[Heidi]

On 10/2/2024 at 1:26 PM, Mistr said:

Okay, this is me being mean. I would say "oh, that's nice. Have you made a reservation at a kennel for the dog? I'm going to be away this weekend too." Then plan a trip of your own. It does not have to be anything fancy, maybe somewhere in the country where you can get a discount on an off-season room in a B&B or Air B&B. Just to make your point.

Agree 100%.

Also, please understand that by sharing space, you open yoursel up to having to live with any messes she creates, literal and figurative -- imaine if you come home and the dog has wrecked everything. 

On 10/4/2024 at 6:50 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

So yeah, it's not habit, it's comfort. Sounds to me like selfishness and wanting the best of both worlds (and none of the responsibilities). You would indeed do well to keep setting your boundaries. Things are indeed no longer the same and actions do have consequences.

Agreed. Claims of being "fair and resonable" are the same as claims of "not liking change" -- she is very one-sided and opportunistic about what is comforting and helpful for her.

I do think that you are fair and reasonable and loving and compassionate and so so many things, all of which are being used against you right now, and it makes me steamed.

 

I do believe in you.

I'm also very protective of you and need to point out when you're being taken advantage of, especially when it's subtle and incidental like this.

One of my sobriety friends put it this way "He's taking advnatage of your good nature." That's what I see going on here, and I don't love it. 

Looking forawrd to hearing how this all played out.  

[RES]

Didn't mean to fall off the face of the earth like that...available time is short so I won't respond to everyone but know that I do hear and love every one of you! I'll go into more detail later as to what has happened since.

I did end up taking care of the dog, I was not home for the most part all  weekend. Had company that I had met while camping come in to town and spent some time with them.

The mama's evacuated here due to the impending storm, I leave today for Louisiana with one of the groups I ride with...I'll be back Monday and wrap up this challenge then, as well as give more details.

[Heidi]

1 hour ago, RES said:

Didn't mean to fall off the face of the earth like that...available time is short so I won't respond to everyone but know that I do hear and love every one of you! I'll go into more detail later as to what has happened since.

I did end up taking care of the dog, I was not home for the most part all  weekend. Had company that I had met while camping come in to town and spent some time with them.

The mama's evacuated here due to the impending storm, I leave today for Louisiana with one of the groups I ride with...I'll be back Monday and wrap up this challenge then, as well as give more details.

Excellent about being gone most of the weekend -- I hope it had the expected result.

Be safe while traveling, and know that we love you.

Huzzah for company!

Sending solidarity.

❤️ 

[Mistr]

I hope you had a good trip to Louisiana and all your loved ones made it through the storms okay.

[RES]

I'm back from an incredible five days of riding with some awesome women

1432.1 miles total.

Everyone I know came through the storms intact, the mama's are back home safely.

 

So this challenge was a struggle, trips to Cancun and Louisiana meant workouts didn't happen...worth it  

Sleep on the other hand, ugh. Bad thing about it is many times I'm in bed and asleep on time, or don't have to get up at a particular time the next morning, so no alarm, and I wake up and cannot go back to sleep!

Sleep	7	42	16.67%
Exercise	18	30	60.00%
Track	41	42	97.62%

 

 

Last challenge

Sleep	13	42	30.95%
Exercise	34	30	113.33%
Track	35	42	83.33%

 

D told her mom about us and reassured her that it was okay, but things would look different when they visit in the future. We're moving forward with making her move to the other room permanent so she doesn't have to keep moving back and forth when company comes. This means needing additional furniture  I spoke to her the other day about some concerns I had regarding her looking for a new job and was she potentially thinking out of state and if so please let me know. She stated her search hadn't even started yet and she would let me know well in advance if that was the case.

So about my out of town visitor...I have tried every way I know to be kind and inform her I'm not interested in a romantic relationship or commitment, especially right now but likely far into the future as well. She said she understood and if I wanted to use her to get past my feelings for D she was willing...I turned her down, as I am not interested and she is not my type TBH. She bought me a dozen long stem red roses...not her fault that I never told her how much I hate roses. She's constantly checking in and the 'golden retriever' energy are really wearing on my last nerve. She's very sweet and I don't want to hurt her feelings but damn, take a hint please. These actions are not going to have your desired outcome.

So this week is catching up at work, having a recheck on my mammogram which has me a bit worried, and I'm on vacation all next week and going to see my grandbabies for a few days then another ride planned   so more sporadic updates LOL.

 

 

[Artemis Prime]

5 minutes ago, RES said:

She bought me a dozen long stem red roses...not her fault that I never told her how much I hate roses. She's constantly checking in and the 'golden retriever' energy are really wearing on my last nerve. She's very sweet and I don't want to hurt her feelings but damn, take a hint please. These actions are not going to have your desired outcome.

This has all the trappings of sweetness, but actually goes more toward showing how little she knows you and how much she is projecting her own wants onto you. Which doesn't make her horrible, but does mean you absolutely should not feel bad about drawing hard lines if you need to. She is not holding your feelings in the highest regard when she continues to make supposedly sweet gestures that you have tried to rebuff, so you are under no obligation to dance around her feelings in return. Being sweet is not a cheat code for getting around boundaries.

[Heidi]

1 hour ago, RES said:

.I have tried every way I know to be kind and inform her I'm not interested in a romantic relationship or commitment, especially right now but likely far into the future as well. She said she understood and if I wanted to use her to get past my feelings for D she was willing...I turned her down, as I am not interested and she is not my type TBH. She bought me a dozen long stem red roses...not her fault that I never told her how much I hate roses. She's constantly checking in and the 'golden retriever' energy are really wearing on my last nerve. She's very sweet and I don't want to hurt her feelings but damn, take a hint please. These actions are not going to have your desired outcome.

OOOF, this is so annoying!!!!

Sorry you have this going on (unsurprising, because you're awesome, but people need to get some damned manners; frankly this tells me all the reasons why if you were going to date anyone, you would not date her). She thinks she's giving courtship, but she's really just acting thirsty and desperate and ignoring what you say.

1 hour ago, Artemis Prime said:

This has all the trappings of sweetness, but actually goes more toward showing how little she knows you and how much she is projecting her own wants onto you. Which doesn't make her horrible, but does mean you absolutely should not feel bad about drawing hard lines if you need to. She is not holding your feelings in the highest regard when she continues to make supposedly sweet gestures that you have tried to rebuff, so you are under no obligation to dance around her feelings in return. Being sweet is not a cheat code for getting around boundaries.

100%

1 hour ago, RES said:

I'm on vacation all next week and going to see my grandbabies for a few days then another ride planned   so more sporadic updates LOL.

Woo hoo for rides and vacations and visits!

I'm so glad you have all this great autumnal energy.

 

I checked out your wrap-up stats. Nicely done with the tracking!

Also about sleep, I had the same problem! I ended up taking a Magnesium supplement a few hours before bed, and that (along with boosting my morning exercise) really seemed to help me stay asleep once I got to sleep. I have a list of magnesium rich foods somewhere too, and the cool part is that it seems that the magnesium rich foods are also fiber rich foods (avocados, legumes, nuts, seeds, dark leafy greens) and the two together can really help reset your sleep schedule and help smoothen out the rough edges of our nerves overnight. Plants are so great.

 

In any case, great to hear from you.

Keep being awesome!

❤️ 

 

[Sovalis]

Hi RES! Glad you had a safe trip! Keep your boundaries with everyone, they will serve you very, very well. ❤️ I am so proud of you. 

[RES]

13 hours ago, Artemis Prime said:

This has all the trappings of sweetness, but actually goes more toward showing how little she knows you and how much she is projecting her own wants onto you. Which doesn't make her horrible, but does mean you absolutely should not feel bad about drawing hard lines if you need to. She is not holding your feelings in the highest regard when she continues to make supposedly sweet gestures that you have tried to rebuff, so you are under no obligation to dance around her feelings in return. Being sweet is not a cheat code for getting around boundaries.

+

11 hours ago, Heidi said:

OOOF, this is so annoying!!!!

Sorry you have this going on (unsurprising, because you're awesome, but people need to get some damned manners; frankly this tells me all the reasons why if you were going to date anyone, you would not date her). She thinks she's giving courtship, but she's really just acting thirsty and desperate and ignoring what you say.

100%

Woo hoo for rides and vacations and visits!

I'm so glad you have all this great autumnal energy.

 

I checked out your wrap-up stats. Nicely done with the tracking!

Also about sleep, I had the same problem! I ended up taking a Magnesium supplement a few hours before bed, and that (along with boosting my morning exercise) really seemed to help me stay asleep once I got to sleep. I have a list of magnesium rich foods somewhere too, and the cool part is that it seems that the magnesium rich foods are also fiber rich foods (avocados, legumes, nuts, seeds, dark leafy greens) and the two together can really help reset your sleep schedule and help smoothen out the rough edges of our nerves overnight. Plants are so great.

 

In any case, great to hear from you.

Keep being awesome!

❤️

 

Thank you...it's really hard for me to do things like this and it's nice to have some confirmation that I'm not crazy for feeling this way! ❤️ 

 

I have some magnesium cream with vit d and pain relief that I rub on my legs before bed, I can tell a difference in how relaxed I am but I still tend to wake up ? 

 

 

11 hours ago, Sovalis said:

Hi RES! Glad you had a safe trip! Keep your boundaries with everyone, they will serve you very, very well. ❤️ I am so proud of you. 

Thank you, ❤️ 

[Mistr]

I think you did great to get any exercise sessions in at all with the trips and disruptions in your life.

 

Your description of "golden retriever energy" reminds me of when I was meeting people in my 20s. I figured out that "puppy dog" guys were a Bad Bet.

 

Now my criteria are simple - can a person have an intelligent conversation with me about things I'm interested in? If not, we do not have enough in common. They could be a lovely person. That is not enough.

[Sovalis]

6 hours ago, Mistr said:

Now my criteria are simple - can a person have an intelligent conversation with me about things I'm interested in? If not, we do not have enough in common. They could be a lovely person. That is not enough.

It is definitely not enough. And it no longer matters how much someone else is infatuated with me, I am not responsible for their infatuation or returning their attention. That has been an issue a few times. 

[Artemis Prime]

6 hours ago, Mistr said:

Your description of "golden retriever energy" reminds me of when I was meeting people in my 20s. I figured out that "puppy dog" guys were a Bad Bet.

I am currently shopping for a new horse and came across an ad for a 4 year old stallion who "would make an excellent gelding." My immediate thought is I dated some guys that phrase would have applied to.

[RES]

15 hours ago, Mistr said:

I think you did great to get any exercise sessions in at all with the trips and disruptions in your life.

 

Your description of "golden retriever energy" reminds me of when I was meeting people in my 20s. I figured out that "puppy dog" guys were a Bad Bet.

 

Now my criteria are simple - can a person have an intelligent conversation with me about things I'm interested in? If not, we do not have enough in common. They could be a lovely person. That is not enough.

Exactly!! She loves motorcycles, but prefers to ride on the back of one, and that's not gonna happen...other than that the only thing we have in common is we're both gay.

Definitely not enough for what she's wanting.

 

8 hours ago, Sovalis said:

It is definitely not enough. And it no longer matters how much someone else is infatuated with me, I am not responsible for their infatuation or returning their attention. That has been an issue a few times. 

Thank you for this, while I know it I needed to hear it  

 

8 hours ago, Artemis Prime said:

I am currently shopping for a new horse and came across an ad for a 4 year old stallion who "would make an excellent gelding." My immediate thought is I dated some guys that phrase would have applied to.