I jumped out the window marked "EXIT"

[evedaline]

I decided that what I'm doing now isn't going to cut it and I want better. I'm ready to work my ass off for it. Right now, I am 178 lbs. A friend of mine turned me to this site and I've been hovering since June. I'm going to apologize in advance for length and possible bitterness, that's just how it looks right now... It's certainly not as awesome as the guy losing weight for his mom, but here goes. (Srsly badass, cbs42.)

 

I have been classified as overweight all my life, generally at an easily maintained 150 lbs on 5'4" frame. In high school I did gymnastics and swimming, so I had a fair amount of muscle mass, but topheavy with a bit of belly. Throughout college I did a lot of walking/biking/yoga. Based on my race/genetics I'm at a very high risk for diabetes and heart disease (yum!) so I've consciously avoided a lot of poor habits: candy, beer, soda, dehydration, eating late at night. However, I am a sucker for peanut butter cookies and some good wine. Can't win them all, all the time. I'm also an emotional eater, but over the past 2 years that translates to much fattier, larger meal portion sizes, though they are paleo-compliant. Just need to hone it a bit.

 

After college graduation, I moved to a new city and sacrificed my research career/network for a partner on the condition that they would help me establish myself and pursue my career in the new location. Instead, it became a judgy-why-don't-you-have-a-job-yet? sort of thing with the partner and so I took what I could quickly find. 

 

My boss was the bear in the office that no one wanted to poke. But I was an ivy leaguer who actually knew the material we were publishing, so I became a resource and peacekeeper. I watched as I was praised for working harder than everyone else, but not promoted (though I applied/qualified). Yet I had to train less experienced/qualified candidates for the position above me. I did my job well and learned a lot, so I tried to envision it as my end career, giving me the flexibility to become my best self. But basically, I was in denial about the fact that was settling--I trained for much bigger things and not using my scientific mind made me feel stunted/sad. 

 

About a year after beginning the position in 2012, the crap began to hit the fan and my body went: LISTEN UP SKANK! I quickly gained 15 pounds (stress eating + little sleep will do that) and was experiencing a myriad of health issues that seemingly had no cause upon doctor examination or careful dietary restriction: ear and tonsil pain, skin issues, constipation, worsening allergies, poor sleep, excessive anxiety. At the time I was working out 5 days a week (spin or yoga during lunch).

 

In 2013, I quit and began freelancing with the hope of more flexibility to do science-y stuff. This alleviated much of the stress of the crappy manager, and some of the health issues, but I was not prepared for the level of sedentary-ness, isolation, or lack of structure to get to the gym. Previously, at the office I barely sat for more than 30 minutes; I was always getting up to meet someone or grab tea, go to the bathroom, get printing. I wrecked my shoulders (no yoga for a bit and no gym nearby for spin or swim), gained another 10 lbs, classified as prediabetic based on h1ac, and realized that this still isn't where I want to be in the end--something must change. I want to pursue my childhood dream to be a veterinarian, allergies be damned. Luckily, I've been getting allergy shots for the last 2 years, and I have the prereqs from toying with being a human doctor and then possible grad student...

 

The final push: two weeks ago, my 6-year partner (fiance) informed me that he was not going to be supportive and would not compromise his career in any way, though he had been lying and saying otherwise for a long time. To some degree I empathize, but screw the patriarchy and people who lie or break promises for crap reasons. I certainly won't stand for it. So I moved the cat and kitchen appliances to my home state this past Friday. Yes, my top priorities are: vitamix, toilet-trained kitty, and laptop. I'm sad to have left the friends who were there for me and were genuinely awesome, but I suppose that's what the internet is for.

 

TL;DR: I was living a life with some lying/nonreciprocating jerks, who when pushed, would not back me. I decided that I had enough because 'dealing with it' (read: denial, sacrificing my dreams) made me miserable/sick/gain ~30 lbs. So I jumped out the metaphorical window into another state to restart my own awesome life narrative. I'm excited to participate in the community and get some accountability/inspiration.

[raptron]

That's a lot to go through in a short amount of time! Glad you've decided to channel all the GRRRRR energies and powerful change energies into creating a new narrative for yourself. Screw the jerks! Sounds like you are more than ready for a new start. Welcome to the rebellion!

[darkfoxx]

You are awesome and you will kick soooooooooo much ass during this new adventure - you don't even know. 

 

And the Internets are totally here to prop you up/kick your ass when needed. Especially those mouthy little blondes. ;p 

 

Edit: Who totally miss you, btw. 

[evedaline]

Thanks, raptron, yes!

 

All I heard from darkfoxx was: I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUUU! /heart 

 

<.>

[darkfoxx]

Lol. Well, let's just say it's a good thing my windows only open a crack. I could break some shit jumping from the 5th floor.  

[amnesiac]

Hey Evedaline,

 

I read your post this morning but I was rushing to work and I did not have time to reply.

I am sorry to hear how much stress and upheaval you have undergone recently but I think you have a fantastic attitude and I know you are going to achieve great things!

I too am a fellow noob. My partner and I have had similar issues regarding moving (country, not even city!) for career and one person compromising for the other. It is a very tough situation and one we continue to struggle with at the moment (I'm in Boston, he's in Toronto, who knows where we will be next year).

Anyway, I wish you all the best with your new goals and I hope to see you around the boards!

 

Amnesiac

[Amdhiel]

Sometimes jumping out the Exit door is the only way to go. I hit the button May 2013 and so far it was the best decision I've made.

 

You'll go far and your new narrative will be amazing!

[evedaline]

Amnesiac,

 

Woohoo, fellow noobs! Thanks much for the well wishes! Ouch, I'm sorry about the country part for you and your partner. Long distance sucks. That prior relationship was long distance for 3 years. But at least it sounds like both of you compromise in some way?

 

 

 

Yesss, Amdhiel! Leaving poor situations with bad employment really make a difference with anxiety/depression.

[Amdhiel]

Oh sweet! Just saw that you're in Philly. I went to college there at LaSalle years ago. Sometimes I miss south street and other bits, it's a good town.

[MegaShe-Ra]

Woo! It's great to make that leap!

Girl, you don't need no fool man who's not supporting you cuz now you have all of us here for that!

For real though, sounds like you've been dealing with a whole lotta stress and six years is a long time to be with someone who isn't going to be there for you. Making a big decision like that sounds hard but it seems like you're on a great track to making yourself better in all the right ways.