[Mistr]

Monday evening I went to aikido, then to the grocery store. The list was fairly short, mostly fresh produce. I am still working on integrating the idea that someone in the family will go to the grocery store several times a week. If I forget something or the store is out of it, that is a temporary issue. Remembering that will take some of the pressure off of me trying to find everything in the large, weirdly organized grocery store.

 

I was planning on having to unload and put all the groceries away by myself because it was after 9pm and the young people have been going to bed early. So I was pleasantly surprised when they heard me come in and came out to help without being asked. 💓

 

Tuesday evening was less productive. I came home and relaxed for a bit, then washed dishes. Dishes were not originally on my list for the evening but I could tell they were going to annoy me if I didn't do something about them. Half of the dishes were from me cooking, so it was not all other people's mess. I was right about it making me feel better. After that, I sat zen.

[Mad Hatter]

On 4/17/2024 at 12:46 AM, Mistr said:

Elf said "it's the same brand, can't I just assume these will fit the same as the other color". Sorry kiddo, that is not a good assumption. 

Oh I wish!

 

Nice work on the spring cleaning, even washing the curtains! Impressive. I don't even own curtains lol. (Except for a blackout one)

[Mistr]

I did quite a bit of cleaning this weekend. I did rather less goofing off than I would have liked and did not even start several things on my list. This is triggering the scream-and-run anxiety from when things were much worse.  Really, it will be fine. I just have trouble seeing that right now.

 

Things accomplished:

• Laundry
• Cleaned kitchen sink and stove
• Victory over dishes!
• Cooked split pea soup from the ham stock I made last weekend
• Swept the floors
• Went to aikido on Friday evening and Sunday morning
• Went out with Dumbledore for a good dinner and quiet time at a coffeehouse with live guitar music. We realized after we got home that it was our anniversary (42 years !?!?!?!?!)
• Dojo planning meeting
• Wrote up notes from planning meeting. I am now officially the Secretary. Before I just took notes.
• Took home the doorway curtains from the dojo, washed them, and put them back.
• Brought down the summer clothes bins from the attic.
• Zen

I am not going to list all the other things on my list because it will make me stressed. A couple things that are bugging me:

- I did not finish the library book that is now overdue. Someone else wants it, so I can't renew it. I will just have to check it out again later.

- I did not get out my dresses and see what still fits and would be suitable for the wedding I am going to next weekend.

- I did not buy the gift to take to the wedding next weekend

- I did not get to bed on time any night this weekend, in spite of efforts to do so.

 

I'll see what I can do to handle things today so that I feel more on top of things. I may just buy a packet of pollinator mixed flower seeds and put those in the veggie bed for this summer. Gardening is one of the things not making the cut right now.

 

 

[Sovalis]

You got so much done, wow!! Way to go!

 

Congratulations on 42 years! That is amazing! ❤️ 

 

I hope you find an outfit that fits comfortably and an affordable, appropriate gift with the minimum amount of stress.

[Heidi]

On 4/22/2024 at 1:13 PM, Mistr said:

(42 years !?!?!?!?!)

Pardon me, I'm going to sit in awe of the sheer solidarity that this statement represents.

 

[Heidi]

On 4/22/2024 at 1:13 PM, Mistr said:

I may just buy a packet of pollinator mixed flower seeds and put those in the veggie bed for this summer. Gardening is one of the things not making the cut right now.

#DruidApproved.

[Mistr]

16 minutes ago, Heidi said:

Pardon me, I'm going to sit in awe of the sheer solidarity that this statement represents.

 

No, no, no, solidarity is not a good description. Stubbornness. We both have a firm belief that the other person can live up to their press releases and we are going to make this work, dammit.

 

That said, we have been actively working on building a good relationship for a long time.  Things are now to the point where I worry about something bad happening instead of worrying about how to fix things.

 

---------------------------

Monday worked out better than I expected.

 

I did a familiar core workout. I felt my abs engage and work without protesting.

 

Work continues to have more volume of tasks coming in than I can do. I am trying to do a bit more triage so that the older things do not come around to bite me. Instead of being overwhelmed I am refusing to look at the whole list of things I should be doing. Maybe not the best approach, but it's what I have at the moment.

 

I was looking forward to going to my spinning group to connect with people. That was great. The host gave us a tour of her extensive garden. She keeps bees and chickens too. As we walked over to the hives, one of the group noticed a swarm of bees on a tree. They were just hanging out, coating the trunk of a small tree. Not flying around or doing much. Luckily, the host had an empty hive. She suited up and moved the bees into the hive. Most of us went inside for that part, just to be safe.

 

I brought along a bag of silk roving to give away. I bought it a long time ago. This is the roving that I discovered has noils in it. Great if you want textured yarn. I want smooth yarn, so out it goes. Chris was delighted to see the bag of silk because she wants to do silk dyeing. I told her she could just have it, but she didn't feel right about that. It turned out she just accidentally purchased a wholesale quantity of pearl-infused cellulose fiber. This was the first time I had heard of such a thing. It is white and shiny. I took home a good chunk of it. I'm looking forward to seeing how it spins up and how it blends with alpaca.

 

[Scaly Freak]

On 4/22/2024 at 11:13 AM, Mistr said:

We realized after we got home that it was our anniversary (42 years !?!?!?!?!)

 

That is genuinely impressive. That length of time requires a level of stubbornness, restraint, and sheer endurance that I can only hope to aspire to. 

 

I hope you had more good days than bad and that you have many, many more good days together from here on.

[Mistr]

Progress is happening.

 

Dumbledore purchased the wedding presents. I found a dress that I can wear. I figured out the mistake I made in the accounting software and got my checkbook to balance. I cleaned the kitchen compost bin.

 

I started reading A Monk's Guide to a Clean House and Mind by Shoukei Matsumoto. So far, I am not impressed. I understand how his advice would apply if I was living in a monastic community where the work was shared by a group of people. In theory, I can see how getting up early and having a clean house to start the day would be a fine thing. In real life, chances are good that if the house is clean first thing in the morning, Elf will have made a mess in the kitchen by the time I get home. Yesterday was better than some because Dumbledore put away clean dishes from the dishwasher and loaded the dirty dishes. He also took out the trash. The young people have not been doing their chores. Getting everyone in the community on board with the effort is something that Matsumoto takes for granted.

 

My problem is not that I dislike cleaning. My attitude is just fine. My issue is triaging all the things that need to be done and staying on top of the things that will make the biggest difference. This is why the boxes in the garage have sat there for years. They do not interfere with daily life and it takes a lot of effort to sort and get rid of things. That effort could be spent getting rid of cobwebs or scrubbing the floor, which would cut down on visual clutter in a space I see every day.

 

Elf tried to tell me that they do not want to go to the wedding this weekend because they are still exhausted all the time. I pushed back, saying that all they have to do is be awake for breakfast on Saturday and the main event Saturday afternoon. They do not need to talk to people or get up and dance. They can sleep in the car on the way there and back. They can sleep in the hotel room most of the time we are out of town. This is no more effort than staying in their room at home and napping, with the occasional break for meals. I am going to hold the line on this one. It is my side of the family and I want Elf to be there.  I want Elf to be a real part of our family, even though Dumbledore is close to giving up on that.

 

Cleo is optional, but she is really not safe on her own right now. She is having too much trouble with vertigo. She is being tested for POTS this week.  Cleo is doing a better job than Elf about communicating with us. I am not sure how she is feeling about being a member of the household. She does not have any other options. That has to color her perception quite a bit.

 

I feel like we have taken in two badly traumatized strays. I want them to recover so they can go back to the wild and live on their own as functioning adults. No one knows how long that is going to take. I also feel that it is important for them to exercise agency in dealing with their situation. They are adults, not children. So I am doing what I can to make my daily life sustainable without counting on them for anything. It would help a lot if they talked to Dumbledore more so that he was happy about having them as part of the household.

 

[Heidi]

19 hours ago, Mistr said:

I am refusing to look at the whole list of things I should be doing.

I don't know how to do things, otherwise. I have a weekly and monthly check-in with This Week's List and the Master List, but other than that, I can't hold all the everything in my head while also working on what's right in front of me. I hope you find some clarity, balance, and peace. I think you're doing great.

 

19 hours ago, Mistr said:

pearl-infused cellulose fiber. This was the first time I had heard of such a thing. It is white and shiny. I took home a good chunk of it. I'm looking forward to seeing how it spins up and how it blends with alpaca

WOW! I had never heard of this before either. It sounds like a blend with alpaca will be gorgeous. What weight will it be when spun up? Also, I love this fiber craft. I don't spin, but I swear I could watch someone spin for hours. It's like a hearth fire for my soul.

 

28 minutes ago, Mistr said:

This is why the boxes in the garage have sat there for years. They do not interfere with daily life and it takes a lot of effort to sort and get rid of things. That effort could be spent getting rid of cobwebs or scrubbing the floor, which would cut down on visual clutter in a space I see every day.

I do, and am doing, this too. Right now I have four (five?) bags of ToBeSorted items stacked in front of my bedroom door in the hopes that they will get in the way enough to get sorted. Most stuff needs to get donated. The sad truth is that these moving bags all sat under my bed in the previous apartment for a couple years, and clearly I wasn't using anything in them, so in theory I could just walk them wholesale to a donation spot and be done with it, and never miss what's inside. Having sat for so long, I I have no clue what is in them and I'm intimidated to even open the bag's zipper. 

 

Thank you for your reveiw of  A Monk's Guide to a Clean House and Mind by Shoukei Matsumoto. It was on my TBR list, and the assumptions you point out are disappointing and, in what I've read of many such books, all too common. Concensus is hard work, and it seems to take daily shoring up, which is its own full time job. It's exhausting, and so often it's less work to just be the one to clean up instead of making everyone else fall in line with their chores. I'm cheering you on and commisserating with you in equal measure.

[Mistr]

22 hours ago, Heidi said:

WOW! I had never heard of this before either. It sounds like a blend with alpaca will be gorgeous. What weight will it be when spun up? Also, I love this fiber craft. I don't spin, but I swear I could watch someone spin for hours. It's like a hearth fire for my soul.

 

I am going to try spinning it by itself and in blends. It looks a lot like pearl cotton, so I may try for a finer weight. I want to find out how strong it is when spun. Silk is immensely strong as well as having a lovely sheen. My idea was to add silk to the alpaca yarn to make it stronger while retaining the softness. This gives me something new to play with. 

 

22 hours ago, Heidi said:

I do, and am doing, this too. Right now I have four (five?) bags of ToBeSorted items stacked in front of my bedroom door in the hopes that they will get in the way enough to get sorted. Most stuff needs to get donated. The sad truth is that these moving bags all sat under my bed in the previous apartment for a couple years, and clearly I wasn't using anything in them, so in theory I could just walk them wholesale to a donation spot and be done with it, and never miss what's inside. Having sat for so long, I I have no clue what is in them and I'm intimidated to even open the bag's zipper. 

 

Solidarity. I know that I have not needed the stuff for years. It could be donated, recycled or thrown out. Or it is buried treasure and I will be happy to rediscover it. Some things should go to the historical society. It is just a question of being willing to take the time.

 

22 hours ago, Heidi said:

Thank you for your review of  A Monk's Guide to a Clean House and Mind by Shoukei Matsumoto. It was on my TBR list, and the assumptions you point out are disappointing and, in what I've read of many such books, all too common. 

 

I read a bit more last night and it continued to be disappointing. I already know to wash up the dishes as I am cooking. I do not get extra dishes dirty without a good reason.  In a perfect world I would not leave things to soak in the sink overnight. In my world, I try not to leave them more than 48 hours.

 

It is a short book so I am going to read some more of it. Maybe the later chapters will have useful tips. I will let you know.

 

-------------------

I talked with the young people again last night and they are not coming to the wedding. Elf had to go to urgent care yesterday. Things will probably be fine, but they are not good right now. Cleo is too unsteady to walk not hanging onto something or someone. 

 

It took me about 15 minutes to go from being disappointed to realizing that them staying home will make the trip better for me and Dumbledore. We do not need to get up early on Saturday so that they can have breakfast with my brother who lives on the east coast. He is hosting the groom's party on Friday, so he is thrilled to get more sleep Saturday morning. Dumbledore can do things on his own while I am spending time with my mom. This will make everyone happier. We are going to Ikea on Sunday to look at possible new furniture for the living room. We can take our time and not worry about Elf and Cleo waiting for us in the restaurant. I will have to answer the "where is Elf?" questions, but that is a small price to pay for a much rosier attitude towards the weekend.

 

[Kishi]

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

It took me about 15 minutes to go from being disappointed to realizing that them staying home will make the trip better for me and Dumbledore. We do not need to get up early on Saturday so that they can have breakfast with my brother who lives on the east coast. He is hosting the groom's party on Friday, so he is thrilled to get more sleep Saturday morning. Dumbledore can do things on his own while I am spending time with my mom. This will make everyone happier. We are going to Ikea on Sunday to look at possible new furniture for the living room. We can take our time and not worry about Elf and Cleo waiting for us in the restaurant. I will have to answer the "where is Elf?" questions, but that is a small price to pay for a much rosier attitude towards the weekend.

 

I'm sorry to hear they aren't well.  I'm sure there's a lot of mixed feelings around all this. Still, it does sound like it'll be for the best.

[Mistr]

Weekend report and challenge wrap-up

 

The trip to the Twin Cities for the wedding went according to plan. I think it was for the best that Elf and Cleo did not come along. We did not have to manage the logistics of four people. I got to spend some time with my mom on Friday while Dumbledore went off to a coffee house to do some work. We spent time with my family on Saturday at the wedding. I got to talk to my niece and oldest nephew, who I have not seen in a long time. It was a little odd being at a party with a lot of people but not knowing anyone outside my immediate family. I think Elf and Cleo would have been bored and overwhelmed.

 

Dumbledore and I went to Ikea on Sunday as planned. We have a good idea of what we like and don't like in sofas. I am not thrilled with the options at Ikea. I think we can find something we like just as much from a place closer to home. The issue is taking the time to do the shopping, then renting a truck to move it. Same for a new stove, although I expect the store will do delivery for that.

 

Challenge wrap-up

1. Meditation went well. I missed two days out of the last 6 weeks. I sat for the full 30 minutes 29/42 days. My mind does not feel as focused and clear as I would like in everyday life. Not feeling clear and focused during meditation is normal. I want to be able to make good decisions about how I spend my time in general. I have some thoughts on this for the next challenge.

 

2. Cleaning up my eating. Nope. My diet has been a mix of healthy food and treats. Clearly too many treats, since my weight remains high. Stress eating is still a thing. Dumbledore noted that I brought along a lot of emotional support chocolate on our trip. Truth. I don't feel like I ate too much chocolate. The stop at the bakery on Friday morning may have been a mistake. That was not my idea, but I certainly went along with it.

 

3. Cleaning other things. Some progress. I will keep working on this.

I am happy to report that Elf finally washed the kitchen floor over the weekend. The dishes were all clean when we got home. There is plenty to do, and that will be the case for a long time. I need to continue picking one-time projects and ongoing tasks to take care of.

 

Summary: I feel better mentally and emotionally. This is a good point to add the physical side back in.

 

 

[Mad Hatter]

47 minutes ago, Mistr said:

Summary: I feel better mentally and emotionally. This is a good point to add the physical side back in.

That's great! Small steps forward!

[Kishi]

Hey, glad to hear you found yourself in a better place! That's always the idea with these challenges. Onward and upward!

[Scaly Freak]

8 hours ago, Mistr said:

Summary: I feel better mentally and emotionally.

 

This is great progress, and I am happy for you.