Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

There is a Sprint in New York in March that Spartan just sent an email about. It sounds terrifying. I am at my internship and literally said "oh FUCK" when I read it. Because I kinda want to do it. 

 

And it's on the same day as the half marathon I was thinking about. @god why?

[Severine]

5 hours ago, fleaball said:

I got less than 4 hours of sleep. For no valid reason. Please kill me. 

 

Noooo that sounds terrible. At least it's Friday? Although given your insane schedule that might not mean much.

 

Have a sleepy cat:

 

 

 

 

 

[RES]

1 hour ago, Severine said:

 

Have a sleepy cat:

 

 

 

 

 

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...so freakin cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

[NeverThatBored]

3 hours ago, fleaball said:

There is a Sprint in New York in March that Spartan just sent an email about. It sounds terrifying. I am at my internship and literally said "oh FUCK" when I read it. Because I kinda want to do it. 

 

And it's on the same day as the half marathon I was thinking about. @god why?

 

You are clearly fated to do something awesome and athletic on that day. Don't fight it. The universe is speaking to you.

[Tamesis]

You got this! Gotta do ALL the things!

[Jarric]

19 hours ago, fleaball said:

There is a Sprint in New York in March that Spartan just sent an email about. It sounds terrifying. I am at my internship and literally said "oh FUCK" when I read it. Because I kinda want to do it. 

 

And it's on the same day as the half marathon I was thinking about. @god why?

 

So you're gonna do both then, yeah?

[Bookish Badger]

10 hours ago, Jarric said:

So you're gonna do both then, yeah?

 

Ranger-brain powers, ACTIVATE!

 

 

[fleaball]

There was going to be a post here, but I lack the energy right now. Pretty sure it's just a combination of bleeding/lack of sleep/wayyy more interaction with people this week than I have had in a long time. Gonna go make some tea and read a book. And also pray my roommate doesn't come home with her bf because I really don't want to put on a bra.

[Tamesis]

Psh bra's are overrated. lol I hope you have a relaxing evening.

[Dagger]

9 hours ago, Neeko said:

Psh bra's are overrated.

Totally agree. Unless I'm specifically going out to see people, I wear no bra.

[fleaball]

15 hours ago, Neeko said:

Psh bra's are overrated. lol I hope you have a relaxing evening.

 

6 hours ago, Dagger said:

Totally agree. Unless I'm specifically going out to see people, I wear no bra.

lol I typically never wear a bra at home either, But last night I was wearing an old threadbare tanktop that was practically see-through and kinda needed a bra unless I wanted to show off.  

 

I have so many things to do and I don't want to do any of them. Ugh, homework why do you exist? Also shopping. And cooking. Bleh. 

[Dagger]

14 minutes ago, fleaball said:

But last night I was wearing an old threadbare tanktop that was practically see-through and kinda needed a bra unless I wanted to show off.  

In that case I would change top: easier. XD

[fleaball]

30 minutes ago, Dagger said:

In that case I would change top: easier. XD

Bra was on the couch next to me, other clothes were upstairs. I am that lazy. 

 

Sort of related to lack of bras: I guess I'm going to VA Pride on Saturday. Too bad I just threw out my glitter eyeshadow. 

[Dagger]

45 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Bra was on the couch next to me, other clothes were upstairs. I am that lazy. 

Well, in that situation... I might have done the same. Lol.

 

Matter of laziness vs comfort, which wins in any given moment.

[fleaball]

Today is turning out to be a waaaaste. I cannot focus for shit. I did go grocery shopping but wound up not getting much because the produce was even worse than usual at that store. If I have time tonight I might cook up something for lunches this week but it's not quite a priority yet. Tomorrow I'll be lurking and taking photos (?!) during a luncheon meeting with a foreign minister so I have no idea what my own lunchtime will wind up being, and I have class at night but don't want to deal with bringing something and worrying about it going bad. So meh. 

 

I also need to do homework for tomorrow's class, start researching for a project for my other class, read a book I was given last week to read for the internship, and then at some point I need to get caught up and get ahead on everything else since going to VA Pride is going to take up a lot of time this weekend. (Driving between DC and Richmond is 2 hours and 2 minutes without traffic, according to Google. But there's actually some kind of hole in the space-time continuum along I-95 because it takes years to get there, for real. So Friday will mean coming home, changing real quick, and spending at least 3 hours driving down so I'll get there at like 9:30? At best? And then Pride all day Saturday. Then driving home Sunday will be miserable as well and leave very little time for homework and such. But I'm excited about it so whatever.)

 

Meh. Okay. Off to do things. Maybe.

[fleaball]

I have done barely any work since that last post. Fuck. Me. 

 

Worse? I might not get to go to pride after all. There's a conference on campus next weekend that's mentioned in the syllabus for tomorrow night's class. I emailed her last week to ask about it because it doesn't explicitly say we have to go, and also the website last week said registration was closed, but she said we'd talk about it in class and I just realized we never did. And I totally forgot about it. I'm going to be so pissed. And I'm honestly thisclose to emailing her like "hey are we supposed to go or not because I'm trying to make plans to go to Pride please let me go be queer!"

[Severine]

I hope you don't have to go to the conference. It'd be really scuzzy if she tried to make you go after failing to mention it in class and never saying it's mandatory in the syllabus or other materials. Plus you emailed her to ask, and she didn't give you a straight answer, so that's on her. Any place where I've been a student or teacher, instructors are expected to clearly lay out all requirements in advance. 

 

Hope you did some work. Procrastination is such a pain in the ass.

 

 

[fleaball]

To be fair, I am second guessing a lot of things since I missed the first session of this class and feel like I am super behind. Despite other students telling me I'm totally not. Oh well. 

 

BUT. I can haz Pride! The conference is, in fact, not mandatory. I have to be back Sunday evening to work on a project with someone but whatever, I'll live. I get to go with Super Duper Gay Friend, Ace Friend who makes terrible puns about everyone's sexuality, and Bi Friend with Zero Filter. Gonna be a great day. 

 

I have Thoughts. About Things. But I am exhausted and words are hard right now. And fucking uber pool keeps adding people to this ride and I just want to go home man. 

[Lara]

3 hours ago, fleaball said:

BUT. I can haz Pride! The conference is, in fact, not mandatory

Cool!

[fleaball]

You know you're off to a great start when your roommate who gives zero fucks about being late to work is headed out the door and asks, "uhh, are you coming to work today?" 

 

(I am at work now. I took an uber rather than the bus because I could not be bothered. Thank god it's probably gonna be a slow day today.)

[fleaball]

If this is super disjointed (or riddled with typos) it's bc I'm killing time waiting for the bus and we all know how much I loathe mobile. (Actually I started writing it two hours ago and then my battery died halfway through so it may be extra disjointed.)

 

SO. I'm not doing a challenge this round. I'm still trying to find a schedule that works for sleep/school/interning/etc., and I'd rather work exercise into it organically than trying to force it in and feel guilty for not doing it at an appointed time. And I don't know what other goals I'd want to make at this point. So oh well. 

 

Man, the existence of mosquitos is not helping post-bed bug anxiety. Also I have two weird bites on my thighs (there is a joke here) that I honestly don't thing are bed bug-related but that doesn't mean I'm not paranoid. Will be thoroughly checking my bed when I get home just because. (ETA: no sign of bed bugs but there IS a goddamn mosquito flying around inside ugh)

 

So in my class last night (which I am not nearly social justice-y enough for holy shit) we had to go around the circle and say "what makes our peace." And weirdly enough the first thing that popped into my head was running. And I realized that for as little as I actually did it, I do miss it. And I think I've been sort of subconsciously looking forward to getting up and running before work again? Not so much the hour I'd have to get up by, but the structure of the schedule and the feeling of accomplishment that goes with it. But I'm also subconsciously terrified that I'll royally fuck up an ankle in the process and keep telling myself I'm not ready. Le sigh. 

 

I have told myself I'm going to start walking a bit at lunch every day. An hour break is a long time and even if I start bringing my lunch I don't want to sit inside the whole time. So that will become a thing. If interns had access to the gym I would possibly be that asshole who goes running at lunch but alas, it's not an option. And no one would like me if I went running and didn't shower. 

 

I am already lamenting the fact that I can't catch up on sleep this weekend but I am stoked for pride. 

 

New sources of academic stress: 1- I'm wondering if what I think I want to do is less an actual career goal and more an idea I latched onto because it sounded good in an application essay and I just kept running with it. And it's sort of compounded by the fact that queer things keep creeping in on my papers; that's not a bad thing in and of itself, but it was never a topic on my radar before so I'm struggling to figure out how to fit it into my plans. (Both the career and academic advising offices on campus are useless so talking to someone about it is out. I just need a day or weekend or something to poke around the internet I guess.)

 

2- I have 3 classes left for the spring, one of which is supposed to be the capstone thing. Most people choose to do what is essentially a group consulting project for a client the prof sets up. The problem is none of them look particularly appealing to me. The other option is a "substantial research project," which is a 50-page paper which honestly doesn't sound terrible except I have no idea what I'd write it on or which prof I'd ask to supervise. (The scary one whom I loved last semester is going on sabbatical in the spring.) So there's that. And ofc I feel like I don't have time for immediate concerns right now, forget planning for the spring semester. So yay. 

 

Now that my therapist pointed out that I seem calmer lately, I've sort of noticed it the last few days. I still feel stressed because there's a lot of shit going on but it feels so much more like just "ugh why" instead of impending doom. Cue cursing the world for my not being interested in BC before and my PCP advising against it anyway. (I'm not really dwelling on it but there are def moments of "holy shit why didn't I do this before?!")

 

Today in "flea is an asshole:" mentioned to a grad school friend that I'm going to pride this weekend. Her response was "holy shit I wanna go D:" And I've just been ignoring it for like two days because I am an adult. I'm assuming the sad face is because she can't since her work schedule is super shitty. BUT I don't want to say anything to encourage it because: I'm going with all friends from undergrad and crashing at someone's house both nights; this is the girl who always pisses me off when we hang out because everything is about her; her anxiety is worse than mine and she haaaates crowds and I don't want to feel like I have to babysit her (when we went to that club in February she sort of just hid in a corner and I somehow became the one who had to keep checking on her); and she's all about radical queer politics and half the time I try to talk about stuff the goes off about The Discourse or whatever and I just don't want to deal with that when I'm trying to have fun with people I rarely see. I probably didn't need to write all this out but I feel like I have to justify it to someone because I feel bad about ignoring her despite the fact that I want to be selfish and enjoy myself here. 

 

Also unpleasant discovery: apparently I need food to function. Go figure. I haven't found a balance of what to eat for breakfast/what to bring to work and basically have just not eaten enough on any given day. Surprise, I get shaky and have trouble focusing and then feel nauseous when I do eat.  I swear it's not on purpose, I just somehow don't expect to be as hungry as I wind up getting at a desk job?  Meh. I'll figure it out at some point. 

[fleaball]

I had to research a bunch of shit on Iran today and oops, something happened and IT had to come take my computer. Womp. 

[Owlet]

12 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I had to research a bunch of shit on Iran today and oops, something happened and IT had to come take my computer. Womp. 

Dun dun dun.... Lol. No but seriously, that is super annoying and I hope you got your computer back quickly! What were they up to? 

 

Glad you're feeling a bit calmer even with all the pressure, what a relief! Awesome you can go to Pride too  don't stress about not wanting te other girl there, you don't owe her anything. Have fun!

[fleaball]

4 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Dun dun dun.... Lol. No but seriously, that is super annoying and I hope you got your computer back quickly! What were they up to? 

 

Glad you're feeling a bit calmer even with all the pressure, what a relief! Awesome you can go to Pride too  don't stress about not wanting te other girl there, you don't owe her anything. Have fun!

Idk, they didn't come take it til almost the end of the day. I'm not in tomorrow so I guess I'll find out what it was on Friday. Maybe. I kinda doubt it. but I'll let you know if I get a answer. 

[fleaball]

I'm pretty sure I still need to catch up with and/or find people and I swear I will. At some point. I realized that while I expected to be tired simply by virtue of getting up early and working a long day, I forgot to take into account that I'd be staring at a computer all day as well. I'm gonna have to program reminders in Outlook to get up and walk around at work every so often. Basically I'm at the point now where I don't feel physically exhausted, but my eyes are tired (need to remember to toss eye drops in my bag) and my brain is just done by the time I get home. 

 

On a related note, despite how excited I am for Pride part of me is reluctant to go because I feel like I'm behind on everything. Haven't done the RA stuff (still), have a partner project thing that we're meeting on Sunday for and this girl is driving me crazy emailing me more resources every day and "now I'm researching X so we can add it too." Great, I don't really care if you want to do the whole thing yourself but please don't bitch at me when I haven't done anything because you're so far ahead doing your own thing. Anyway. So that and other stuff and I feel like the drive to/from RVA is going to suck and take so much time, and obviously I'm losing most/all of Saturday so I can't do homework then... Interestingly, I'm not stressed about it so much as I'm just like "ehhhh I could kinda use that time..." but let's be real, I probably wouldn't use that time productively anyway. 

 

I'm rambling. Mostly because I'm tired. But I'm also starving despite eating a shit ton of food today so I guess instead of going to bed now like I wanted I'm going to eat more food. Then go to bed. After staring blankly at more academic articles and trying to figure out what's happening.