Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

Blergh. I am both less dead than expected and slightly more than expected. But it's all good. 

 

So the course wound up being 24 obstacles and 4.75 miles, give or take. And a lot more hiking through the fucking woods than I thought there would be. I'm trying to figure out how many obstacles I did by looking at the map but I forget what half of them were. I think I successfully did 9 (10 if remembering a phrase was an obstacle?), got to the top of the fucker below before wiping out on it grrrrr. So mad. Actually it's funny, I didn't think I'd done much at the end but looking at the list on the map I was pleasantly surprised remembering which ones I'd done. We didn't do burpees for ones we skipped/failed, but I'll make them up in the future when I can actually physically do them. 

 

 

So it's crazy to think that I actually did this thing. It's also crazy that it's finally over as it's been on my calendar since January. The only time I seriously considered stopping was when I landed at the bottom of that wall and wasn't sure if I could walk the rest, because I think we'd only just crossed two miles at that point? It was rough at the beginning because I'm pretty sure I hadn't eaten enough or had enough water before the start, but it got easier as we went along. Which seems counterintuitive but okay. 

 

That said, I'm not sure I want to do another one. It was fun, I'm glad I did it, but I'm not sure it's my kind of thing. I do want to maybe do a Warrior Dash at some point just for the fuzzy hat. I guess right now I'm not jumping to do any others but I'm not ruling them out either. 

 

I also managed to fuck up both my ankles, but surprisingly that's all I did beyond a few bruises and scrapes. Totally calling it a win. And I can walk well enough ibuprofen + ice + rest and I should live. Yay. 

 

Also @NeverThatBored is a goddamn ninja and @Sylvaa is a freaking badass. That is all. 

[NeverThatBored]

3 hours ago, fleaball said:

Also @NeverThatBored is a goddamn ninja

 

 

Also, I don't see the image in the post! 

 

 

[Owlet]

3 hours ago, fleaball said:

I also managed to fuck up both my ankles, but surprisingly that's all I did beyond a few bruises and scrapes. Totally calling it a win. And I can walk well enough ibuprofen + ice + rest and I should live. Yay. 

Definitely a win! Awesome that your shoulder was ok. It is so cool that you guys did this, I know it wasn't an easy road to get there, so it's great you stuck with it  Happy recovering!

[fleaball]

40 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

 

Also, I don't see the image in the post! 

Kitty attack! Boo, I can see the image just fine on both my computer and phone. :\ That's dumb. But it's just a photo of the slippery wall that I stole from Google.

[Lara]

So awesome that you did that race! 10 obstacles out of 24 is pretty good!

Sorry for your ankles, but it seems they heal well from what you say?

[fleaball]

11 hours ago, zenLara said:

So awesome that you did that race! 10 obstacles out of 24 is pretty good!

Sorry for your ankles, but it seems they heal well from what you say?

I went to student health today because I'm paranoid, but yeah. I had to take a few minutes during the race after hurting each one but was able to walk it off. They both hurt yesterday and this morning, but I'm in good shape. Thought I might've sprained the not-previously-sprained one, but the nurse lady said it's in better shape than the other (less swollen and not as loose) so basically just take a week of ice/ibuprofen/no running to let them both heal, do the exericises the ortho guy gave me forever ago, and just roll with it. 

 

Had PT today. It was with someone I hadn't seen before and he was impressed with my range of motion. Cancelled the other appointment I had for this week and I'm just going to ride it out and see how things go. It hasn't really been bugging me even despite the Spartan. (Maybe because I didn't do much upper body stuff?) Plus I have the weird electro machine, which I can also use on my ankles whee. 

 

PS @Sylvaa and @NeverThatBored I have a gnarly bruise on my right arm from my wrist halfway to my elbow. Do you remember me wiping out on something to cause that? Otherwise I'm going to blame the barbed wire crawl. I'm super confused.

[fleaball]

Tonight's edition of "Flea's neighbor is a moron:"

 

 

 

 

The best part is that it took him half an hour to respond after I mentioned the Spartan. I hope he's upset by the fact that my fat ass managed it and he hasn't done it yet. (When I sprained my ankle in March it was conveniently the day before he ran a half marathon. So when he asked how I hurt it he followed with "did you run today? Because I just ran a half marathon and I'm fine, just a little tired.")

[fleaball]

On 8/27/2016 at 6:53 PM, Bookish Badger said:

Yay for surviving and not dying!! Yes, we want photos. ALL THE PHOTOS!!

NTB's album, in case people don't follow her.

[NeverThatBored]

2 hours ago, fleaball said:

PS @Sylvaa and @NeverThatBored I have a gnarly bruise on my right arm from my wrist halfway to my elbow. Do you remember me wiping out on something to cause that? Otherwise I'm going to blame the barbed wire crawl. I'm super confused.

 

Maybe when you fell down the wall you banged your arm too? I have a scraped elbow from the barbed wire obstacle, so I could totally see it being that too. 

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Maybe when you fell down the wall you banged your arm too? I have a scraped elbow from the barbed wire obstacle, so I could totally see it being that too. 

Could be that. I'm willing to blame all my troubles on it anyway lol

[Severine]

Congratulations on the Spartan! In my mind, epic be-sequined disco harmonies rang out across the land as soon as you guys crossed the finish line. And probably also when you got up that giant wall.

 

I was thinking of you all on Sat and sending appropriately laconic vibes. You seem relatively underwhelmed (relative to how chuffed I would be, had I done it) by having finished it (or maybe it's just hard to read tone in your posts?) but I'm impressed enough for both of us. I'm glad you didn't mess up too many body parts too badly. Ankles are shifty devils and like to give out, but they also heal pretty quickly usually so hopefully it won't be any kind of lasting thing. Also that wall is incredibly impressive. And looking at NTB's photos I think what I really want is the ability to try out those obstacles with nobody watching, heh. If there's another mass gathering at one of these things, I will definitely try to come.

 

I have a whole bunch of thoughts from reading your post about the anxiety/dating/life direction stuff but I'm not even sure you're looking for responses, and I don't want to barge in where it's not appropriate. 

 

 

[fleaball]

1 minute ago, Severine said:

Congratulations on the Spartan! In my mind, epic be-sequined disco harmonies rang out across the land as soon as you guys crossed the finish line. And probably also when you got up that giant wall.

 

I was thinking of you all on Sat and sending appropriately laconic vibes. You seem relatively underwhelmed (relative to how chuffed I would be, had I done it) by having finished it (or maybe it's just hard to read tone in your posts?) but I'm impressed enough for both of us. I'm glad you didn't mess up too many body parts too badly. Ankles are shifty devils and like to give out, but they also heal pretty quickly usually so hopefully it won't be any kind of lasting thing. Also that wall is incredibly impressive. And looking at NTB's photos I think what I really want is the ability to try out those obstacles with nobody watching, heh. If there's another mass gathering at one of these things, I will definitely try to come.

 

I have a whole bunch of thoughts from reading your post about the anxiety/dating/life direction stuff but I'm not even sure you're looking for responses, and I don't want to barge in where it's not appropriate. 

Underwhelmed is a good word. Like, I am psyched I/we finished and it was a hell of an experience. It might be the fact that I skipped everything I couldn't do instead of doing burpees, so since I'd built it up in my head that it would be that much harder I feel like it wasn't as difficult --> I didn't do as much --> it wasn't as much of an accomplishment? We could see some of the obstacles as we drove up and I was definitely like "ohhhh shit..." so it's not lilke it wasn't impressive. Idk if any of this makes any sense at all outside of my brain. 

 

You're more than welcome to share! I just didn't/don't want people to feel like they had to just because it was a big mess of thoughts and sometimes you're just like "what the fuck do I say to that?" 

[Lara]

14 hours ago, fleaball said:

Tonight's edition of "Flea's neighbor is a moron:"

 

 

 

 

The best part is that it took him half an hour to respond after I mentioned the Spartan. I hope he's upset by the fact that my fat ass managed it and he hasn't done it yet. (When I sprained my ankle in March it was conveniently the day before he ran a half marathon. So when he asked how I hurt it he followed with "did you run today? Because I just ran a half marathon and I'm fine, just a little tired.")

 

I find it so lovely that you have found such a nice nick for such a nice guy.

What is a sleeper cell? I read cell and wrote cell, but my brain thought you had said spell. Bah.

[Owlet]

20 hours ago, Severine said:

I have a whole bunch of thoughts from reading your post about the anxiety/dating/life direction stuff but I'm not even sure you're looking for responses, and I don't want to barge in where it's not appropriate. 

Oh yeah, me too! I just totally forgot sorry. Maybe later, muhahaha...

[fleaball]

On August 29, 2016 at 9:17 PM, Severine said:

 You seem relatively underwhelmed (relative to how chuffed I would be, had I done it) by having finished it

Thought I just had: I'm pretty sure my brain is ruining the enjoyment of it by looking at it ass-fucking-backwards. 

 

When I registered in January (and a thousand other times since then) I told myself that by the time this race came around I would have lost a shit ton of weight and be able to run the whole thing and completely crush all the obstacles. (Maybe not crush. But at least attempt most and be able to handle the burpees if I failed.) And that clearly did not come to pass. And while I should be fucking thrilled that I finished it at all, never mind at the highest goddamn weight of my life and despite all of the bullshit injuries I'm collecting like Pokemon, it somehow feels like less of an achievement compared to how I wanted it to go. 

 

It's dumb. I hiked almost 5 miles in the fucking woods and did 10 of the obstacles. (And I'm reasonably sure I could've done the cliff climb if it hadn't been immediately after the wall I wiped out on, and the staircase if I hadn't twisted my good ankle not long before it. So I probably could have gotten half the obstacles.) 

 

Well. I'm glad I realized that so I can at least put words to why I'm so underwhelmed. But I'm also frustrated as fuck with my apparent inability to be proud of myself. Ugh and now I'm tearing up. I'll be in the corner if anyone needs me. 

[Owlet]

34 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Well. I'm glad I realized that so I can at least put words to why I'm so underwhelmed. But I'm also frustrated as fuck with my apparent inability to be proud of myself. Ugh and now I'm tearing up. I'll be in the corner if anyone needs me. 

Hugs! That is really frustrating, I wish I could shake some pride into you heh. I get it though, you had certain expectations of yourself and it didn't quite work out how you wanted. Reminds me of the art show I was in earlier this year - everyone kept saying I should be proud for showing stuff but I was just bummed I didn't sell lots. In hind sight I can understand why and it does bum me out so much, but I'm still underwhelmed by the experience. That doesn't mean we can't do these things again and be more awesome and proud of ourselves! First time is bound to be different to how you expect, second time around though should be way better  Not saying you have to do another one, but just something to bear in mind. 

[Tamesis]

I'm so jelly of you going through a Spartan Race. That is really awesome, regardless of the amount of obstacles you finished! I would need to use my 20sec of courage and then some to even sign up for one, let alone run it. lol You're awesome!

[Lara]

5 hours ago, fleaball said:

I should be fucking thrilled that I finished it at all, never mind at the highest goddamn weight of my life and despite all of the bullshit injuries I'm collecting like Pokemon

 

That's what makes it even a greater achievement! If you had lost some weight and were fit and totally healthy/injury free it wouldn't have been so epic. Well, it would have been epic because you would have crushed the race, but with your current circumstances, accept it, it was a FEAT.

[Owlet]

On 8/27/2016 at 0:26 PM, fleaball said:

Things I am currently anxious about:

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• Spartan:
  • not getting enough sleep tonight 
  • all of the vague possibities for ~something to go wrong~
  • fucking up burpees, weirdly enough, because I've never been able to do pushups or pushup-adjacent things well (I get about halfway down and then freeze like if I go any further I'll never be able to get back up)
  • fucking up my shoulder and/or ankle
  • vague unnamed disasters that will ruin everything
• How to deal with Spartan anxiety:
  • not sleeping well will suck but I'll survive
  • I've got my paperwork printed and will be packing my shit soon; Sylvaa's already done a bunch of these and knows how to navigate the chaos; this is the kind of thing I know won't go away until we're actually at the starting line so I'm just preparing what I can and acknowledging the presence of the anxiety and then moving on
  • I highly doubt everyone is going to have perfect burpee form; I've done some to practice and there's a lot of awkward flopping around but really it's not like people will be judging me on them
    • I will admit I kind of laughed at the waiver where it said something like "I certify that I've properly trained for this" because oops 
  • orthopedist repeatedly told me I'd be okay; I have plenty of ibuprofen and my weird not-sex toy and two ankle braces; don't make stupid decisions
  • this is just anxiety grasping at straws; I will acknowledge it and send it on its way

 

• School/internship stuff:
  • I gained weight instead of losing it over the summer and look terrible and people will judge me
  • I have to go clothes shopping and dress professionally; I hate shopping and I hate fancy clothes and I don't want to spend so much money and buy huge sizes
  • Emailed new research prof about my schedule and haven't heard back
  • Did basically nothing over the summer and people will judge me when I tell them this
  • omg never going to have any time to do anything rawr
  • impostor syndome/gonna fail at everything
  • I should be graduating in May and still have no idea what the hell I'm doing
• How to deal with this shit:
  • people do not spend their free time thinking about you, chill out; maybe buy clothes that fit better
  • hit up thrift stores/Ross next week to see if there's anything decent before going to buy expensive stuff; I can't get out of shopping so try to go in with a plan and just get it done
  • that's on her, not me; it will probably turn out fine but I can't do anything about it til I hear from her anyway
  • I'm sure I care more about this than other people do
  • I've survived shittier/busier/more fragmented schedules; I can plan my time better once I get syllabi next week and will fall into a rhythm soon enough
  • other people have taken these classes and done this internship before and survived; I wouldn't be doing them if people hadn't thought I could in the first place so time to start pretending
  • start thinking about this shit instead of panicking; talk to profs/career center/therapist, be proactive in googling things, stop being an ostrich

• General anxiety stuff:
  • I need to make friends; I need to get out of the house more often; ugh dating; I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life
    • all of this is simple enough to remedy: google stuff to do (meetups/volunteering/etc) and try to work it into my schedule gradually; spend some time thinking about what I want to do and the kind of person I want to be and the kind of people I want to be friends with - I'll get there.

 

Other random thoughts:

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So I've talked about this before and I touched on it with my therapist this week, but I have no idea what kind of goals I need to be setting in order to make myself actually focus on working out and/or eating well. Obviously I have weight to lose but I don't want to aim for a certain number because at the end of the day I don't care what my weight winds up being so long as I am healthy and happy. And I don't have a reference for what weight might give me that because the lowest weight I've achieved is 153 pounds / 69 (heh) kg. That was both the beginning of my junior year of college and freshman year of high school. I was a size 10 and not in any kind of shape. In college I was pleased with myself because I'd lost 25-30 pounds to get there but I still wanted to go lower because there was definitely fat to be shed. I'd lost all that weight by eating 1200-1400 calories for about 10 weeks and not exercising at all, and none of that is something I'd like to repeat. Part of it was also a) I was living in an on-campus apartment with a kitchen, so I had the novelty of essentially living on my own (despite roommates and it being a dorm) and b.) one of my roommates and I went grocery shopping together and cooked together and made healthier choices together, so there was not only accountability but also someone to do it with. I don't have that with my current roommate and wouldn't even if she were home every night because we have wildly different tastes in food. So that's not an experience I can replicate.

 

I lost a decent amount of weight when I was in Jordan, but that was a combination of fresher and healthier food being available and just being too lazy to go out and buy junk food when it was so damn hot. Also no exercising except for a few weekends where they took us on trips (Petra and other ruins). It's funny because I was anxious and kind of unhappy for a lot of it but this picture is from there and I really love it and really want to be that girl again. It was toward the end of the trip, I'd just gotten my hair cut(?!) and dyed and my eyebrows done and was just really happy with how I looked in general. I was probably 160-165 and my stomach was bigger than I wanted it to be, but I definitely remember being happy and feeling invincible when I took this photo. (A billion times to get it right lol) 

 

 

So basically I am stuck. I don't know where to go from here. There are definite reasons to lose weight and be healthier but none of them feel very immediate? And unless I get addicted to OCRs tomorrow there's no great fitness goal to reach. Like, it would be great to do a pull-up, or run a full 5k, or a handstand, but there's no concrete reason that I need to do any of those things. And clearly between the 5k I did two years ago and the Spartan fucking tomorrow, just being registered for something doesn't mean I'm going to train for it the way I should. (In cases like these I just resign myself to the miserable experience basically as a punishment for not following through the way I should have. It's not intentionally a punishment but essentially boils down to "welp, it's your own fault. that's what you get.") The novelty of cooking for myself/attempting vegetarian/vegan food has worn off so even though I clearly need to get my shit together for this semester, it's not something I'm super excited about or motivated to do.

 

I feel like I have all these "reasons" not to do things (ie goal setting) and they're really just excuses. I avoid planning for the future like it's my goddamn superpower. And motivation is not reliable and sometimes you have to suck it up and do the thing anyway, but how do you even start doing something without a good reason?

 

 

 

In tangentially-related news, my therapist asked about dating again. Which is fine because it is a thing I want to do and she keeps bringing it up because when I started seeing her a year ago I mentioned it was a thing I was super anxious about and wanted to work on. I still can't get past "none of these people look interesting to me, why would I ask them to get coffee?" She's suggested just going out with people as practice dates, essentially, and I'm just like, why would I waste my time and theirs? This is all on top of feeling inferior because of my weight and how out of shape I am, and because I haven't had a real job in 2 years, and I have no real goals for my future. (And this is DC and all of those things matter.) I know you can't wait for the perfect time to do anything and definitely not like, "Once I do X people will love me." I guess I'm kind of having a hard time thinking I might have something to offer people? Which intellectually I know is crap because you're not reading this just because you like reading long rants on the interwebs; something's making you stick around. But there's that, and it's complicated by the fact that I've never been on a date (I might have by accident my last semester in college? I didn't think it was but a bunch of my friends were creeping on us so maybe?) and aside from the disaster of that girl kissing me at that bar haven't done anything with anyone, so there's low-key terror that no one will ever want to date me or do anything else because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm 28 (and a half on Sunday) and I don't want to be that girl who's 40 and never dated and ugh. I know there are unrealistic societal expectations going on here but it's so rough because I'm torn between like "fuck yeah I do actually want to date people and try the relationship thing" and "I am inherently unworthy and should just adopt a dozen cats." I'm not sure where I was going with this because I've stopped and started several times while doing laundry, packing for tomorrow, etc. But now it's all out of my brain so at least there's that.

 

Okay speaking of the need for new friends, I texted a friend a tl;dr version of the above dating issues and the response I get is "lol. i'm so tired of mom bitching about cat litter on the floor." ??? Really? Great. Thanks.

 

Hmm, there's a lot here and I'm not sure I have any answers (I'm not even totally sure what I think) In a nutshell: Spartan, done and dusted so no need to comment; internship/school etc, you survived the paper wars so I have no doubt you can do this, even if you get the odd B (you should get amongst the B's lol, A's are holding you back in life); other stuff.. that's where it gets tricky heh. First off, that is a really nice photo. As for "I am inherently unworthy and should just adopt a dozen cats." nope. You're intelligent (with the scholarships and grades to prove it) well-travelled, interesting, pretty, funny, etc, you get the idea... Maybe your friends don't tell you this sort of thing (can't believe your friend's reply was "lol. i'm so tired of mom bitching about cat litter on the floor."?!) but you should know that you're not the complete weirdo you seem to think you are. I mean I get it, I feel like that too, but sometimes you just have to ignore that and take a leap of faith anyway, whether it's reaching out to people to make a new friendship or trying out the dating thing. And I dunno, maybe dating someone would sort of get the ball rolling on other fronts too? It kind of sounds like you are a bit underwhelmed with your life in general right now, although that might just be me reading into it. But if you had something exciting going on you might find it easier to get excited about other things too and find 'reasons' for your goals. 

"I still can't get past 'none of these people look interesting to me, why would I ask them to get coffee?' " yeah I get that. I generally only get interested in people once I know them a bit better. Personality is everything, so it's hard to get excited about looks. At least with something like Tinder you can chat to people and kind of weed out everyone you definitely wouldn't want to date, and go from there. Worked for me, although I very nearly gave up because I got sick of going on hopelessly awkward dates. I dunno, I guess I would say dating doesn't solve everything, by any means, but it is good for a bit of a confidence boost. I only had one boyfriend before my current one, and it was years ago, so I was feeling very much like I'd end up dying alone in a sea of cats. Whereas now I don't feel like such a freak and feel more able to take on other challenges in my life. That said, just do whatever the hell you want lol. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. 

[RES]

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

Well. I'm glad I realized that so I can at least put words to why I'm so underwhelmed. But I'm also frustrated as fuck with my apparent inability to be proud of myself. Ugh and now I'm tearing up. I'll be in the corner if anyone needs me. 

I have not done, nor even signed up for, a Spartan...so you've totally lapped me sitting on the couch over here  

*joins you in the corner...

[Severine]

15 hours ago, fleaball said:

Thought I just had: I'm pretty sure my brain is ruining the enjoyment of it by looking at it ass-fucking-backwards. 

 

When I registered in January (and a thousand other times since then) I told myself that by the time this race came around I would have lost a shit ton of weight and be able to run the whole thing and completely crush all the obstacles. (Maybe not crush. But at least attempt most and be able to handle the burpees if I failed.) And that clearly did not come to pass. And while I should be fucking thrilled that I finished it at all, never mind at the highest goddamn weight of my life and despite all of the bullshit injuries I'm collecting like Pokemon, it somehow feels like less of an achievement compared to how I wanted it to go. 

 

It's dumb. I hiked almost 5 miles in the fucking woods and did 10 of the obstacles. (And I'm reasonably sure I could've done the cliff climb if it hadn't been immediately after the wall I wiped out on, and the staircase if I hadn't twisted my good ankle not long before it. So I probably could have gotten half the obstacles.) 

 

Well. I'm glad I realized that so I can at least put words to why I'm so underwhelmed. But I'm also frustrated as fuck with my apparent inability to be proud of myself. Ugh and now I'm tearing up. I'll be in the corner if anyone needs me. 

 

I think there's value in understanding what's going on, even if what's going isn't something you want to be happening. Can't work on stopping it if you're not even aware it's happening, right?

 

And my brain does this to me all the time. When I was in school I'd get 97% on a test or a paper and in front of everyone else I'd act happy (because I didn't want to be that person who gripes about their 97) but silently I'd be frustrated with myself if I thought some of the marks I lost were based on silly mistakes and not something truly challenging. And it happens in my personal life and at work all the time. No matter what I accomplish, and even when I am able to feel satisfied about what I've accomplished (which is not always, but decently often) there's still the ever-present voice telling me what I missed, what I could have done better, and how much more I am or should be capable of.

 

I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand I do want to be someone who pushes themselves to always be improving. Quest for continual personal exploration and growth and all that. But I don't want to be someone who's incapable of ever being happy in the moment, of ever appreciating what I have. I want to find that magic unicorn balance where I'm loving and understanding of my current flaws, but gently and respectfully working for improvement; where I'm proud of the good work I have done and giving myself credit where it's due and room to celebrate and relax and savour the moment, but also not resting on my laurels or making excuses.

 

I don't know how to find that magic unicorn of mental and emotional balance. I'm still looking. If I find ever it, I'll sit on it and pin it down until all of you can run over and grab on.

[Jarric]

15 hours ago, fleaball said:

I'm also frustrated as fuck with my apparent inability to be proud of myself.

 

It sucks that you don't feel proud of yourself, but I think I speak for everyone here when I say I'm damn proud of you! That was a hard thing to do and you kicked arse!

 

It's a tough thing to do, and I'm certainly no expert at it, but try be happy about the things you did achieve, rather than focusing on the mythical ways in which you could have done more.

[NeverThatBored]

17 minutes ago, Severine said:

I want to find that magic unicorn balance where I'm loving and understanding of my current flaws, but gently and respectfully working for improvement; where I'm proud of the good work I have done and giving myself credit where it's due and room to celebrate and relax and savour the moment, but also not resting on my laurels or making excuses.

 

I think the trick is in how you think of the relationship between "I want to do better" and "I did perfectly well at this thing." You can feel both at the same time! It's totally ok. Just because you know there's room for improvement doesn't mean you have to feel bad about your current performance. 

 

You know you could have done better on a test, and maybe you really really want to do better, but that doesn't mean there was anything wrong with how you performed. You know you could have trained more or done more on the course if you weren't injured, but that doesn't mean that there was anything wrong with your performance either. One thing does not negate the other. 

[Severine]

Don't look now, but @NeverThatBored totally has the unicorn pinned down over there. Everyone jump on!!!

 

In all seriousness, Flea, you kicked ass at the Spartan. You showed up despite injury and setbacks that would have made many people lose their nerve. You walked a sensible line between pushing yourself and being smart about not exacerbating injury. You completed a race that included a significant number of impressive and challenging feats, and you had fun with awesome people. It wasn't exactly how you originally planned it, but it's laudable and impressive and it gives you something to build on if you ever want to do another one. You proved to yourself that you can accomplish goals even when life throws a bunch of wrenches into your plans. You're adaptable and more resilient than you think. And you have turned yourself into a person who can start sentences with, "Back when I ran a Spartan..."

 

 

[fleaball]

Massive hugs for everyone right now. Y'all are the best. At some point in the next day or two I will reply to things, but my brain is currently mush. Tomorrow is hella busy so I make no promises for that either. But whatever. G'night! <3