[Harriet]

I'm doing tiny walks to gauge my physical status. Slightly better today but still bad. Now that I have a bujo habit, I can also note my crashes in the bujo and have a readily available record of how often and how long they are. This is the first time I've really done anything like this. I used to just wash back and forth with the waves of high and low energy/motivation, and feel frustrated whenever the tide turned for the worse. 

[sarakingdom]

8 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Now that I have a bujo habit, I can also note my crashes in the bujo and have a readily available record of how often and how long they are. This is the first time I've really done anything like this.

 

This is delightfully useful data, and I am pleased for you.

[Laghail]

On 4/3/2024 at 1:55 PM, Mad Hatter said:

I thought Ukraine's Black Sea region is way warmer and Lake Michigan is more like Scandinavia? Europe is way, way warmer than North America given the latitude. 

 

Agree with you on my gut feeling about the two regions, but this very confusing site argues that the two inland sea's generate similar climates. 

[Silmarilliane]

19 hours ago, Harriet said:

Now that I have a bujo habit, I can also note my crashes in the bujo and have a readily available record of how often and how long they are. This is the first time I've really done anything like this. I used to just wash back and forth with the waves of high and low energy/motivation, and feel frustrated whenever the tide turned for the worse. 

 

Super useful - I've been tracking my daily mood out of 10 each day this year and it's super useful to look back on.

[Harriet]

Still alive. Went for two short walks. Did nothing else except paint nails and listen to Mad Hatter recommended Ologies podcast on paleontology. Quite sleepy.

[Sovalis]

How are you finding the podcast? 

 

Glad you are still alive. ❤️ 

[Harriet]

3 hours ago, Sovalis said:

How are you finding the podcast? 

 

Glad you are still alive. ❤️ 

I only listened to one episode, with a dinosaur guy. It was good! 

[Everstorm]

3 hours ago, Harriet said:

Still alive

I'll take it!

 

[Harriet]

Gave Mr Harriet his knit ginger cat for his birthday. He had forgotten requesting it so he was surprised and liked it a lot. We went to a fancy restaurant with my brother and a couple of Mr Harriet's friend for an absolutely delicious lunch. Then I slept. Still pretty physically exhausted and sleepy. Crash not over yet. But I'm testing it with small walks to make sure I don't let it turn into an intertia/depression extended crash.

 

Edit: You probably need to hear that the delicious lunch was profoundly crispy fried chicken thigh on a fluffy savoury waffle with a chilli bacon caramel sauce. Oh, and because I was feeling particularly deliciously dissolute I had a cocktail with gin, chocolate, lemon, chilli. Amazing. 

 

Edit again: I haven't been drinking alcohol at home. I did dry January, and since then my alcoholic drinks have been like one or two occasions per month, when we go out. It's a great improvement and I don't really miss it most of the time.

[Everstorm]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

You probably need to hear that the delicious lunch was profoundly crispy fried chicken thigh on a fluffy savoury waffle with a chilli bacon caramel sauce

Oh my word, I did need to hear that.  That sounds amazing

[Sepherina]

19 hours ago, Harriet said:

Edit: You probably need to hear that the delicious lunch was profoundly crispy fried chicken thigh on a fluffy savoury waffle with a chilli bacon caramel sauce. Oh, and because I was feeling particularly deliciously dissolute I had a cocktail with gin, chocolate, lemon, chilli. Amazing

 OMG. That sounds incredibly good.  I am sucker for fried chicken and waffles. Yes please!

[Sea-to-sky]

21 hours ago, Harriet said:

chilli bacon caramel sauce

Trying to imagine what this tastes like and failing 😆

[Harriet]

2 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

Trying to imagine what this tastes like and failing 😆

 

Mostly like caramel sauce, to be honest.

[Harriet]

Difficult conversation with Mr Harriet last night about whether or not we're going to have children, caused by asking him his plans for the next year. I have a lot of fear and anxiety but I suggested going to a counsellor who helps people talk through these things, and to my surprise he agreed immediately. He started looking for someone. My brother went to one to help clarify his wishes, which is where I got the idea.

Two short walks today. Starting to feel a little... not better, but less worse? Hopefully back to normal soon.

I've been thinking about how my challenges and planning would change if I assume that I am going to hit crashes about half the time. It could be liberating, planning for that. I also heard a useful insight on, of all things, a weight loss podcast. She said we rush toward our goals with urgency when we don't really believe they're going to happen. If the outcome is a dead cert, why would we rush? I feel I do this with painting and lifting. I don't *really* believe I'm going to keep it up for ever, so I rush while I have the short-lived energy and motivation from a non-crash period. What would my planning look like if I knew I were going to do these things (perhaps 50% of the time but otherwise consistently) for the rest of my life? If I knew that, even after a crash, I'd come back to them reliably? 

[Mistr]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Two short walks today. Starting to feel a little... not better, but less worse? Hopefully back to normal soon.

I've been thinking about how my challenges and planning would change if I assume that I am going to hit crashes about half the time. It could be liberating, planning for that. I also heard a useful insight on, of all things, a weight loss podcast. She said we rush toward our goals with urgency when we don't really believe they're going to happen. If the outcome is a dead cert, why would we rush? I feel I do this with painting and lifting. I don't *really* believe I'm going to keep it up for ever, so I rush while I have the short-lived energy and motivation from a non-crash period. What would my planning look like if I knew I were going to do these things (perhaps 50% of the time but otherwise consistently) for the rest of my life? If I knew that, even after a crash, I'd come back to them reliably? 

 

Good to hear you are feeling a little better.

 

I think planning for cyclical energy makes sense. I feel like this happens with most activities. Some of it is seasonal, such as less walking/hiking in the winter. Other things are just for variety. After finishing a big knitting project, I am likely to want to do embroidery or a different type of craft project for a while. GMB talks about "periodization" in workouts. They say that no one has time to work on everything, so it makes sense to pick one goal for a few months. When you have made decent progress, move those exercises to the background and shift to your next goal. By working in rotation you can make progress and not get bored or burned out.

 

Your situation is more extreme, but not different in kind than what everyone faces from the vagaries of life.

[Everstorm]

6 hours ago, Harriet said:

I've been thinking about how my challenges and planning would change if I assume that I am going to hit crashes about half the time. It could be liberating, planning for that. I also heard a useful insight on, of all things, a weight loss podcast. She said we rush toward our goals with urgency when we don't really believe they're going to happen. If the outcome is a dead cert, why would we rush? I feel I do this with painting and lifting. I don't *really* believe I'm going to keep it up for ever, so I rush while I have the short-lived energy and motivation from a non-crash period. What would my planning look like if I knew I were going to do these things (perhaps 50% of the time but otherwise consistently) for the rest of my life? If I knew that, even after a crash, I'd come back to them reliably? 

Wow, that's an interesting insight.

[Laghail]

7 hours ago, Harriet said:

Difficult conversation with Mr Harriet last night about whether or not we're going to have children, caused by asking him his plans for the next year. I have a lot of fear and anxiety but I suggested going to a counsellor who helps people talk through these things, and to my surprise he agreed immediately. He started looking for someone. My brother went to one to help clarify his wishes, which is where I got the idea.

 

Kids discussions can be so tough. Brave of you two to engage and then enlist a counselor to facilitate the work.

 

7 hours ago, Harriet said:

I've been thinking about how my challenges and planning would change if I assume that I am going to hit crashes about half the time. It could be liberating, planning for that. I also heard a useful insight on, of all things, a weight loss podcast. She said we rush toward our goals with urgency when we don't really believe they're going to happen. If the outcome is a dead cert, why would we rush? I feel I do this with painting and lifting. I don't *really* believe I'm going to keep it up for ever, so I rush while I have the short-lived energy and motivation from a non-crash period. What would my planning look like if I knew I were going to do these things (perhaps 50% of the time but otherwise consistently) for the rest of my life? If I knew that, even after a crash, I'd come back to them reliably? 

 

Mood. That's how we handle ADHD hyper-fixations as adults. We've been on the rollercoaster enough times to know that the infatuation phase wears off and then we'll likely have yet another abandoned hobby in our graveyard of things that didn't end up describing us. Maybe if we vibe extra hard on the current fixation, our attention span won't be the same cyclical disappointment that it's been all our life??

[Sea-to-sky]

17 hours ago, Harriet said:

I've been thinking about how my challenges and planning would change if I assume that I am going to hit crashes about half the time. It could be liberating, planning for that. I also heard a useful insight on, of all things, a weight loss podcast. She said we rush toward our goals with urgency when we don't really believe they're going to happen. If the outcome is a dead cert, why would we rush? I feel I do this with painting and lifting. I don't *really* believe I'm going to keep it up for ever, so I rush while I have the short-lived energy and motivation from a non-crash period. What would my planning look like if I knew I were going to do these things (perhaps 50% of the time but otherwise consistently) for the rest of my life? If I knew that, even after a crash, I'd come back to them reliably? 

I always try to allow extra time for being ill and crashes. Makes sense. Does require knowing how often (vaguely) you get them. I find mine tend to be partially seasonal (eg. Worse in winter/flu season. Better in summer).

personal rule of thumb is to add quarter extra time to things. Works well for outings too as it give you time to rest if needed. 

[Silmarilliane]

22 hours ago, Harriet said:

to my surprise he agreed immediately

 

Always nice when someone surprises you in a good way 🙌

 

14 hours ago, Laghail said:

another abandoned hobby in our graveyard of things that didn't end up describing us

 

Well I feel seen 👀

[Laghail]

1 hour ago, Silmarilliane said:

Well I feel seen 👀

 

Solidarity

[Harriet]

22 hours ago, Mistr said:

Good to hear you are feeling a little better.

 

I think planning for cyclical energy makes sense. I feel like this happens with most activities. Some of it is seasonal, such as less walking/hiking in the winter. Other things are just for variety. After finishing a big knitting project, I am likely to want to do embroidery or a different type of craft project for a while. GMB talks about "periodization" in workouts. They say that no one has time to work on everything, so it makes sense to pick one goal for a few months. When you have made decent progress, move those exercises to the background and shift to your next goal. By working in rotation you can make progress and not get bored or burned out.

 

Your situation is more extreme, but not different in kind than what everyone faces from the vagaries of life.

 

Thanks. Yeah, periodisation is important to sports training, and maybe other activities, too. But it's not that I get bored or burned out, it's that I have crashes. I would love to be able to do something for a few months without interruption. 

 

16 hours ago, Laghail said:

Kids discussions can be so tough. Brave of you two to engage and then enlist a counselor to facilitate the work.

 

Thanks. Yeah talking about it makes me so anxious I want to puke but hey.

 

16 hours ago, Laghail said:

Maybe if we vibe extra hard on the current fixation, our attention span won't be the same cyclical disappointment that it's been all our life??

 

Ouch, I know you weren't aiming at me but you hit me anyway 😅

 

6 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

I always try to allow extra time for being ill and crashes. Makes sense. Does require knowing how often (vaguely) you get them. I find mine tend to be partially seasonal (eg. Worse in winter/flu season. Better in summer).

personal rule of thumb is to add quarter extra time to things. Works well for outings too as it give you time to rest if needed. 

 

I'm tracking for the first time, now that I have the bujo. Should be useful. Crash time this year so far 42 days in two blocks. Non-crash time 56 days so far, also in two blocks. 

[Sea-to-sky]

30 minutes ago, Harriet said:

I'm tracking for the first time, now that I have the bujo. Should be useful. Crash time this year so far 42 days in two blocks. Non-crash time 56 days so far, also in two blocks. 

Hmm, this is a good plan. Might have to try doing it myself. 

[Mad Hatter]

On 4/8/2024 at 5:32 PM, Harriet said:

She said we rush toward our goals with urgency when we don't really believe they're going to happen. If the outcome is a dead cert, why would we rush?

Interesting idea, need to mull over that one!

 

On 4/9/2024 at 1:11 AM, Laghail said:

Mood. That's how we handle ADHD hyper-fixations as adults. We've been on the rollercoaster enough times to know that the infatuation phase wears off and then we'll likely have yet another abandoned hobby in our graveyard of things that didn't end up describing us. Maybe if we vibe extra hard on the current fixation, our attention span won't be the same cyclical disappointment that it's been all our life??

The graveyard has been a huge pain point of mine throughout my life (yay for parents who called me a quitter like a slur). But one thing that's helped me is accepting that some hobbies are simply not for me but it's still cool that I tried them. Many people don't let themselves try new things because of silly reasons like fear, "I'm too old", "I'm too fat" and that's kinda sad. And having tried many things lets me see interesting connections between seemingly unrelated hobbies! But I also realized that there are some hobbies that I keep coming back to every few months/years, so I try to worry less about quitting yet another thing, and see it more as taking a break to allow more variety and fun.

[Laghail]

23 hours ago, Harriet said:

Ouch, I know you weren't aiming at me but you hit me anyway 😅

 

Ack, sorry, just old man ADHD bitterness/frustration with myself. Self-love is cool and all, but have you tried self-hatred over how our hard-wired inability to regulate attention/focus isn't as exploitable as our capitalist systems demand?? 

 

 

6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

The graveyard has been a huge pain point of mine throughout my life (yay for parents who called me a quitter like a slur). But one thing that's helped me is accepting that some hobbies are simply not for me but it's still cool that I tried them. Many people don't let themselves try new things because of silly reasons like fear, "I'm too old", "I'm too fat" and that's kinda sad. And having tried many things lets me see interesting connections between seemingly unrelated hobbies! But I also realized that there are some hobbies that I keep coming back to every few months/years, so I try to worry less about quitting yet another thing, and see it more as taking a break to allow more variety and fun.

 

Beautiful perspective! Remember @Volki? Blast from the past, but dude had a great metaphor where he described ADHD hyperfocus as a circling vulture that passes over hobbies/special-interests as time passes, but is moving in a larger circle that tends to come back to some topics in a tightening focus over the months and years. Sorta while our neuro-typical siblings have falcon-like special interests that dive in a straight line of regulated focus, our neuro-diverse vulture wants to focus in slowly tightening spirals that land after gathering immense amounts of general context. In his model, our neuro-diverse focusing style is maladapted to the demands of a "people as fungible commodities" economy, but we're supposed to train ourselves to flip the bird, vulture-style, at our falcon siblings when they claim that their linear dive is the only style of landing.

The Falcon-focus does very well in Taylorism/Fordism work environments (bitter explanatory comics spoiler'd below), while the slow deductive vulture neurology can be suited to generalist approaches outside the factory model, but my shrink and I wonder if increased modern rates of ADHD diagnosis are coming from not only more accurate understanding/detection of ADHD, but also us humans developing attention-deficit as a survival strategy in cultures that demand inhuman levels of attention and focus 24 hours a day. I'm officially in tinfoil hat rant territory now, but even gas pumps and some toilet cubicles in the US now demand our attention with loud advertisements that yell information at us, even while we're pumping gas or having a bowel movement. 

 

Spoiler

 

 

[Harriet]

6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Interesting idea, need to mull over that one!

 

The graveyard has been a huge pain point of mine throughout my life (yay for parents who called me a quitter like a slur). But one thing that's helped me is accepting that some hobbies are simply not for me but it's still cool that I tried them. Many people don't let themselves try new things because of silly reasons like fear, "I'm too old", "I'm too fat" and that's kinda sad. And having tried many things lets me see interesting connections between seemingly unrelated hobbies! But I also realized that there are some hobbies that I keep coming back to every few months/years, so I try to worry less about quitting yet another thing, and see it more as taking a break to allow more variety and fun.

 

Yeah, I also tried a bunch of things. My brother is particularly bad at that. A few years back I decided to cull a couple of interests that I thought probably wouldn't work out, so I could channel into things that were more likely.

 

1 hour ago, Laghail said:

 

Ack, sorry, just old man ADHD bitterness/frustration with myself. Self-love is cool and all, but have you tried self-hatred over how our hard-wired inability to regulate attention/focus isn't as exploitable as our capitalist systems demand??

 

I don't have ADHD, but I try self hatred quite often. I'll just take another sip from that well... hmmm... still bitter. Should I try something else? Nah. 

 

1 hour ago, Laghail said:

our neuro-typical siblings have falcon-like special interests that dive in a straight line of regulated focus

 

Do you really think most people without ADHD are like that? Some might be, but many are not. We probably don't hear as much about them.