DarK_RaideR's BattlE_LoG

[DarK_RaideR]

While I have been silent for over a fourthnight, things have been happening and I have not forgotten about this wonderful corner of the internet. I'm not dead or out of the game, though it feels like a proper return to consistent fitnessing and posting would more or less resemble a respawn. For now, let me just try to sum it up.

 

About a month ago, my family notified me on an upcoming job opening in my hometown, a part-time gig as a legal assistant to an educational institution. With work and pay being scarce, I decided to look into it, in hopes of a steady monthly income to at least get me through the month, hopefully help me gradually pay off the accumulated debt of my social security financial obligations as well. I began gathering up papers that back up my CV for submission and arranged to spend this entire week in my hometown in preparation of the process to land this job. In terms of planning ahead, this has been the easy part. I am no stranger to job hopping and moving around, I'd be returning to a place I know and have connections around, I'd have a place to live, a job to do and an income to rely on. The hard part was everything surrounding the situation per se, namely my parents' well-documented situation and how this change would affect my relationship.

 

Upon a more thorough investigation, I learned the job was funded through a program run by the Ministry of Education. That means two things. One, the Ministry would determine the amount of money to be mentioned on the contract, depending on funds available for the program and two, drawing upon my past experience of working under a similar arrangement after I left my past job next to then-Minister of Education, I wouldn't be paid as a usual employee but would instead have to present an invoice every month, much like a freelance lawyer doing a monthly service to a client, then in order to actually get paid for it, I'd have to also present papers every month that prove I have zero debt to the IRS and social security services. In short, I'd have to first pay off a year's worth of accrued social security debt before I would be eligible to receive any money.

 

Knowing the above, I reached out to my family for assistance. I'd need the debt paid off in advance so I could actually receive my pay upon starting the job. On top of that, since my housing situation would change, I took the opportunity to discuss cleaning up our property situation. Other than my current residence and motorcycle, everything else is under my parents' name, with most buildings' ownership having been transferred to me on paper but legally, them reserving the actual use and reaping of benefits from said property, for the rest of their life. I told them I did not want to be technically "hosted" in their property. Either give me full ownership of some property so I can use or rent it while also being responsible for its upkeep, or I'd rather rent out my current home in the capital and use the money to rent a new residence in my hometown. They agreed to put that in motion, of course, but gradually took steps back like they usually do, leading to a fixed situation that benefits only them and keeps me on a short leash. In short, my father agreed to help me gradually pay off the dept (assuming if I make a settlement with the social security services, I can get the paper that I do not owe them) instead of providing a lump sum I know he can afford (and I know it because he literally just bought a car and managed to rent out a store that's been empty for a year) and using arguments such as whether I can justify said property in my tax statement or if it's worth paying off the money to the IRS for the transfer of property now, they basically shoehorned me into a single deal: come here, land the job, require their financial assistance to gradually pay off my debt and only be allowed to use the flat below the one I was raised in. Use it, not rent it out, because the legal situation wouldn't change so my mother's name would still be on the rent papers, so she'd be the one earning rent payments if it were to be rented out. Which, they made perfectly clear, wasn't going to happen; I'd only be allowed to stay there. Meanwhile, it goes without saying that given the SRLF's already strained relationship with my family, she had absolutely no intention of following along, being anywhere around them or owing them any favours for housing or helping her land a job here. In short, I had to choose whether I'd continue living broke with her in the capital like I've been doing, or sacrifice my relationship for a job in my hometown and a shorter leash.

 

It's been an extremely stressful situation (and I'm seriously underplaying it, if we're being honest) but I finally got a way out of it just yesterday. The Ministry came back with its non-negotiable offer: a monthly gross of 600. Let's reverse engineer that for a moment. That's anything from 400 to 550 after deducing any tax and social security amounts it'd be withholding. Since I'd be invoicing them and 600 is basically the maximum amount they're willing to spend on me, I'd be including a 24% VAT on my invoices, so my actual earnings would be 24% less of 400-550. On top of that, I am legally obligated to withhold, as in invoice it but not actually receive a 20% of my net payment as a pre-payment of my income tax, to be deduced when I submit my annual income statements. That would leave me with 300 in my pocket at best, when the monthly social security payment is 220 and I have to somehow support myself and pay off accumulated debt as well. The numbers just don't add up, and while the job is technically part time, they're requiring a minimum presence of 2 hours for 3 days in a week, with actual work to be done meaning in effect this will be a full time job that will leave me no time or brain power to also work as a freelance lawyer and make something more. That is the great opportunity my family dug up for me, requiring me to move back to my hometown, probably break up and give my parents a stronger foothold over my life.

 

 

So yeah that whole ordeal just isn't happening, which is sad because I'll continue to be broke but also relieving, knowing that I don't have to try and balance out all this crap any more. I've only told the SRLF so far and if nothing else, the experience served to once again prove the family's tactic: they're willing to throw me some breadcrumbs in hopes of making me more dependent on them and gradually allow them to lead to me breaking up with the SRLF. Why they're being so mean and manipulative, I'll never know.

[WhiteGhost]

Your whole situation is terrible, but I'm glad you didn't end up getting sucked into the neatly laid trap for you.  I really hope you find something reasonable and soon.

[Heidi]

4 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Why they're being so mean and manipulative, I'll never know

This is always the hardest part for me, too -- it never makes any sense.

 

Hugs as you navigate toward a different path. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

6 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Why they're being so mean and manipulative, I'll never know.

Narcissists gonna Narc.

[darkfoxx]

Looks like you dodged a massive hail of bullets. Yay dodging them on this end rather than after the move. 

[DarK_RaideR]

3 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Narcissists gonna Narc.

Sure ticks most of the boxes

[EricMN]

This is just infuriating. I will never understand. Not the part where they continue to want you on a string, not the part where they want to decide who you're in a relationship with, not the part where they agree to do one thing and then change that thing to manipulate you into something else.

 

I'm sorry you continue to go through this time and time again.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

On 7/17/2020 at 11:49 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Sure ticks most of the boxes

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissits/

 

[RES]

Ugh, I hate this for you... ? 

[DarK_RaideR]

Still alive here, thank you all for your kind words. Been keeping busy with some little things, looking for another job and educating the hell outta me regarding narcissism. Something about @Tanktimus the Encourager's mention earlier combined with a close friend's mention of it after she realized our moms share a ton of similar behavioral patterns (spoiler: they're both covert, passive-aggressive narcissistic personalities) made me look it all up and I've been devouring text and video on the matter since. It's really been landing on me like a ton of bricks, wish I had that knowledge like 5 or more years ago, but still better late than never. Now that I'm slowly decoding what being raised in a narcissistic family system has done to me, I'm realizing the manipulation and mind games have basically made me a leaf in the wind when it comes to decision making, except of course in cases where the decision benefits the system (manipulation) or takes me away from it (a survival instinct sort of defense on my part). Every time I gravitate towards the first option presented to me, or I don't see how something's actually candy coated to trick me into a decision or take it easy because I think I have things to fall back on. It's time to get proactive and make some moves.

 

The process has been enlightening (I'll confess I do break up these videos with documentaries on the Black Panthers) and this tension regarding the job offer has really opened my eyes not just about my family but their "flying monkeys" as well. You know, that weird assortment of family friends, aunts and cousins randomly contacting me with worries about where I'm going with my life... everyone basically regurgitating that propaganda about how I should accept that slave labor of a position just because it's got "opportunities" or they think I got "no better alternative". I'm learning who my real friends and allies are, who I can trust and rely on, and thankfully I got people like that so I don't end up feeling isolated or crazy.

 

Today I finally picked up the paints and coated the rusty irons on my balcony, after months and months of the gear picking up dust on some corner. Step by step, I'm picking myself back up and trying to do things proactively, instead of waiting for things to hit critical mass and react. Let's see if this process ends up restoring my NF challenge mojo too...

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I'm glad you got so much out of that comment. 

[DarK_RaideR]

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm glad you got so much out of that comment. 

The stars aligned, I guess, but I was also ready (or in dire need) to hear it. I was aware my mom was a borderline clinical case and my dad enabling her, but didn't know what exactly was going on, so this put a name to it and pointed me towards a specific path that started to make more and more sense. Like, take the time to watch this video below. I think it's a perfect explanation on why their "awesome job opportunity" turned out to be a fluke, why they still insist I should take it on the merit of "future opportunities" and why they've rolled back on their initial statement to financially support me as I try to find a way to make a living.

 

[Heidi]

11 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Step by step, I'm picking myself back up and trying to do things proactively, instead of waiting for things to hit critical mass and react.

This is huge.

Five stars, Dear Ranger.

❣️

Be gentle with yourself.

This is a process of a lifetime, and a soul-journey.

You are not alone.

[Heidi]

17 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

 

 

Sharing this with everyone ever.

[DarK_RaideR]

I contacted a videogaming website who were looking for article writers and paying by the piece. Well, if I'm being honest, they're the biggest Greek website on videogames, but I digress. They responded, asking me to find a gaming-related news development and write a 400+ word article on it, as a writing sample. I came back a few hours later with a piece on Avowed, Obsidian Entertainment's newly announced first-person RPG. Basically a Skyrim-style game but set in the world where the Pillars of Eternity games took place. They liked it and have requested my skype for a chat-based interview. Here's to this side-gig paying off, I could use an immediate cash boost right now.

 

 

Just got handed a case at the office as well, nothing major but I made sure to ask I'd be getting paid for this before taking it up. Making some moves to get things going the right direction and at least it's a welcome morale boost right now.

[deftona]

That's awesome! Good luck in the interview!

[Heidi]

46 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

I made sure to ask I'd be getting paid for this before taking it

Not falling for the "false future" schtick anymore. ❣️

[Heidi]

Congratulations on the side gig possibility!

They'd be morons not to hire you.

?

[RES]

Awesome news! (Marks video to watch later...)

[WhiteGhost]

Fingers crossed that you get the gig

[Endor]

Hola! Been away in the covid wilderness... dropping in to say hi.

[DarK_RaideR]

On 7/28/2020 at 4:03 PM, Endor said:

Hola! Been away in the covid wilderness... dropping in to say hi.

Good to have you back, old friend.

 

Apparently I've landed the gaming article gig. It's all in Greek, so no point sharing links. Pay's half decent too, if I do my minimum of 20 news articles and 2 game reviews a month I should at least make enough to pay the motorcycle's parking on my own and still have a few coins left in my pocket. Original idea was to only do reviews so I could get the work done on my own time (and get to keep the game I reviewed) but I realized playing the game and then writing a full-on opinionated article actually takes up too much time compared to the pay, whereas news articles are simply translations of stuff from other gaming sites that pay much better for the time and effort involved. That said, I took up the Monday and Wednesday shifts of 18:00-22:00 for news articles, much like a part time job, though that still leaves me with a 2 review required minimum per month. Compared to the 4 review per month minimum, it's something I can handle better and get paid better for. Baby steps.

 

In other news, last time I visited my hometown, I had to take care of a personal case that goes through the judicial system. Court date's been set for Sep.11 and even though the job gig has flopped, I'm reverse-engineering another trip to my hometown until then. Question's whether I'm leaving on the 8-9 or 15-16 weekend. A month over there. Ooph. On the bright side, I've cleared up what I want to do with my job, expect nothing in terms of family property supporting me and I'm putting together a tight budget projection. The main idea here is to have hard data on my fixed monthly expenses so I can request specific financial aid in dealing with those, preferrably a lump sum to be consumed in the long run instead of monthly payments that can go south each month like they did in the past. That should help me get by until I can land a job with a law firm that pays me monthly. Not that it would be enough to help me cover expenses, I'm still going to need assistance but at least the amount can be significantly reduced. Once that's done, I'm aiming for fixed pay indefinite employment, most likely another government job. Standard hours, a set area of expertise and consistent pay. Oh how capitalism has brought standards down, huh?

 

In more fitness related news, I'm still in the 92-93kg range without being mindless at all about my eating and zero exercise involved, which at least means I'm not putting on any extra weight. I'm also missing Muay Thai, hard. Hopefully once I get back in mid-September, I'll have the time and finances to support a return to the camp. Speaking of which, our trainer posted this video the other day when the event was livestreaming and it's worth a watch.

 

 

I had to look it up, ONE is a promotion much like UFC, PRIDE or Bellator, but they're based in Asia, they mainly promote Asian talent AND they're not single-mindedly about MMA. Instead, bouts even in the same show such as above can either be held under classic MMA rules (with the bonus of allowing knees to the head of a downed opponent), Kickboxing rules (no throws, grappling or elbows) or Muay Thai rules (no throws or grappling).

[WhiteGhost]

3 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Apparently I've landed the gaming article gig. It's all in Greek, so no point sharing links. Pay's half decent too, if I do my minimum of 20 news articles and 2 game reviews a month I should at least make enough to pay the motorcycle's parking on my own and still have a few coins left in my pocket.

Nice!

[darkfoxx]

Well done on landing the gig! 

[Sloth the Enduring]

Congratulations!