[Sea-to-sky]

maybe you need a little quality recharge time. I know i find when im very tired i get restless in a nonproductive, cannot stick to anything way. I end up flitting from one thing to another and get nothing done. (Endless scrolling is the worst. So tempting, yet so draining)

Be kind to yourself. Autumn is definitely making me go into hibernation mode right now. Everyone here seems to be having the “clear out the cave for winter” instinct. Sometimes the turning seasons throws everything out of whack. 
 

15 hours ago, Sovalis said:

am struggling to keep up with the tracking for my challenge this round in my Bujo. I don’t think I like the design of the tracker as much as my usual chart layout. It was good to try something new, but I think I am going back to what I know I like for next round

Ive had this when trying new layouts. Sometimes they just don't work for my head or when i am low energy. worst case scenario you could always tip in a half page or something 

 

https://www.archerandolive.com/en-gb/blogs/news/tip-ins-101-the-what-why-how-of-adding-tip-ins-to-your-journal#:~:text=A tip in is a,or any other flat object.

 

 

[Radost]

Congrats on getting the redress sorted. It helps to know there's something coming, even if it is a ways in the future.

 

I've also had a lot of low phases over the past few years, and it's been hard to find the activity-nutrient that my plant-soul is missing. Or rather, every time I think I've dialled it in, it changes? Anyway, I feel your woe, and I hope you will happen upon something you can get deep enough into to recharge, whether that's just literally resting more (I have a friend who is so much more vibrant since they started napping!) or revisiting a beloved activity you haven't made time for recently.

[Elastigirl]

On 10/4/2024 at 10:16 AM, Sovalis said:

Watched the first three episodes of The Legend of Vox Machina last night and was happy with them. Mildly disappointed that there were ads during the episodes as I pay a subscription fee for Prime, but I guess it can’t be helped? Have my own game prep to do tonight and tomorrow. Thinking of having a fire tonight as some dedicated self-care time. Having to put logs on and poke things up keeps me from scrolling on my phone for long uninterrupted stretches. 

 

In the US at least, you now have to pay an extra fee to be without commercials. Mildly annoying, and also kind of amusing. Amusing because when cable first was a thing, it was fee (vs, free TV) but the thing was they didn't have commercials, and it was fairly cheap. Then the prices rose, And then they added commercials. And then we started the switch to streaming, which was cheaper. And now we have all those separate streams, and they are adding commercials and /or increasing the price. I guess the moral of the story is that producing your own shows is very expensive, and requires more a steady revenue coming in.

 

Good for you for keeping up with the dishes and other stuff even when you don't have all the mojo energy! Sometimes it's just about treading water for a bit. Hoping you have more energy soon. Do you get affected by the weather? I know the shorter days and less sun means less energy for me.

[Salinger]

Hey Sov.

 

Sorry you are feeling low

 

Do you think you need more rest? A new hobby? More social time? Less social time?

 

Maybe writing down thoughts could help discover how you can move through the sadness?

 

Love you lots x

[sarakingdom]

On 10/4/2024 at 1:16 PM, Sovalis said:

This is not the villain energy I want to be bringing to the table!

 

I KNOW. (Though I suppose it's good to think that even villains are human - at least, the ones that are human - and have days when the ambition of their plans and lack of other responsible adults is overwhelming. It can't be easy, having to do everything yourself because your underlings are so incompetent or your plans so objectionable to conventional morality.)

 

Anyway. Yes. I'm also feeling uninspired. And tired of myself. And just... perpetually unsatisfied. This is incorrect, and the universe has made a mistake.

[Heidi]

On 10/5/2024 at 2:51 PM, Elastigirl said:

In the US at least, you now have to pay an extra fee to be without commercials. Mildly annoying,

Agreed about the annoying, but some of the residents in my building like having the "cheaper" option that also has ads, even though I still think it's all a marketing campaign to justify raising prices and creating ads. Here ends the down-with-capitalism rant. Having said all that while shaking my fist at the sky, I do pay for the ad-free level of Amazon Prime.

 

I hope you're feelign a bit more restored, Sov.

I know that after I do a big project, like the house painting one that you just did, I can feel awfully hungover, energetically, and also quite often I can get the Depairs, which seems counterintuitive, but is real anyway.

I hope you find the things that hold and support you, and that you know you are loved, just as you are.

You are enough.

❤️ 

[Salinger]

Hey Sov, how has your week been?

 

Sending so much love. You are wonderful xx

[Sea-to-sky]

happy friday. Hope you have a nice day. 
Wishing you sunny weather and lots of fun walks with sax

[Heidi]

Just dropping in to say hi.

Hope you had a good week.

[Sovalis]

Hi Friends,

 

I am alive!

 

I’ve been focused on getting and keeping things together for the last little while. I think things are turning around now. Dave gets home this evening and I’ve been taking extra of my anti-depressant for about a week now which seems to be making a difference. Sorry I have fallen away so sharply, but I think I’ll be able to get back to normal soon. 

 

Thank you for checking in on me. I appreciate you. ❤️ 

[Mistr]

I'm glad to hear that you are keeping things together and things are looking up. Just normal life can be a lot sometimes.

 

I hope you have a great weekend!

[MaeradCase]

11 hours ago, Sovalis said:

Hi Friends,

 

I am alive!

 

I’ve been focused on getting and keeping things together for the last little while. I think things are turning around now. Dave gets home this evening and I’ve been taking extra of my anti-depressant for about a week now which seems to be making a difference. Sorry I have fallen away so sharply, but I think I’ll be able to get back to normal soon. 

 

Thank you for checking in on me. I appreciate you. ❤️ 

Glad you're doing okay. And from an inconsistent poster to the most consistent, I think you're allowed to put forums on hold when you need to.

[Salinger]

18 hours ago, Sovalis said:

Hi Friends,

 

I am alive!

 

I’ve been focused on getting and keeping things together for the last little while. I think things are turning around now. Dave gets home this evening and I’ve been taking extra of my anti-depressant for about a week now which seems to be making a difference. Sorry I have fallen away so sharply, but I think I’ll be able to get back to normal soon. 

 

Thank you for checking in on me. I appreciate you. ❤️ 

 

Hey Sov!! No need to apologise, just glad you are taking care of yourself. We love you, see you soon ❤️ xx

[Artemis Prime]

Glad to hear things are starting to turn around. Welcome home to Dave!

[Sovalis]

On 10/12/2024 at 8:05 PM, Mistr said:

I'm glad to hear that you are keeping things together and things are looking up. Just normal life can be a lot sometimes.

 

I hope you have a great weekend!

Life has definitely been a lot lately. I am so glad things seem to be easing up now. 

Thank you! It was lovely!

 

On 10/12/2024 at 8:34 PM, MaeradCase said:

Glad you're doing okay. And from an inconsistent poster to the most consistent, I think you're allowed to put forums on hold when you need to.

Thanks, Maerad. I know I generally am quite consistent. And intellectually I know I can take breaks and such. I just have a small fear that I will lose my inertia and then not find it again. 

 

On 10/13/2024 at 3:51 AM, Salinger said:

 

Hey Sov!! No need to apologise, just glad you are taking care of yourself. We love you, see you soon ❤️ xx

Thanks, Sal. ❤️ 

 

On 10/13/2024 at 9:12 AM, Artemis Prime said:

Glad to hear things are starting to turn around. Welcome home to Dave!

Thank you, AP. It is just so very good to have him home again. I can’t even really express it. 

 

 

Hi Friends!

 

I am caught up on the forums again and that feels very good and right. You all were up to some amazing things while I was away! Way to go! It’s kind of like falling into a reunion to come back like this and need to do some catching up, although I think I prefer my daily check ins more. A huge part of my social time is invested in the forums and I miss you all when I am not here. ❤️ 

 

This past weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving and it so happened that Dave got home on Saturday evening. He actually beat me home by a little bit after work on Saturday, but I got to see him for ~15 minutes before he crashed into bed (it was 4 am his time). It was just such a relief to see him, I could feel this energetic tension leaving my body as I adjusted to his solidity in my space again. I don’t think I have ever had that sensation before and we have been doing this multiple times a year for the last four years. I am not sure why this trip was such a challenge mentally and emotionally, but it really was. I am so glad we are done with it for now and have some time together before he has to leave again.

 

I made turkey supper on Sunday for us and The Fam. The turkey was the most beautiful bird I have ever made and the stuffing was absolutely the most excellent stuffing we have ever had. Bookmarking that recipe for sure. It was a lot of work though and I was pretty tired by the end of the day. I also made an angel food cake for Kate’s birthday - it was a boxed one that I iced with a pre-made icing. I felt guilty for not doing it from scratch, but I recognized that as weird food purity = love nonsense from my childhood and gave myself permission to make it easy on myself in light of all of the other cooking and cleaning labour I was doing. The cake tasted fine and she seemed happy with it and that was all that mattered. We hung out on phones for a while after our meal and Dave went to bed. Then Bryon and I started building characters for the Christmas one shot I want to play for my birthday in December. It was a restful evening. 

 

Turkey:

 

Monday was a holiday and I was off work. I got up and decided to paint minis with my coffee instead of doing Bujos as I normally do. I painted an igloo and some stands of candy canes as part of the terrain I want ready for my party. There is a lot to paint to be ready, but I put my headphones on and just went to it and it was very enjoyable. I spent most of the day painting and it was restorative in a way that I hadn’t felt in a while. Part of that very well might have been that Dave was in his office right next to me with the door open and I could perceive him puttering away.

 

Painting pics:

 

 

 

I am adjusting to the increase in noise now that he is back: computer on, printers working, tv on, snoring… it’s all there after two months of consistent quiet bordering on silence. This is always one of the challenges of reintegration. I am managing pretty well, but it is helpful for me to have noise cancelling headphones to dull the morning news roundup and a spare room to sleep in while he gets over this cold and hopefully the snoring reduces. 

 

Yesterday started with the gym, which was good, and then work, which was fine. My feet were bothering me a bit at work which is highly unusual since I got my orthotics, and I hadn’t slept very well the night before so I was tired and a bit fried by the end of the day. I came home and ate leftovers and then laid down on the couch and was a pancake until we decided to go to bed at 9. I am amazed at how little I wanted to do last night. I haven’t had a night like that in a long time. 

 

Today I don’t work until noon, so I did coffee and Bujos and now forums. It’s just after 10 now so I am making good time and might be able to get some chores done before I need to get ready for work. I don’t work tomorrow through Monday and go back to work next Tuesday. I am glad I decided to take some time off now that Dave is home. Not only do I think we would benefit from it, I know I am riding the edge of burnout with how weird I’ve been lately so taking some time away from the constant stimulation of the cafe is probably a good thing. I need to practice some non-attachment to me not being there and things not being done as I would do them - I am the chief closer, but not the only one, and it is not solely my responsibility to make sure things are right and tight. I am allowed some time off. 

 

Houseguest tried to come for this period of reintegration again. I was able to delay their appearance by a few weeks, but they will be coming out in November for two weeks. I am not really thrilled about this (honestly, reminded of Snarky’s Visiting Uncle) but more than anything I am just grateful their appearance is not interfering with reintegration this time the way it did last time. And I am glad they are only coming for two weeks instead of three this time. 

 

I’ve been thinking about Christmas gifts and what I want to do this year. I am hoping to kick my creativity into gear and draw some character portraits for some of my gaming group, and do up a sketch of Roger for Dave. Part of this is the desire to be personal in my gift giving this year, part of it is a desire to not be spending money and feeding the capitalist mechanism if I don’t have to, part of it is a desire to be creative and see where that goes. Lots of desire. Let’s see if that translates to work ethic.  

 

I think I’ll do my challenge wrap up in another post. Forthcoming. 

 

Thank you all so much for being here. I appreciate the love and support and patience. This place is truly something special. ❤️ 

[Sovalis]

Challenge Wrap Up Post:

 

You know, the way I formatted my goals this round really makes it look like more of a success than I feel that it was. ?

 

Goals:

 

1) Strength training x2/week: Successful. I only missed one day out of all of my sessions this challenge and I am okay with that. The sessions are fun and feel like work and I am enjoying the sense of community that I am building there. 

 

2) Cleaning, organizing, decorating the house: This started strong with big projects and has trailed off in terms of big projects since then, but I have been doing really well with keeping the house and especially the kitchen clean (until the Thanksgiving massacre, of course) even when my brain wasn’t doing so well. I have dug out a few more pictures to hang around the place and decorated the mantle with gourds and leaves and candles and have been making a point of lighting them and just soaking in the ambiance lately. I also had way more fires than I have ever had while Dave has been gone this round and I think I will keep that up next time he goes, too. I might want to chop some kindling, though. 

 

3) Focusing on Fibre and Protein: This started out really strong and then Goblin Meals took over in the last two weeks or so. I can recalibrate, so I will. This is probably a forever item.

 

4) Romance: One unexpected side effect of this challenge and posting about it on my wall on Facebook was that a dear friend of mine started sending me links to favourite fan fics every time I went to the gym. So that was cool! I ended up reading a bit more than usual this challenge which was nice, even if it wasn’t expressly romance. I would like to keep digging into my books. I have discovered that I am much more of a binge reader than a read x pages/amount of time every day reader, so I think I might need to start scheduling a binge read every week or two weeks or so and set myself up for those marathons that I find so satisfying. 

 

It turns out that I didn’t like the chart that I designed for this challenge and fell off tracking my goals completely a while ago. I have gone back to what I know I like for next challenge and hopefully it keeps me on track. I still need to select my goals for next challenge, but at least the chart is ready. 

 

I don’t feel like I kept the Villain vibes the way I wanted to, but I was focused on agency and making active efforts in my life through the entire challenge, even if they weren’t huge, world dominating projects like painting my front door. Sometimes you have to take the conquering of the day as much as long for the world domination. And I feel like I did a good job of that, especially as my mental health got a bit tricky to navigate at the end. I am grateful for a good doctor who trusts me to do minor adjustments to my meds on the fly - and corollary to that, grateful that I understand myself and my medications well enough to know what will make a difference when I need something to make that difference. I am grateful that my illness is so well managed (my estranged grandmother called and holy word, that was a whole thing) and that I am presented with examples of why I need to be well managed so that the temptation to stray off meds is never really pronounced. There’s just a lot to be grateful for, really. 

 

A decent challenge, I suppose, despite it taking a sharp left turn near the end.  

[Heidi]

1 hour ago, Sovalis said:

I don’t think I have ever had that sensation before and we have been doing this multiple times a year for the last four years. I am not sure why this trip was such a challenge mentally and emotionally, but it really was. I am so glad we are done with it for now and have some time together before he has to leave again.

Relationships have their own lives and ways of being. Learning to trust a significant other, then coming to have a peron not-you as a significant anchor is something that happens on TV in 30 minutes or less -- you could get a Domino's pizza! -- but in real life it takes (literally) forever. This is the way of it. I'm very glad he's home, and I bet the house is feeling more like a home for you guys as well with all the world-building you have been doing over the last several months. No wonder you're feeling broody and moody.  

 

1 hour ago, Sovalis said:

Houseguest tried to come for this period of reintegration again.

THE SOUND I JUST MADE!

 

49 minutes ago, Sovalis said:

A decent challenge, I suppose, despite it taking a sharp left turn near the end.

I had a similar revelation, and it's one of the things I like so much about logging. I can let "falling off" or Bookworm days cast so huge a shadow that I don't see the everyday-success that gets built in between, or I feel such an energy drop after a Big Project Completion that it feels like ancient history. NOPE, challenge math doesn't lie: you really are awesome.  

I might not say it very often, but I'm inspired by you on a regular basis. I love the Big world-Changing things of course, but the real inspiration is just being connected with you and being allowed to be on this Glorious Journey together with you. You are enough, and I'm blessed to know you.

 

Welcome back, and welcome home Dave, and huzzah for time off together!

I am sending you such big home-again vibes.

Much love.

❤️ 

[Harriet]

It's so awesome that you stuck to the strength training and enjoyed it!

Erm. Is this is same unfavoured guest who was there recently?

[Sea-to-sky]

16 hours ago, Sovalis said:

I painted an igloo and some stands of candy canes as part of the terrain I want ready for my party

Those look so professional ❤️?. 
 

also that is the best advent calendar i have ever seen. So cool .

 

turkey looks amazing. Did not realise canada did thanksgiving. 

 

14 hours ago, Heidi said:

THE SOUND I JUST MADE

Same. Man, that would have been the worst timing. Even for a nice, guest you liked having. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

21 hours ago, Sovalis said:

Houseguest tried to come for this period of reintegration again. I was able to delay their appearance by a few weeks, but they will be coming out in November for two weeks. I am not really thrilled about this (honestly, reminded of Snarky’s Visiting Uncle) but more than anything I am just grateful their appearance is not interfering with reintegration this time the way it did last time. And I am glad they are only coming for two weeks instead of three this time. 

Omg… at least you have some notice this time! I’m glad you and Dave talked about stuff during the last visit,  and hopefully this visit will be less exhausting on all levels.  

[Salinger]

Teeny message to say love you x

[Sovalis]

On 10/16/2024 at 11:32 AM, Heidi said:

Relationships have their own lives and ways of being. Learning to trust a significant other, then coming to have a peron not-you as a significant anchor is something that happens on TV in 30 minutes or less -- you could get a Domino's pizza! -- but in real life it takes (literally) forever. This is the way of it. I'm very glad he's home, and I bet the house is feeling more like a home for you guys as well with all the world-building you have been doing over the last several months. No wonder you're feeling broody and moody.  

Broody and Moody - I absolutely am. Thank you for that. ❤️ 

 

On 10/16/2024 at 11:32 AM, Heidi said:

THE SOUND I JUST MADE!

Believe me, I was making sounds too!

 

On 10/16/2024 at 11:32 AM, Heidi said:

I had a similar revelation, and it's one of the things I like so much about logging. I can let "falling off" or Bookworm days cast so huge a shadow that I don't see the everyday-success that gets built in between, or I feel such an energy drop after a Big Project Completion that it feels like ancient history. NOPE, challenge math doesn't lie: you really are awesome.  

I think that is the primary benefit of checking in here regularly - the logging keeps me honest, but also serves as the archive and I am not always reliable in the memory department, but I am very good at documentation. ?

 

On 10/16/2024 at 11:32 AM, Heidi said:

I might not say it very often, but I'm inspired by you on a regular basis. I love the Big world-Changing things of course, but the real inspiration is just being connected with you and being allowed to be on this Glorious Journey together with you. You are enough, and I'm blessed to know you.

 

Welcome back, and welcome home Dave, and huzzah for time off together!

I am sending you such big home-again vibes.

Much love.

❤️

I don’t know what I have done to welcome such incredible friendship, but same, Friend, same. ❤️ I am so grateful for you and the space you occupy in my life. 

 

On 10/16/2024 at 12:38 PM, Harriet said:

It's so awesome that you stuck to the strength training and enjoyed it!

Erm. Is this is same unfavoured guest who was there recently?

I have absolutely loved it. I felt like I would if I gave myself permission to commit to it. I wish it were powerlifting, but I will take this over doing nothing. 

Yes, it is. *sigh*

 

17 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

Those look so professional ❤️?. 
 

also that is the best advent calendar i have ever seen. So cool .

 

turkey looks amazing. Did not realise canada did thanksgiving. 

 

Same. Man, that would have been the worst timing. Even for a nice, guest you liked having. 

Thank you! Yes, I was excited about the advent calendar. I freaking love advent calendars (probably because I am a December baby, so it was a countdown to my birthday *and* Christmas) so this was a great treat for me. It’s going to be a lot of work to get things painted, but it will be worth it. 

Canada does do Thanksgiving, just much, much earlier than the US. Similar foods on offer though, although sweet potato casserole topped with marshmallows is a distinctly American thing and not really done up here unless it’s by American expats. 

Yeah, I am not a super huge fan of this guest. They always come for far longer than I want them to and make my life awkward. But they are very close to Dave, so I need to deal. Last time they were here was right smack dab in the middle of our reintegration last time and oof, that was rough. 

 

11 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Omg… at least you have some notice this time! I’m glad you and Dave talked about stuff during the last visit,  and hopefully this visit will be less exhausting on all levels.  

Yes. They wanted to arrive for Thanksgiving which would have been this past weekend and I said I wasn’t comfortable with that given that Dave was just getting home, so they delayed until into November. Much better I think. I hope it’s better this time around because last time was a doozy. 

 

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

Teeny message to say love you x

Teeny message to say love you back. ❤️ 

 

 

[Sovalis]

New challenge is up!