Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

It's 4:50 pm. She has at least a 3 hour drive ahead of her. And she's made no indication that she's leaving soon. Someone kill me.

[fleaball]

So I put face wash in my hair this morning. After already having rinsed out conditioner. How's everyone else's Monday going?

[fleaball]

Fml I have to send emails to a bunch of random people on the West Coast and then call them this afternoon to say "hey did you get a chance to read my email? Wanna come to this conference I know practically nothing about but am supposed to sell you on anyway?"

[RES]

On 11/18/2016 at 2:06 PM, fleaball said:

I think the coffee one is more @RES

It's like you know me...

[fleaball]

Welp. Officially staying on next semester because they're cool with either giving me more work or at least saying they will. (Probably the former because there are two of us here now and I think next semester it's only me.) Not sure of my schedule yet but hey money.

[fleaball]

I made all of 3 phone calls on my list of 17. Left two of the most awkward voicemails and had a super awkward conversation. And have the other 14 to do tomorrow with 3 other interns listening to me. Awesome. u.u 

 

dont make me go to class tonight. I mean I'm already halfway there but I still don't wanna. 

[Owlet]

5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I made all of 3 phone calls on my list of 17. Left two of the most awkward voicemails and had a super awkward conversation. And have the other 14 to do tomorrow with 3 other interns listening to me. Awesome. u.u 

 

dont make me go to class tonight. I mean I'm already halfway there but I still don't wanna. 

Eww really? I hate making phone calls at the best of times, but doing it while other people listen? Nope. Good luck!

[fleaball]

Raaaaaaage. I'm trying to get dinner before class and everywhere I turn this guy and his son are in the fucking way. Like maybe it's just me but if you didn't stand in the middle of the aisle I wouldn't constantly be trying to get by you? 

 

Aaaaaanyway. Just got invited to a holiday party. Immediately started looking for ugly sweaters online, then the helpful part of my brain went "no you can't go. You got super fat since the last time you saw him." Brb stabbing my brain in the face. 

[Bookish Badger]

Stab that brain! Such "helpful" comments are not necessary. And btw, I think teefury.com has an "ugly sweater" (except they are tees & hoodies) sale going on currently.

[fleaball]

49 minutes ago, Bookish Badger said:

Stab that brain! Such "helpful" comments are not necessary. And btw, I think teefury.com has an "ugly sweater" (except they are tees & hoodies) sale going on currently.

Thanks! I just checked it out and they're delightfully nerdy. I want all of them. Buuuut this party is the same night as my work's party, so I'm trying to get something that will be appropriate for both. I've found some mildly obnoxous but cute cardigans I can probably get away with and would still wear around the house. (Or outside because let's be real, I have no shame.) It's just that they're so fucking expensive. @_@ I'll find one over the weekend, maybe. I do have a black Santa hat that says "Bah Humbug" AND 4 different pairs of Christmas earrings (most of which make noise, and all of which I can wear at the same time because yay piercings) so I'll be plenty obnoxious regardless. Ooh, I wonder if the silver glitter eyeliner I have still works? 

 

Stop me. Save me from myself. Actually I'm already kind of regretting RSVPing yes because beyond the guy hosting it I might know two people on the invite list. But I literally haven't seen him in a year (that just dawned on me wtf) even though we go to the same school and also I keep complaining that I need to meet new people and it's not like I'm going to achieve that sitting at home. I'll already have liquid courage going on from the work party anyway. 

 

Jesus. It's almost 3 weeks away and I'm already trying to talk myself into going. Fail. I'm gonna go to class now and try not to fall asleep.

[fleaball]

So my Uber driver said I'm full of positive energy and I bring it wherever I go and it's a gift from god. (And I laughed because I'm actually so negative.) and then later in the conversation he asked what my career goals are (after talking about my degree and he said I'd be in demand for anything if I keep up with Arabic) and I started to say I want to work with refugees and immigrants and he's like "oh bless you!" And he says he can tell by my voice that I'll be great at my job and will be a good leader and people will listen to me. And Im just like ???? I really want to believe you because you're an old retired psychologist who's worked in war zones so I want to think you know what you're talking about, but we only talked for half an hour. So strange. But I feel vaguely optimistic and content right now regardless. 

 

Also dropping this here so I find it later because idk where my actual journal is but I think my weird thing about rules and how things "should" be also extends to my health. Whenever I get a new injury or illness or diagnosis of something, initially I get very woe is me, my life has to change now, I'll never be the same again. It passes, eventually, but I didn't realize until just now that I seem to conceptualize "healthy" primarily as "lack of (chronic) illness/issue." The sprained ankle and whatever I did to my rotator cuff? Never going to be the same. PCOS? Well that can be managed but it never goes away. Asthma? Nope, be prepared to never exercise again because you can't breathe. All of which is an overreaction but hey, each of these things means I'm not 100% healthy, ergo I can never be healthy again.

 

Holy shit that makes so much sense. I'm so mad I don't have therapy this week so I can go flap at her about it. (Whenever I get excited about something I imagine myself as an obnoxious derpy cartoonish bird hopping from foot to foot and just flapping its wings up and down uselessly. Idfk.)

 

and to think, all of this came from me thinking about how quickly and easily I got winded during the Spartan and I was really disappointed in myself because I knew I was out of shape but I didn't expect it to hit me that hard and not so early on, and then thinking hey maybe it was the asthma I didn't know I had. And then I yelled at myself because yes that's entirely plausible but why tf am I wasting time looking for negative effects on my life? It's not the end of the damn world. 

 

Okay now it's bedtime. Have to be conscious to make the rest of those awkward phone calls tomorrow. x_x

[Owlet]

Haha you are awesome. And your uber driver sounds like the best. I'd almost consider finding excuses to need an uber if I got to have conversations with him. Which would basically mean developing a drinking habit involving bars on the other side of town. Or out of town. He's going to be my downfall. 

 

Nonbut really, that is cool and in just going to quietly smother the doubting part of your brain so you can enjoy/believe his comments. 

 

Also re asthma - my friend was just tellin me last week how she had asthma really bad as a kid, like hospital bad. But it's slowly got less severe over the years and became more of a stress related thing. And once she started practicing Buddhism it almost went away entirely. Now she does crosscut and surfing and any other fun activity she can think of. And yeah I know, it sounds like baloney, but I think there's a lot to be said for the connection between mind and body. I know I always seem to suffer more injuries when I'm stressed and down. But heck, even if you ignore all that it's still good to know asthma isn't necessarily a forever thing. Although I get that you're saying your automatic response has more to do with anxiety and less with logic maybe.  I'm gonna stop cause I started this post a while ago and now I'm kinda lost... Kthnxbye

[fleaball]

4 hours ago, Owlet said:

Haha you are awesome. And your uber driver sounds like the best. I'd almost consider finding excuses to need an uber if I got to have conversations with him. Which would basically mean developing a drinking habit involving bars on the other side of town. Or out of town. He's going to be my downfall. 

 

Nonbut really, that is cool and in just going to quietly smother the doubting part of your brain so you can enjoy/believe his comments. 

 

Also re asthma - my friend was just tellin me last week how she had asthma really bad as a kid, like hospital bad. But it's slowly got less severe over the years and became more of a stress related thing. And once she started practicing Buddhism it almost went away entirely. Now she does crosscut and surfing and any other fun activity she can think of. And yeah I know, it sounds like baloney, but I think there's a lot to be said for the connection between mind and body. I know I always seem to suffer more injuries when I'm stressed and down. But heck, even if you ignore all that it's still good to know asthma isn't necessarily a forever thing. Although I get that you're saying your automatic response has more to do with anxiety and less with logic maybe.  I'm gonna stop cause I started this post a while ago and now I'm kinda lost... Kthnxbye

Yes please smother my brain. It needs to be stopped at all costs. If I could pick my Uber drivers I'd go for this guy all the time. 

 

I totally get you on the mind/body thing, no worries. It totally makes sense. I know asthma isn't actually a big deal and honestly I'll be over it in a week or two. I'm really glad I decided not to do that half or join Sylvaa and NTB in their Spartan in March because training for and doing those things sounds extra miserable in the cold now, but I know having asthma doesn't mean no physical activity ever again. That's just the place my stupid brain goes. It's definitely more anxiety than rational thinking. Even though I don't actually feel anxious about it, which is interesting. Still comes from the disordered thinking that everything is terrible but hey, I'll take it for the time being. 

[Sylvaa]

13 hours ago, fleaball said:

Stop me. Save me from myself. Actually I'm already kind of regretting RSVPing yes because beyond the guy hosting it I might know two people on the invite list. But I literally haven't seen him in a year (that just dawned on me wtf) even though we go to the same school and also I keep complaining that I need to meet new people and it's not like I'm going to achieve that sitting at home. I'll already have liquid courage going on from the work party anyway. 

 

Jesus. It's almost 3 weeks away and I'm already trying to talk myself into going. Fail. I'm gonna go to class now and try not to fall asleep.

 

This sounds super fun! And I can't wait for the random obligatory drunken Flea posts!

 

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

I totally get you on the mind/body thing, no worries. It totally makes sense. I know asthma isn't actually a big deal and honestly I'll be over it in a week or two. I'm really glad I decided not to do that half or join Sylvaa and NTB in their Spartan in March because training for and doing those things sounds extra miserable in the cold now, but I know having asthma doesn't mean no physical activity ever again. That's just the place my stupid brain goes. It's definitely more anxiety than rational thinking. Even though I don't actually feel anxious about it, which is interesting. Still comes from the disordered thinking that everything is terrible but hey, I'll take it for the time being. 

 

When I was younger, I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. I've since pretty much outgrown / adapted. So you can still end up like me!

 

Also, that Spartan is still months away - you can always change your mind!

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Sylvaa said:

 

This sounds super fun! And I can't wait for the random obligatory drunken Flea posts!

 

 

When I was younger, I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. I've since pretty much outgrown / adapted. So you can still end up like me!

 

Also, that Spartan is still months away - you can always change your mind!

lol considering I won't know anyone at that party I probably will be in the corner posting here. =P 

 

I'm planning on giving asthma the finger and making it go away. I did get the obligatory "you know, losing weight can make a difference" from the doctor anyway.  But between cleaning up my diet and getting my ass in gear (yoga or GMB or something not intense) I feel like I'll get there once I get over the obligatory mopey period. And nooooo thank you I will pass on the Spartan. I have a follow up with the pulmonologist on 1/12 so I'm going to take it easy until I see her. I don't have the results of the breathing tests yet and the inhaler she gave me is only a 30-day sample to get rid of this cough so I don't want to push it. Blah blah excuses tl;dr no thanks lol. Maybe another one. 

[NeverThatBored]

12 minutes ago, fleaball said:

And nooooo thank you I will pass on the Spartan.

 

But we could play in the snow together?? And get cool special winter race medals??

 

13 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I feel like I'll get there once I get over the obligatory mopey period.

 

But imagine how much time you could save if you skipped the mopey period and just did something itty bitty and gentle TODAY?? Or even did nothing but just LOOKED at focused flexibility and made a plan or something like that? (There's a rumor they're supposed to make a major update to it this month!)

[fleaball]

49 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

But we could play in the snow together?? And get cool special winter race medals??

 

 

But imagine how much time you could save if you skipped the mopey period and just did something itty bitty and gentle TODAY?? Or even did nothing but just LOOKED at focused flexibility and made a plan or something like that? (There's a rumor they're supposed to make a major update to it this month!)

Tbh it's pretty tempting but I just don't think it's a good idea rn. :/ Time + money + training = fail. 

 

Plz to get out of my head, kthx. Poking at GMB again is on my list of things to do for the day to decide if I want to try Elements or FF next challenge. I saw in an email that they're updating FF. Should be interesting considering I haven't looked at the program since I bought it. 

 

Aaaaand I kept hitting the enter button on my work keyboard to create a new line in this post. Which I'm writing on my phone. Fail. 

[NeverThatBored]

11 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Tbh it's pretty tempting but I just don't think it's a good idea rn. :/ Time + money + training = fail. 

 

 

 

Your words confuse me. 

 

[fleaball]

7 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

 

Your words confuse me. 

 

I have that effect on people. And I want that cat. 

[fleaball]

Epic fail: coughing so hard you throw up. At work. 

[NeverThatBored]

35 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Epic fail: coughing so hard you throw up. At work. 

 

D: That's awful! Take care of yourself! 

[Owlet]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Epic fail: coughing so hard you throw up. At work. 

Oh gosh, that sounds nasty! Please get well now thanks. 

 

And apologies for all the typos in my last message lol. stupid phones grrr...

 

 

I would like that cat too please. 

 

[fleaball]

10 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Oh gosh, that sounds nasty! Please get well now thanks. 

 

And apologies for all the typos in my last message lol. stupid phones grrr...

 

 

I would like that cat too please. 

 

Lol ironically the cough is like 8000 times better than it was before so idek what happens. Yuck. 

 

Dude my phone does the same thing. I don't even pay attention anymore. 

[fleaball]

Super scary phone calls complete! Praying they don't make me call back the people I left voicemails for. One of the other interns kept watching me while I was doing it and said I sound really nice on the phone. I think she meant phone manner? But yeah, I'm an introvert with 8+ years of customer service experience. If nothing else I've mastered the art of pretending I don't hate people OR phone calls. 

 

In other news, research prof just got back to me for the first time since November 1st. Despite my emailing her 3 times a week. Her excuse? She's very busy this semester. I'm sure you are, that's why they're paying me to work for you 10 hours per week. But she has zero fucks to give and will sign off on my time sheet regardless so it doesn't matter. 

[Dagger]

8 minutes ago, fleaball said:

In other news, research prof just got back to me for the first time since November 1st. Despite my emailing her 3 times a week. Her excuse? She's very busy this semester. I'm sure you are, that's why they're paying me to work for you 10 hours per week. But she has zero fucks to give and will sign off on my time sheet regardless so it doesn't matter.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'll go with laughing because free money, right? Except for all the mental and emotional tension and troubles and... yeah. Laugh and cry?