I've been getting better I also think the cough is getting worse. And I'm paranoid af after last year so ugh.

[Sylvaa]

13 hours ago, fleaball said:

Honestly I did think "I wrote a 20-page paper in 2 days, how bad can this be?" My hangup is that it's officially called a "substantial research paper" and will require actively doing original research instead of just cobbling together a bunch of articles and I have no idea how this prof thinks we can turn a consulting project into a research paper. I have until at least Sunday to make my decision, possibly longer. 

 

From a consulting perspective, there are a ton of ways to transition from a consulting viewpoint to a research viewpoint. It's actually super easy. So I'm confident you'll be like, "oh, I can't believe I even worried about this for a second".

[fleaball]

2 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

 

From a consulting perspective, there are a ton of ways to transition from a consulting viewpoint to a research viewpoint. It's actually super easy. So I'm confident you'll be like, "oh, I can't believe I even worried about this for a second".

Yeah the prof got back to me and while she didn't give me any specific details, she did say this project will translate well to the research paper. I keep putting things in separate boxes when I don't need to. (Also, duh, how do you consult without doing your own research at the very least. Good job, Flea.)

[fleaball]

Cried during therapy! Boo! Probably still going to cry and be off all day. 

 

Topically related but not what made me cry: 

 

On 10/25/2016 at 1:44 AM, Countess D'If said:

See, and take this with an ocean of salt, because hi. . . I'm in Vegas. But I don't think your problem is that you're queer, I think your problem would exist if you were straight as an arrow, too. Because I think your problem is you've had it pounded into your head for so long that you're basically not worth it that now you're scared of rejection: bi, gay, straight. Allllllll the colors of the rainbow. So that's where this whole self deprecating façade came from.  I've known you for a couple of years and . . . That's my long distance diagnosis.

 

I love you and if I was closer, I would force you to be my partner in introverted crime. We would not do things together ALL the time.

Therapist thought this was pretty on point. And also was surprised that I open up enough on here for you to come to that conclusion. 

 

On 10/25/2016 at 8:56 AM, Sylvaa said:

 

I'm going to add therapist talk - do you think the issue is that you don't feel you are worth an attractive partner; ergo, you can't notice "hot" people or any of that?

She was impressed by this even though I still swear it's not a thing. 

 

So gold stars for you guys. 

 

My fucking paper isn't done yet because at 12:30 last night they decided we need to meet for hours today to finish it up so I just gave up and figured I'll finish my section when we meet. The two of them are spending like an hour and a half on it now, then I'm spending the same amount of time with one while the other goes to an appointment. There is no need for this and I have no more fucks to give. 

[Sylvaa]

10 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Therapist thought this was pretty on point. And also was surprised that I open up enough on here for you to come to that conclusion. 

 

She was impressed by this even though I still swear it's not a thing. 

 

So gold stars for you guys. 

 

 

I am in the wrong field... 

[Dagger]

2 hours ago, fleaball said:

There is no need for this and I have no more fucks to give. 

Ugh. (I think that was appropriate response.)

[Countess D'If]

4 hours ago, fleaball said:

She was impressed by this even though I still swear it's not a thing. 

 

It's totally a thing. I was only "attracted" to bugger dudes for a long long time because I didn't want to be the fat girl with the skinny guy because people (me) judge those girls and SUPER judge those guys. 

[Countess D'If]

To be fair, now that Gary's all skinny and smexy-er from all the manual labor he's been up to, I want to get all skinny too so people don't be all - why you with this fat bitch? So I guess I never got over it?

[Owlet]

Sorry it's not more encouraging lol, I couldn't resist. I hope it isn't tooo painful. Re crying in therapy, hugs! I cried every single time I went to therapy if it makes you feel any better. It sounds like you're working through some deeply embedded stuff at the moment, I have no doubt that you will break through though and things will get better <3 

[fleaball]

3 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

 

It's totally a thing. I was only "attracted" to bugger dudes for a long long time because I didn't want to be the fat girl with the skinny guy because people (me) judge those girls and SUPER judge those guys. 

Oh I know it's a thing in real life. And honestly if you put an attractive person in front of me and they said they wanted to go on a date I would be looking for the hidden cameras. But in response to Sylvaa asking if that's why I don't even notice hot people, I don't think that's my issue. 

 

3 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

To be fair, now that Gary's all skinny and smexy-er from all the manual labor he's been up to, I want to get all skinny too so people don't be all - why you with this fat bitch? So I guess I never got over it?

Oof. I can understand that. It's shit and your brain is dumb for doing that to you though. <3

 

3 hours ago, Owlet said:

Sorry it's not more encouraging lol, I couldn't resist. I hope it isn't tooo painful. Re crying in therapy, hugs! I cried every single time I went to therapy if it makes you feel any better. It sounds like you're working through some deeply embedded stuff at the moment, I have no doubt that you will break through though and things will get better <3 

Hahaha that went on for a lot longer than I expected but it wasn't inaccurate. 

 

Yeahhh actually as much as I loathe crying I actually wish we'd talked more about it? Today was a crazy day in that way kept bouncing through interrelated topics (started with Countess' brilliant observation, and then I mentioned the ace thing, when then bounced to does my Catholic upbringing make me ashamed about sex in general [which was not as lame and acephobic at it sounds because she's constantly poking at my sexuality vs Catholic school so meh], and all kinds of relationship-related stuff). And then we wound up at like, yeah I'm scared of rejection and at the same time scared of actually being in a relationship because whoa, uncharted territory. And what prompted the crying was that despite all that I am craving intimacy right now. (Don't cry in the waiting room, Flea. Don't do it.) Not necessarily sex-level intimacy, but physical contact with another human being. And emotional intimacy and just being able to talk with someone and connect with them and honestly just be myself? Like y'all are great and I'm so much more fucking honest on here than I am in person. But at the same time most of you are people who live in the intertubes and however close we actually get I'll probably never actually meet you so it's a totally different thing from having an actual person I would feel comfortable sitting down and talking about all this stuff with. Because god knows my roommate is judgmental af  and totally unable to empathize with situations she doesn't understand, and several of my friends turn everything into a contest or straight up just don't listen to what I tell them. Never mind that certain topics (like this) seem to be off limits for whatever reason. 

 

So yeah, that happened. But we didn't really hit that point until almost the end of the session so we didn't get to explore it as much as I sort of wanted. Which means we will likely revisit it in the future and there will be more crying. Whee. 

 

That was a tangent no one asked for. Again.