Battle Kitten: Ascension

[Wobbegong]

33 minutes ago, fleaball said:

And after 45 minutes on hold, it just hung up on me. That's cute.

 

eta: called back, got a different rep who sent me to a different department. Talk to this department, which sounds like the correct department, she says the only department that can fix the issue is the one that just hung up on me, and they close in 13 minutes. I fucking hate these people.

That's pretty stunning service right there. Wow.

[fleaball]

Was entertaining the thought earlier that I may be getting a cold. Not inconceivable given the stress and trouble sleeping and other assorted bullshit lately. And then I go downstairs because I have to go buy an over the counter antacid since my insurance is being a dick. My father judgmentally asks what I ordered this time, since I’m at the door. I didn’t hear him the first time, he looks up at me, “I said what did- JESUS you look horrible!” 

 

I guess I am sick?

[fleaball]

Flea vs Lyft: round 37. This place is open 2-4, my appointment to pick up is at 4? I initially planned on getting here at 2 but that didn’t work out, so I got here at 2:45. We’ll see how long it takes this time. I really just want to get a car and hit the road. 

 

I took a Lyft here and my driver was probably my age? Maybe a little bit older? But she was telling me she has 3 girls and is in school herself, so her daily schedule is something like: Drive 10p-5a, sleep for like two hours, drop the kids off at school, sleep for two hours, go to school herself, pick up the kids, make dinner/do homework/etc, sleep two more hours, go driving. I feel like I should not complain about my life anymore. 

[fleaball]

Oh my god I jinxed it. There’s practically no one here but everyone currently has to wait because the nice old guy who can’t computer lost the rental agreement (in the computer system) for the guy he’s currently helping so they can’t help anyone til that’s sorted, and the guy they have to call to fix things isn’t answering his phone. 

 

So much for not complaining. 

[fleaball]

Nooooooo the next person is here because they overcharged her for something and this is her 4th time here trying to fix it so this is definitely going to be a long fucking time. Goddammit. 

[fleaball]

Oh god and this girl has an attitude right now. Sweetie I know you’re annoyed that you’re out $140 for now but this dude gets 10+ people every day, you can’t just say “I’m back again” and expect him to know exactly who you are. 

 

Aaaaaanyway, I’m relieved not to be doing a challenge. Kinda feel like I’m missing out but I also have no inclincation to do it. There are definitely habits I want to be starting but I feel like it would be easier to deal with them without the stress of having to track. As I wrote that it occurred to me that I have said habits in the spreadsheet I’m using now. Derp. 

 

Nooooo I thought I was next but someone else appeared who had been waiting in a different section of the store. D: Basically everyone gets the same appointment time so it first come first served after that. 

[Owlet]

Oh my goddddd you need a new job. One that doesn't involve lyft because wow, they sound terrible. Also your Dad... 

21 hours ago, fleaball said:

My father judgmentally asks what I ordered this time, since I’m at the door. I didn’t hear him the first time, he looks up at me, “I said what did- JESUS you look horrible!” 

This scene pisses me off on so many levels. Dear universe, give Flea a job so she can move out asap please and thank you. 

[fleaball]

3 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Oh my goddddd you need a new job. One that doesn't involve lyft because wow, they sound terrible. Also your Dad... 

Yeah I’m looking. And crossing my fingers lol. Really hate Lyft even without this bullshit. Like it’s not necessarily a terrible job, but for an introvert who doesn’t really like driving it’s the worst haha. 

 

3 minutes ago, Owlet said:

This scene pisses me off on so many levels. Dear universe, give Flea a job so she can move out asap please and thank you. 

Yeaaaahhhhh. Sadly even if I get a real

job it’s gonna take a few months before I can move out.  Womp. 

[fleaball]

Clusterfuuuuuuck. They have to call to get the manager guy to make cars available to rent in the system. Again. So he’s trying to help someone else while waiting for that to happen, but the guy he’s trying to help is also having an issue, and it’s a fucking mess. Wheeeeeee. 

[fleaball]

So I have a car that needs an oil change AND the battery in the key fob is dying. After waiting two hours for it. It’s also dirty inside. This is almost not worth it, man. So now I have to get up at the ass crack of dawn because drivers are responsible for getting the oil changed even though Lyft pays for it, and this particular place says you have to be there between 8-10am. Arrrrrrrgh. They also told me I have to take the car to a dealer to change the battery, which is bullsht according to the owner’s manual. Yay. 

 

eta: also it doesn’t have a USB port to charge my phone. Luckily I still have the charger that goes in the lighter bc my car was ancient and I never throw shit out. 

[NeverThatBored]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Clusterfuuuuuuck. They have to call to get the manager guy to make cars available to rent in the system. Again. So he’s trying to help someone else while waiting for that to happen, but the guy he’s trying to help is also having an issue, and it’s a fucking mess. Wheeeeeee. 

 

Can't you just take his job?? You'd probably better at it.  

 

 

[fleaball]

26 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Can't you just take his job?? You'd probably better at it.  

 

 

Lol honestly. I mean he’s super nice and does his best and 3/4 of the issue aren’t actually his fault, it’s usually someone else fucking up somewhere and he can’t do anything til it’s fixed but yeah. Sometimes I just want to be like “hey can I try to fix it for you?”

[fleaball]

I swear I'm like the anti-@Tanktimus the Encourager. Pretty much all of my posts can be boiled down to "today is crap."

 

I feel really anxious and I don't know why. I mean yes, I have an anxiety disorder so it's bound to happen at some point, but I still dislike having that feeling without having anything to pin it on. Although I guess right now it's more a game of "okay what am I not anxious about?"

 

Just changed the battery in the key fob. +1 adulting for me. I haven't gone out to see if it works yet, but there's no reason for it not to given that I did everything it said. Fucking PepBoys and their bullshit "no you have to go to the dealer because they have to recode it if you change the battery." The owner's manual essentially says "pop thing open, switch batteries, close thing, drive." (For the record there's some kind of Lyft/Hertz partnership with PepBoys that if you go there, and only there, for maintenance it's totally covered; if you go elsewhere you pay out of pocket.)

 

Tomorrow I'm going to get up fucking early to get the oil changed in my stupid car (hopefully it's done fast because who the hell else would get stuff done on their car the day before Thanksgiving?), then drive for a while and probably hate everything while doing it. But I want money. Slash need money. Because while the oil is getting changed I'm going to call and sign up for the stupid expensive health insurance plan for next month just for peace of mind because I can't handle it. Even though they said I have my current benefits until the end of the year they also were talking about some other kind of coverage that was only for certain issues and certain pharmacies, but couldn't tell me what the actual difference was. (They said all that information was available online but I couldn't find it anywhere. All I found was just more of the same vague crap.) So paying that much money is going to be unfortunate but it will keep me from cancelling all my appointments and putting things off til January for fear of them not being covered, like that colonoscopy I still haven't scheduled but would really like to get overwith. Thank god for cash back credit cards; at least I get something out of it. Maybe once I've signed up for said plan I'll send an email to that therapist I wanted to see if she's taking new patients and can set up an initial eval. 

 

I keep bringing this up (or at least thinking about it, maybe I haven't posted as much as I thought) but I'm sincerely at a loss for where to start putting my life back together. Lyft gives me money, but it also screws up my sleep schedule and eating habits so that it's harder to get stuff done during the day and also harder to feel better physically. I'm looking for jobs, and while I've realized that I may just have to take something I'm not super hyped about while I sort myself out psychologically to figure out what I am hyped about, the available positions I'm finding are either organizations I couldn't fake an interest in if I tried, or things that make me want to play in traffic (mostly fundraising positions). So the job hunt is basically at a standstill. I'm all over the place food-wise because the kitchen is a disaster zone that I try to spend as little time as possible in, plus eating out has some kind of positive association with my mother buried deep somewhere. (Even when I've made overnight oats or have pasta in the fridge, I'll still opt for something else.) My epic lack of time management + fucked up sleep schedule has me making excuses for not exercising or cooking. I have no idea what I can start working on that will make me feel better even in some small way but won't clash with anything else. Okay no, looking at this list, getting sleep under control would probably help. Even if it's going to bed by 3 and up by 11 if Lyft requires that I'm out late. I've never been the kind of person who can come in from doing something and then go straight to bed, no matter how tired I am. 

 

Okay fine, you jerks and your peer pressure. When I come home from Lyfting I'm allowed to check in here if I have the brain cells, read, or journal. Go to bed within 90 minutes of getting home (hopefully cut down later). If I come home hungry, which I probably will, I'll have a banana and/or oatmeal, which the internet just said are good for sleeping. And I'll set my alarm for 9 hours from bedtime, until I have an actual need to get up earlier. Because of course I have to be one of those people who really needs 8 hours or more to function. 

 

Okay. That said, I need to set my alarm to go off in five hours so I can get that damn oil change, so I'm done here.

 

[RES]

I was going to suggest starting with something you know you need to focus on and find solutions you can reasonably do with the state of your life right now...but I see you're doing that so good job!!

 

[fleaball]

Didn't fall asleep til well after 4, so skipped the oil change because I should not be out driving on less than 3 hours of sleep. So there's that. (One of my cats woke me up around the time my alarm was supposed to go off and I was a miserable zombie, so good call.)

 

Had changed my alarm to 11. It went off, I checked the Lyft app and it's not super busy so I reset the alarm til 12. Then went "oh shit, my health insurance!" Call them to enroll for December, very bitchy lady tells me I'm already enrolled and my bill is due tomorrow. How can you enroll me if I don't agree to it?? So fine. Go online to pay, they don't take credit cards. Boo. Also, it's asking me for $284, not $234. Call back. tl;dr $284 is the monthly premium starting in 2018 and the system won't let me pay for next month. So now I have to drag my ass into Boston with my checkbook and sit there forever until a customer service rep can help me. Jesus Christ.

[fleaball]

On the bright side, my key fob works just fine now. It also only took like two minute to pay for my insurance. The first girl I talked to was like “yeah you were only enrolled this morning and it takes 48 hours before you can pay online.” Great, so I wasnt enrolled before I called this morning? Awesome. She tells me I’m fine, just go to the payment counter. Go to the payment counter, girl there says I’m jot enrolled. Arrrrrgh. Eventually it worked though. Huzzah. And I just broke a nail. D:

[Wobbegong]

1 minute ago, fleaball said:

Eventually it worked though. Huzzah. And I just broke a nail. D:

I was all prepared to like this post but breaking nails sucks. I hope it wasn't too terrible a break. 

[fleaball]

I am clearly not meant to be doing this. The car is making some noise that’s probably 100% normal but since the oil change is apparently overdue I’m paranoid that this noise means the car is just going to fall to pieces as I’m driving it. So I’m going home and won’t be driving tomorrow either, unless tomorrow morning I drive my father around in circles before he goes to my uncle’s, so he can tell me if it’s an issue or not. Right now I’m already stressed out because of the insurance thing, it’s raining, traffic is terrible, and I just can’t handle this. Plus fares aren’t high enough right now to justify the stress. Maybe later in the evening it would be better but it’s still ridiculous. 

 

On top of everything, I’m upset that I’m anxious in the first place. I KNOW I’m being irrational but the only way to make this anxiety go away is to call it a night. But I’m so tired of this bullshit and getting in my own way all the time. And it’s stupid because even when I was in a relatively good place and had shit under control there we’re still things that set me off unexpectedly. Right now I’m probably anxious because I had so many car issues in the past year and a half, and every time I dismissed something or at least assumed it wasn’t a big deal it turned out to be an actual issue. So I guess it’s understandable that car issues would set me off but I’m so tired of it. I want to be a normal human being and not constantly expect the world to end for no reason. 

 

And the best part about this is that when my father comes home I’m going to get talked at about how Lyft doesn’t seem to be worth it so why am I doing it, and if better demand they reimburse me for the time I’m not driving because of the oil change, and he told me driving today would be awful so I shouldn’t have done it, and why do I have to be the one to get the oil changed in the first place, and all kinds of other crap. Mostly just because he doesn’t like that I’m doing this so he has to be right and justified in not liking it. And yes, they should totally make sure maintenance is done between drivers, especially because they only allow us to go to a particular place with particular hours to get service done, but that’s not under my control regardless. 

 

I’m still waiting for December 1st to come and be told I have no health insurance because I didn’t pay for it too. Just since we’re talking about my anxiety issues and all the stupid bullshit I can’t let go of. Can I just go to sleep and have someone wake me up when they invent a way to instantly cure childhood trauma and also realign neurotransmitters/hormones/whatever the fuck else is involved? Thanks. 

[fleaball]

I was wrong. He called me from work (he's doing overtime) instead of waiting til he got home to tell me that an overdue oil change won't kill either me or the car and I'm totally fine and he manages to be so fucking condescending it's incredible. He has zero clue how to talk to other humans. And after all that he said "on Saturday you're going to have to show me some financial things because I can't keep doing this and I have to retire." I've offered nearly every other weekend since she died to sit with you and go over all your shit. Never mind that you're the one taking all this overtime on the assumption that you're going to die poor while at the same time refusing to actually take stock of your situation or talk to a qualified financial person about it. (Yes, there's more mortgage debt than there probably should be [partially his fault for being an ostrich] and yes the house needs work, but he has a pension, an IRA, and a chunk of the proceeds from the sale of my grandparents' house. He's not going to live to be 100, probably not even 80, so idk what the big fucking deal is.)

[Bean Sidhe]

*Hugs* Flea. I wish I had answers to make things better. I really do.

At least your dad is trying to grow up a bit and learn whats going on?  Maybe.

*Hugs* I won't sit there and say "Everything's going to be fine" Cause frankly, when someone does that and  I am in an anxiety thing, I just want to hit them. I think your right to sit this challenge out. Do what you can, and vent when you need to. WE are here.

 

[fleaball]

17 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

*Hugs* Flea. I wish I had answers to make things better. I really do.

At least your dad is trying to grow up a bit and learn whats going on?  Maybe.

*Hugs* I won't sit there and say "Everything's going to be fine" Cause frankly, when someone does that and  I am in an anxiety thing, I just want to hit them. I think your right to sit this challenge out. Do what you can, and vent when you need to. WE are here.

 

So I hear what you're saying but I think it's less about growing up and more about throwing a tantrum and not wanting to work anymore and knowing he has to have certain information first. So not like "I'm going to be an adult who is aware of my finances" but just "ugh I need these numbers to give to someone for something so I can give everyone the finger here." It's possible I'm just being a bitch and doubting his motives, but from context and history I kinda have to. 

 

Thanks. *hugs* It's funny because it's not like I actually have a lot going on right now. But at the same time there's just too much happening. 

 

12 hours ago, RES said:

I was going to suggest starting with something you know you need to focus on and find solutions you can reasonably do with the state of your life right now...but I see you're doing that so good job!!

Yeah my hangup was mostly my thing about rules and the way things "should" be. Like, how could I work on sleep if I'm not going to be home at the same time every night? Have to get over that shit though.

 

5 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

I was all prepared to like this post but breaking nails sucks. I hope it wasn't too terrible a break. 

Caught it on the car door handle and bent it back before it broke. Hurt like a bitch.

[fleaball]

My father is a child with anger management issues. Jesus Christ. 

[RES]

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

Yeah my hangup was mostly my thing about rules and the way things "should" be. Like, how could I work on sleep if I'm not going to be home at the same time every night? Have to get over that shit though.

 

Well in a perfect world you'd have a good job in your chosen field and would be able to go to bed at 10pm every night...since this is nothing like a perfect world then you settle for, this is when I'm home, I'll go to bed by this time and 8 hours from that is X and set the alarm for X. You make your goal fit your situation and don't set yourself up for failure...a fact I'm still learning....

[Bean Sidhe]

11 hours ago, fleaball said:

So I hear what you're saying but I think it's less about growing up and more about throwing a tantrum and not wanting to work anymore and knowing he has to have certain information first. So not like "I'm going to be an adult who is aware of my finances" but just "ugh I need these numbers to give to someone for something so I can give everyone the finger here." It's possible I'm just being a bitch and doubting his motives, but from context and history I kinda have to. 

 

Your probably right, but I was trying to be positive. Its easier to stand outside and say "Look, it might get better" than being inside, Trust me, I know. Hopefully its the kick he really needs to start growing up.

 

11 hours ago, fleaball said:

Thanks. *hugs* It's funny because it's not like I actually have a lot going on right now. But at the same time there's just too much happening. 

 

There are different kinds of busy. Your not "leave house, go places" busy but more "try to keep everyone around me alive most days" busy.  That can be just as hard if not harder than the leave the house to do all the things busy.

 

[fleaball]

I want to go to Starbucks. I need to go to CVS to finally get my medicine. But I can’t get out of bed.