[Mistr]

Over the last several challenges I have noticed a major gap between what I say I want to do and what I actually do. I am going to simplify my goals this challenge and see what I can actually do.

 

1. Get enough sleep

The hard part is going to bed early. I already have an alarm set on my phone. Every so often, I actually pay attention to it. I have some ideas on not getting caught in the middle of a project when I should be heading to bed.

A. Do evening prep right away when I get home. This includes setting out clothes for the next day, moving things off the bed, cleaning the catbox and prepping food for lunch. I could even brush my teeth early to discourage late snacking.

B. Turn off my phone when the alarm goes off. Less screen time will help. I can do knitting or spinning to relax.

 

2. Sit zen

Target is 30 minutes a day. Minimum is 10 minutes. Total the minutes over the 35 days of the challenge to track improvement over time.

Bonus points for doing chanting too.

 

I have been seeing some improvement in my meditation. Being consistent will help with that. I am hoping it will also help my brain cope better in general.

My teacher wants us all to get better at chanting the Heart Sutra. I need a lot of practice. He chants fast.

 

3. Keep my log book current

I've been keeping notes for longer than I have been on NF. Over the last several months, there have been several stretches of time where I just didn't want to write down anything. Keeping notes lets me track progress and prove to myself that I have done things, even if I don't give myself much credit for them. I am doing a bit of the ADHD bujo that @sarakingdom has posted about. That means writing down how I feel as well as what I worked on. Who knows, I might find a pattern I can use.

 

Those are the goals. I want to be doing all of these every day.

 

Everything else can count as bonus points. Actually, I will make an effort to list things for bonus points to keep up a positive attitude.

 

Starting off:

1. Last night I made a batch of bars to take in to the office.
2. I washed a sink of dishes so that the kitchen was a little cleaner than when I started cooking.
3. This morning I made a credit card payment early to avoid a potential late fee.
4. I also put away the clean dishes from last night. That opened up space so that Dumbledore could unload the dishwasher.

 

Doing it this way takes the emphasis off the fact that I had a list of four things I wanted to do and only got two of them done. Dishes were not on the list. I made a choice to wash dishes instead of doing other tasks because they bug me more on the moment. I could have walked away and done other tasks.

This is data.

[Mistr]

On the topic of choices, I need to decide what I am going to do on Friday evening.

 

A friend from Chicago is coming to my dojo to teach a special guest instructor class. I was planning on going and I am sure I told Dumbledore about this last week.

 

Dumbledore bought tickets to a Scottish music and dance event on Friday without asking me first. We used to do Scottish dancing and people we know will be performing. Dumbledore wants to get back into dancing and piping. I stopped dancing because it was bad for my knees and feet. I've tried it once since covid and it is still bad, even with my knees in much better shape. I love the music and the dancing, but I am not going back.

 

These events are happening at the same time.

 

What do you think? Should I tell Dumbledore to take a friend to the concert, or should I go for the sake of relationship harmony?

[sarakingdom]

25 minutes ago, Mistr said:

What do you think? Should I tell Dumbledore to take a friend to the concert, or should I go for the sake of relationship harmony?

 

You've already made plans. You've RSVP'd those plans with your friend. You've mentioned those plans. You're looking forward to those plans. You weren't consulted on new plans. You don't want the injury implications of new plans. Seems straightforward to me.

 

He can't reasonably expect that sudden new plans you didn't agree to, made days before the event, are always going to be okay. This time, they're not. And he should be okay with that. Spontaneously buying tickets at the last minute is only morally neutral and charmingly impulsive as long as he doesn't assume his action constitutes a commitment on your behalf. If he does, then he really needs to communicate better and get an actual commitment on your behalf, and cut down on impulsive behaviors.

 

Spoiler

Also, while I'm not down with "the person who pays the bills is always right", I do feel that the person financially supporting the entire household of four while also doing the bulk of the domestic labor should get a ton of the benefit of the doubt on how they use their leisure time. Other people should be very careful about speaking for your free time without explicitly confirming things first. Your time has already been deeply and inequitably dedicated to the well-being of others in your house. No judgement on the necessity of the split, but the very least others should do is protect your right to determine how you schedule and  use your leisure time.

 

[Mistr]

36 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

 

  Hide contents

Also, while I'm not down with "the person who pays the bills is always right", I do feel that the person financially supporting the entire household of four while also doing the bulk of the domestic labor should get a ton of the benefit of the doubt on how they use their leisure time. Other people should be very careful about speaking for your free time without explicitly confirming things first. Your time has already been deeply and inequitably dedicated to the well-being of others in your house. No judgement on the necessity of the split, but the very least others should do is protect your right to determine how you schedule and  use your leisure time.

 

 

Spoiler

The part I neglected to mention is that Friday is my birthday. That makes it entirely my choice what I do, regardless of other considerations.

 

Rolling around with my friends and going out for beers afterwards sounds like a lot more fun to me than sitting on folding chairs listening to music. (The venue is not plush)

 

I am leaning towards doing something fun with Dumbledore on Saturday afternoon. We are taking our niece and her partner out for dinner in the evening on Saturday.

 

@Laghail, can you recommend good places to eat on the west side, around West Allis?

[TimovieMan]

11 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

You've already made plans. You've RSVP'd those plans with your friend. You've mentioned those plans. You're looking forward to those plans. You weren't consulted on new plans. You don't want the injury implications of new plans. Seems straightforward to me.

[Sovalis]

I'm with Sara. 

 

Here to cheer!

[Mistr]

I'm starting the challenge on the right foot. I'm going to try to sustain that more than a couple days this time around.

 

Yesterday I stayed at work late and finally made some progress on my backlog of customer follow ups. This has been weighing on my mind for months. I have a meeting with my boss next week and want to be able to show progress.

 

I got home, did evening stuff and sat zen. Having the goal gave me the motivation to finish the 30 minutes and not quit early.

 

Chances are good I will stay late at work again tonight. I may treat myself to takeout instead of eating microwave popcorn and a protein bar.

[Laghail]

following!

[Mad Hatter]

21 hours ago, Mistr said:

am going to simplify my goals this challenge and see what I can actually do.

Smart!

 

21 hours ago, Mistr said:

Doing it this way takes the emphasis off the fact that I had a list of four things I wanted to do and only got two of them done. Dishes were not on the list

I always add things to my list retroactively to feel good about myself. ?

[RES]

Simple is good...so is sleep

 

Happy (early) birthday in case I don't get a chance to say it tomorrow. ❤️ 

[Mistr]

7 hours ago, Mistr said:

Chances are good I will stay late at work again tonight. I may treat myself to takeout instead of eating microwave popcorn and a protein bar.

 

I realized that since I work from home tomorrow, I could pack up my computer and work at Café de la Casa. This is a comfortable place with great drinks and snacks. Very affordable too. This is what Dumbledore calls our house when we want to go out but don't actually want to deal with driving or other people. 

 

Dumbledore picked up treats for me yesterday when I was working late. I feel pampered. That helps, because I never got past opening the file earlier today on a project that is due tomorrow.

[Harriet]

On 9/4/2024 at 10:39 PM, Mistr said:

Doing it this way takes the emphasis off the fact that I had a list of four things I wanted to do and only got two of them done. Dishes were not on the list. I made a choice to wash dishes instead of doing other tasks because they bug me more on the moment. I could have walked away and done other tasks.

This is data.

 

I like data when it highlights my good deeds. I do not like data when it accuses me. I like your system of bonus points.

[Mistr]

Weekend report

 

- Good on zen

- Mostly good on sleep, although I stayed up late

- Mostly good on logging

 

I ended up not going to either aikido or the concert on Friday. Instead, Dumbledore and I went for a long walk and then relaxed at home. My friend had to cancel, so it was just a usual aikido class. I offered to go to the concert. Dumbledore decided he did not want to go because it would make him want to do dancing and piping again. He does want to do those things, but not for a few months. He has a bunch of work projects and events from now through November and has no spare time.

 

Saturday I did aikido. Signs show that I am out of shape. That is a problem for next week.

 

Fun thing was a road trip to have dinner with our niece and her partner, who live just over an hour away. She is getting a masters in occupational therapy and is in the internship stage. It was nice to have an extended adult conversation with them. They are onboard with our plan to keep the family cabin. That gives us three sturdy young people to help with the heavy work of putting in and taking out the dock. We have one more nephew to talk with. He and his girlfriend actually spent time at the cabin this year, so I expect he will be favorable too.

 

Sunday was zen and laundry. I wanted to get other things done too, but that was pretty much it. Trying to do more just led to me staying up late reading for relaxation time.

[Heidi]

On 9/4/2024 at 4:39 PM, Mistr said:

I am going to simplify my goals this challenge and see what I can actually do

#DruidApproved. This is serious wisdom.

 

On 9/4/2024 at 4:39 PM, Mistr said:

list things for bonus points to keep up a positive attitude

I really like this approach. I get seduced by all the things I haven't done and lose sight of what I have done and that robs me of an honest assessment of my worthwhile labor and attention. 

The work of the Universe is unending. 

Celebrate what you have done!

 

Also here to reinforce what @sarakingdom dropped in the spoiler.

Just saying.

 

On 9/5/2024 at 1:09 PM, Mistr said:

I'm starting the challenge on the right foot.

There's a lot of this positive energy at the beginning of this challenge. I'm here to support and cheer you on!

I believe in you and I think you're pretty badass, actually.

 

On 9/5/2024 at 1:09 PM, Mistr said:

. I may treat myself to takeout instead of eating microwave popcorn and a protein bar.

I hope you did treat yourself to takeout. 

 

On 9/5/2024 at 8:22 PM, Mistr said:

Café de la Casa.

 

 

19 hours ago, Mistr said:

Sunday was zen and laundry.

Zen and laundry is enough.

You are enough.

I hope you are having a good week.

Very pleased that you have young people to do the labor of the cabin upkeep. This feels very community-building.

❤️ 

[Whisper]

21 hours ago, Mistr said:

I ended up not going to either aikido or the concert on Friday. Instead, Dumbledore and I went for a long walk and then relaxed at home. My friend had to cancel, so it was just a usual aikido class. I offered to go to the concert. Dumbledore decided he did not want to go because it would make him want to do dancing and piping again. He does want to do those things, but not for a few months. He has a bunch of work projects and events from now through November and has no spare time.

 

 

Happy things resolved well.

and, because it was in a spoiler

Spoiler

 

[Sovalis]

Spoiler

 

[Scaly Freak]

Spoiler

 

 

 

[Harriet]

Ah yes, dancing can make you want to dance more, and then what kind of trouble are you in? The dancing kind. I hope this week was sturdy and useful. 

[Heidi]

How's it going?

How are YOU?

?

[Mistr]

On 9/17/2024 at 1:39 PM, Heidi said:

How's it going?

How are YOU?

?

 

Good questions.

 

I got back late Monday night from four days in the Los Angeles area. The trip was good, more on that later.

 

I have been dealing with anxiety. More in general than specific.

 

One sign was when I was looking for a fiber arts project to take for the trip. I am at the final sewing-on-the-edging step of my scarf knitting project, so it stayed at home. I set up the yarn, needles and pattern to start a pair of socks. It looked like fun, but I was not enthusiastic about it. I had a surprisingly strong positive feeling when I found the crocheted cactus project from last fall. I finished three of the four cacti last year. The last one has a bunch of leaves. I got bored making the same large leaf six times in a row and set it down. Apparently my brain is really on about finishing things that have been on hold. I got all the leaves and most of the base of the cactus done on the trip.

 

I also finished reading The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali. This was recommended to me by one of the senior people at the dojo. It is a guide to meditation. The commentary at the end had a fascinating comparison of this text and early Buddhist teaching, which date to about 600 years earlier. They are quite similar. Some of the instructions in the Yoga Sutra make more sense to me than what I was taught by my Zen teacher. They are both saying essentially the same thing, I just had a "oh, that's what you meant!" moment. After renewing the book twice, I returned it to the library.

 

I had Tuesday scheduled off so that I would have a day to recover and do normal stuff after the trip. This was a smart move, since our flight got in at 11pm. I had two important things on my list: get tax info together for our accountant and put black plastic down over the weeds in the side garden.

 

What really happened was that I stayed in yoga clothes until the afternoon and did not do yoga or take a shower. I did a bunch of second choice things as I avoided what I was supposed to do. I got the kitchen sink scrubbed, the laundry done and cleaned the floors upstairs. All of these things certainly needed to be done, but not that day. At the end of the day I managed to open up the financial files and start making a list of the information I need to track down. I got as far as figuring out that I am missing the mortgage statement from January with the total of interest from last year.  I found the checklist from last year, but not the one from this year. I barely made it to bed on time, in spite of having the day off.

 

Yesterday I intended to go to aikido. Instead, I let myself get distracted with Facebook until it was too late to make it to class. I went to the library and the co-op right after I got home. Then I really did work on the accounting info. I downloaded a bunch of statements and found the checklist from the accountant. I am pretty sure I have most of what she needs. Tonight will be devoted to getting the rest of it together. Dumbledore is also on notice to get his business figures together for her. That is not my problem. 

 

I am hoping that once I get the major things off my conscience, my brain will start working again. There are fun projects I would like to do. My brain won't let me be happy about doing them while it is worried about other things. I have been pretty good about sitting zen and squeaking by on getting enough sleep. Logging is lagging as my anxiety flares up. I think I don't want to admit that I am not doing what I said I wanted to do.

 

[Harriet]

18 hours ago, Mistr said:

I found the crocheted cactus project from last fall. I finished three of the four cacti last year. The last one has a bunch of leaves. I got bored making the same large leaf six times in a row and set it down. Apparently my brain is really on about finishing things that have been on hold. I got all the leaves and most of the base of the cactus done on the trip.

 

I love these! Very cute. 

 

18 hours ago, Mistr said:

I stayed in yoga clothes until the afternoon and did not do yoga

 

18 hours ago, Mistr said:

Yesterday I intended to go to aikido. Instead, I let myself get distracted with Facebook until it was too late to make it to class.

 

I feel you. Social media in leggings sounds like a great idea but then it's late and the day is gone and the social media has an odd aftertaste and was not satisfying. Nothing wrong with yoga clothes though.

[Mistr]

Trip Report - Orange County, California

 

Dumbledore and I spent four days in the Los Angeles area last weekend. We were visiting an elderly friend, the same one we helped move last December. She is mostly settled in her new apartment in a senior living complex. We stayed in her guest room.

 

Dumbledore tasked me with making a list of places we could go while we were there. Some things were off the list as too strenuous for an 83-year-old who walks with a cane. This was a success. We did something interesting each day.

 

Friday - went to Crystal Cove beach, which is a state park near Newport Beach. It has a great scenic overlook and a nice paved path down to the beach. We all enjoyed the view, then our friend sat in the car with the AC going while Dumbledore and I walked down to the water. We took off our shoes and got our feet wet in the Pacific. As someone who grew up as far from an ocean as it is possible to be in the US, it was great.

 

Saturday - went to the YMCA and did exercise in the morning. Went to the Fullerton arboretum in the afternoon. It was interesting seeing an arboretum set in another biome. The plants in the desert section looked really happy. So did plants from other tropical parts of the world.

 

Sunday - met our nephew and his wife for lunch at a Persian restaurant. I learned that both her parents came to the US from Iran after the fall of the Shah. They are Baha'i and their people are heavily persecuted under the current regime. After that we went for a short walk by the foothills of the mountains. Dumbledore was scared by the sign warning about mountain lions. The path took us to an elementary school with a big park. Their team name is the Bobcats, so I told Dumbledore he had nothing to worry about.  

 

Mostly we hung out at the apartment and kept our friend company. She no longer has to take care of her 90+ year-old sister (who lives in a neighboring building), but she is lonely. She is in pretty good health for now. I don't know what will happen when that changes. Her complex is independent living only. A person must have a car to get anywhere from there. The complex organizes some social things but does not provide any services.

 

Take-home thoughts:

• Orange County is endless suburbia and walled housing complexes. It feels artificial and creepy.
• Nice weather does not make up for hours of driving. We mostly took city streets instead of the freeway so we could get a better feel for the area. The interesting bits are all an hour away from each other. I think I would have liked it a lot more back when it was orange groves and ranches.
• We want to live in a community with a wide range of ages when we get older. I do not find my own cohort especially fun to be around. Plus I see how my mom is making friends only to have them die. We want to be involved in a real community for support, companionship and engagement.
• Scheduling extra time off after trips is A GOOD IDEA. Not only is there a lot to do, I need the time to myself after being around other people for days on end. Dumbledore and I got along splendidly, but we had no personal down time.
• Four days of real vacation with no work was lovely. It turns out not to be what I need right now. What I need is to make steady progress on the things that are chittering in the shadows of my mind. 

[Mad Hatter]

On 9/19/2024 at 11:40 PM, Mistr said:

Yesterday I intended to go to aikido. Instead, I let myself get distracted with Facebook until it was too late to make it to class.

I hate when this happens. ? 

 

I love the little cacti!

 

On 9/21/2024 at 12:44 AM, Mistr said:

Dumbledore and I spent four days in the Los Angeles area last weekend. We were visiting an elderly friend, the same one we helped move last December. She is mostly settled in her new apartment in a senior living complex. We stayed in her guest room.

I love that you have elderly friends. I feel it's quite unusual to have friends across generations these days.

 

On 9/21/2024 at 12:44 AM, Mistr said:

Four days of real vacation with no work was lovely. It turns out not to be what I need right now. What I need is to make steady progress on the things that are chittering in the shadows of my mind. 

Sounds contradictory no? Do you at least feel more recharged to deal with the shadows?

[Harriet]

On 9/21/2024 at 12:44 AM, Mistr said:

Saturday - went to the YMCA and did exercise in the morning. Went to the Fullerton arboretum in the afternoon. It was interesting seeing an arboretum set in another biome. The plants in the desert section looked really happy. So did plants from other tropical parts of the world.

 

This sounds lovely. 

 

On 9/21/2024 at 12:44 AM, Mistr said:

Sunday - met our nephew and his wife for lunch at a Persian restaurant. I learned that both her parents came to the US from Iran after the fall of the Shah. They are Baha'i and their people are heavily persecuted under the current regime.

 

Mr Harriet's stepmother is from Iran. I think her father was a respected academic working in the government (?) but he was murdered, and her brother was disappeared, decades ago, after her father criticised the regime. It's hard to imagine.

 

On 9/21/2024 at 12:44 AM, Mistr said:

We want to live in a community with a wide range of ages when we get older. I do not find my own cohort especially fun to be around. Plus I see how my mom is makingfriends only to have them die. We want to be involved in a real community for support, companionship and engagement.

 

What do you find people your own age are like, mostly? 

[Mistr]

I am hanging in there with meditation and sleep. Logging fell off again last week.

 

Apparently I do not want to write things down when I am feeling stressed.

 

Work is going pretty well. I am starting to chip away at the backlog of tasks that I put on hold when we were short-handed. This week we have 3-5 people out for events and trainings and we still have enough people to cover our workload.

 

Saturday I went to aikido, followed by a dojo board meeting. The new board is not quite official yet, but we are nearly done with the paperwork to get there. That looks like the easy part. There are lots of policy and planning things we need to discuss once the logistics tasks are complete. I was a responsible adult and got the minutes written and posted the same day. I have learned that letting that task wait sets off the alarms in my brain. Aside from that, I bought cat food and a few groceries.

 

Sunday I was feeling more productive. I was working on the dishes when I got a call from Dumbledore. He was visiting his brother for the weekend, and got a notice from the landlord of the building where he has an office. They had a water main break. His office is on the ground floor. I went over to check it out and found the water was knee deep. I was able to move a couple boxes that were only partly soaked before the property manager told me to leave. The water was still coming in and was getting close to the electric box. ?

 

Today we are going to move everything that is still dry to a storage unit. All the ground floor offices are going to have to be gutted and redone. Elf and I will help this afternoon. More friends will come to help after work. It looks to be a messy job.

 

Dumbledore is doing much better now that he can take action. He was a mess yesterday not knowing how bad it was and not being able to do anything. The landlord got the water drained and let people in this morning. Dumbledore has already arranged for storage space and rented a truck. He is going to Costco to get shelving units and plastic storage tubs. There are lots of metal shelving units in the office, but they will need to be cleaned before they can be used again. You might think that water from the water main would be clean, but it was brown soup by the time it flooded everything. I had to take a shower after wading in it - something made my skin itch.

 

I am glad to be moral support and grunt labor for this crisis. Moving boxes and throwing out soggy books and papers is easy. Making triage decisions on the iffy stuff is exhausting.